I've been separated and going through the divorce process since October of 2010. The WW has "hidden" from any communication with me behind her lawyer, kids or e-mail. Her lawyer would not / will not communicate with my lawyer unless through the courts including the judge (who had his fill in February and kicked everyone out of his chambers).
Judge finally signed our (Defendant) copy of Decree - now WW is pursuing a new trial - and arguing that it was an illegal decree. Another claim is that one of the debts - $8,000 item - not be split 75/25 (75 me, 25 her) - so racking up legal fees to argue over $2,000 she has been ordered to pay.
I've paid in excess of child support all along - since 10/10 until 4/12, where now I'm having CS and Alimony withheld.
WW will not cooperate on short sale of house.
WW continues to send kids to me for money and insist that I pay for additional items covered by child support.

What I don't really understand is that she wanted the divorce - and is now openly with the other guy. Continues to play the guilt game with the kids - she doesn't have enough money, will have to move out of the marital house, will never marry again.... interferes with the time that I have with the kids (since I'm in MA and she is in NE - always has some sort of legal action crop up the week before they are to arrive....) or move to interrupt my time (since if I have them more than 30 days consecutively, I get a break on Child Support).

I've tried to move on - taking DivorceCare classes at church - reading the heck out of this website and other books - Language of Letting Go, etc.... and establishing good boundaries so that I can live by the decree and be done with this - but I can't understand why she keeps assailing me with legal / money / accusations.
The most recent incident was Tuesday when she mistakenly sent me an e-mail meant for her lawyer after confirming that I had been paying child support and alimony in lieu of all the mortgages (as the decree stated) since she has not been making mortgage payments (trying to live rent-free, I guess....). Her lawyer is also named John. Her e-mail read:

"He is only doing this so he doesn't get in trouble with the judge?
Still doesn't account for non payment of March or does it? What about the fact that we are going back to court? [censored] now the judge won't have reason to be pissed at him and I will look bad.

Sent from my iPhone"


How long does the fog last? This has been going on since 2009 with only a brief respite for a failed reconciliation.

Some perspectives from others would really help me.

Thanks

The answer is that some of them never come out of the fog because it is too painful for them to face the truth of what they did.

Mine is in his sixth year of fog. He is threatening to take our decree to the Supreme Court protesting that the law is unconstitutional. Thank God the appellate court did not award him a stay!

I have a friend who has been trying to get divorced for seven years. Her legal bill is now $700,000. He abandoned her with a two year old and twin one year olds.

New York State is a nightmare if a wayward wants to string things out.

I'm amazed with how long it's drawn out in Nebraska - but there is some good to the differences in state law - Nebraska only requires child support until 19 (the state age of majority).
Mass requires continued support - and college as well - until 23 from what I've been told.
Don't get me wrong - I want my children to have the support, I am just not guaranteed that they will get the benefit of all of it....

The awarding of alimony is rather gender biased as well - she got it because she asked - is sitting on over 75K, has an income that exceeds her expenses and got 6 years of payments.

All that is business - but when I just get off the phone with my son who asks me "why are you trying to get us evicted from our home?" it really hurts....

The fog won't dissipate at all as long as she is still with OM.

Somebody must have the blame that not everything is hunky dory, if it was, then why all the trouble? And of course it can't be OM/OW so it is the BS.