I really thought I had gotten over H's emotional affair. After all, it's been nine months since I caught him, and he and I have both worked really hard to re-establish trust and be better spouses.<P>Two WHOLE weeks went by without me getting upset. Thoughts came and went, but nothing stuck or really bothered me that much. I vowed that no matter how many thoughts passed through my mind, and how many questions came up, I would keep quiet, let it go, and continue the healing.<P>Then BOOM!! I had a crying fit for no reason last night. Something reminded me of the night I caught him, and I could feel the tears welling up and that AWFUL burning feeling in your chest -- the one that feels like acid is eating your insides out. I couldn't control it -- so I just burst into tears.<P>H was very understanding and just held me til the storm passed. He even tried to distract me with talk of our coming vacation, which worked a bit. I felt better after having gotten it out. For the first time we managed to NOT talk about it ad nauseam, just have him comfort me and get it over with minimal fuss.<P>So I guess that's good! But when are these crying jags gonna end? Just when I think I'm in the clear, and a couple of weeks go by, something reminds me of what happened and I just burst. Everyone says "let it go", and I thought I had, but all I need is a trigger or two and I get upset and uncontrollable.<P>Has anyone passed through this and lived to tell the tale? Will it ever end?

Wow! Are you my twin? Guess what-I ask myself the same thing. Sometimes it takes us awhile to really get over the pain. Remember how intense it was when you first found out? My counsellor said that that intensity will be put into storage for awhile and sometimes comes out and you need the time to grieve over a loss. You have been working really hard and striving towards a goal. Sometimes you need to let loose a little of that grief so that it doesn't impede your progress. I believe she's right, she's one smart lady and I've been pretty successful following her advice. Either way, don't dwell on it. It doesn't do you any good to ask yourself why and wonder about it (I know from experience! )But give yourself a break and tell your H, ok, I got that out of my system for now, lets go on. Let him know your not still blaming, just letting loose a little of that controlled junk from way back when, now that you can deal with it effectively! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

Cristalle,<BR>It sounds like both you and your H handled the situation well. In this particular case, talking wouldn't really have helped. You needed comfort and maybe H needed to feel he was giving you comfort, so in a way it was a bonding experience.<P>I had a terrible weekend 10 days ago. Don't know why. <P>Overall the difference for me (10 months post discovery) that instead of constant active grieving or processing, it is isolated. It is also seemly random and the sinking feeling takes me by surprise or if something triggers it, I actually freeze in pain for a moment and then it is hard to climb back out. But I do, and H is happy to be understanding and patient, as long as I don't want to talk about it. And I don't, there is just nothing more to say sometimes.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Thanks guys. It's hell when that happens, isn't it?<P>I get the "freeze" thing too. Sometimes I can control it, but if I let it run away with me, on come the tears. Hopefully that will get better as time goes on, too.<P>And like you said, FHL, sometimes it's better not to talk about it. I think pretty much everything HAS been said, even though I have a few nagging questions every now and then, and my "evil" side will take over thinking of ways to get him to tell me. So far, I haven't given into it. It's been over a month now since I even MENTIONED his EA. At one time I couldn't go one day without bringing it up, or interrogating him. I put my husband through hell. He didn't know which way to look -- one day I would be sweet as pie and depositing love units, and the next I would be hassling him beyond belief about the details. And not talking about it helped me, too. It took the whole thing out of the forefront of my mind and allowed me to concentrate on something other than self-pity and pain...like work! <P>Now, how to make those questions and freezing episodes go away! I guess it just takes time, huh?<p>[This message has been edited by Cristalle1 (edited November 02, 1999).]