He started writing it after discovery of OW#2. There isn't anything in it that he could use against me in court... We are in a 50/50 state.

Seeing my IC this morning... Already took a Xanax, which I've been taking every morning. Still haven't started my AD's. Feeling unsure about a lot of things right now and feeling so down...

I think he found the keylogger starfish. I also think the journals are for your benefit. Has he logged into anything where he has changed the passwords? If not...he found the keylogger. That is my guess.

Didn't you post earlier that he turned off the gps? He probably got suspicious when he saw that.

Its not really surprising is it Starfish?

You told him to get on board with a poly and make an appointment to do that this week and his reply is .... what exactly?

Its no wonder you're depression is starting to bite when he is doing ZILCH, NADA, ZERO to heal you. He's too busy writing fake diaries.

This kind of depression is NOT temporary and we have seen it land BWs in the hospital with nervous breakdowns.

You offered him another chance - has he agreed to take you up on it this week - enthusiastically?

I agree with everyone about the journal. You didn't give much info about where you found it, etc. but it seems very, very odd to me. First, like Scottie said, clinical. Logistical. Not a 'journal' as much as a logistical account of how he spent his day. Who logs that information and why? It would be one thing if he was a 'journaler' who historically wrote about his life and the revelations it brought him. But since he just started to keep this log of the way he has run his days, and conveniently left it in a place that YOU could find it...leads me to believe it is either for legal purposes and if that is not it, for the purpose of using it to support his lies to you. And, if thats the case, it seems to be working.

He has no way of knowing about the KL, because it's on the laptop and I've had the laptop since the KL was installed. He changed his passwords a few times and I figured the last one out. The time he turned off his GPS was when I called the police on him and he was mad and didn't want to talk to me. He was at his brothers house that night. He hasn't turned off the GPS since... just that one night.

He could be keeping track of things to share with his IC, as we were both doing the same thing while going through MC before to share what had transpired during the week.

I'm the one that called it a journal, maybe I should have said calendar events. I do the same thing in my own calendar, because it's easy to forget what I did on a certain day and I like to look back and remember or see what is coming up in the week ahead. I do the exact same thing and I have no alterior motive. I use the information to discuss weekly events or things that transpired during my week with my IC.

It isn't top secret information or anything. I only found it because I figured out his password, so it wasn't like he left it open or obvious for me to figure out. This password was different from the other passwords and I figured it out by luck.

Take the calendar entries as hopeful.

Still, you should insist he pass a polygraph.

You could even say "I certainly would love it if you could pass a polygraph to show you are not hiding anything. Pass one. Make that your goal honey dear. Find a way to make it work with you and not against you huggy bear."

If you figured out the password, that tells me that he made it something that you could figure out.

Are you thinking now that he is being honest that there is nothing else and the failed poly is a fluke?

And that the indicators that he is being dishonest like the reluctance to take the test and sending you the email about being nervous about failing the test (that the polygrapher told you himself was indicative of guilt) before you had the result etc was all just a terrible coincidence?

This is my concern, too Susie Q. All I see is a search for hope, not a search for facts.

Why the journal entries are relevant or hopeful I have no idea.. or why a lawyers off the cuff advice to 'fix things' is hopeful I too have no idea.

In Plan A a BW is often an unstoppable snoop - relentlessly looking for facts.

In Plan B, the mantra is simple - come to me with your proof or dont bother me.

But when a BW enters Plan C, she often gets very confused and scrapes around grasping at straws and looking for hope in every cloud that passes.

Then because she is hopeful, she is too scared to take any real action to protect herself and the integrity of her marriage with actions. She is scared she will screw up the hopeful signals she has scraped togehter.

A BW on these boards recently broke Plan B again and again into Plan C and i thought she was a hopeless case. However when she eventually came back on board to MB, she described Plan C as Plan Confusion and said she had lost all interest in her saving her marriage because hse had hoped and hoped so fruitlessly for so long.

Please dont embrace Plan C Starfish!

That sounds like a reasonable explanation for his entries. I'm not sure how that will help him to decide to become honest though. Just another day...

Starfish, just remember that we are your friends. We have been where you are and we have found peace. We want you to find peace too.

(((hugs)))

Thank you for the kind words and hugs!!!

I sometimes wish that MB was a little more separate for the WS's and BS's to post. I think it would be good if my WH came on here, but I'd be too afraid that he would find my thread and I'm just not ready for that yet. I still need to keep this support that I have away for now...

I wrote my own letter today... I was able to get more info from him after talking to my IC last Friday before I went into Plan B, so I decided to write him a letter, since he was at work and I felt like writing anyway.


WH,

I am writing you because I have been thinking a lot about everything that has transpired and been revealed over the past few months. �

I have come to realize, including through your own admission, that you have some major issues when it comes to communication and honesty. �You have admitted this to me multiple times in your own words by saying:

"I could not communicate with you."

"There is nothing else to tell you."

"Lying comes natural to me for some reason."

"I can't make stuff up."

"I have not been completely honest about OW#1 over the last two years."

"I've told you everything."

"I'm not saying there may not be smaller things a counselor may pry out of me over time...."

In between all of these comments from you, I have received more and more information. �Things you have revealed and been honest about and mistakes you've made. �Have I received or heard everything...? �No, I have not.

I need you to start communicating with me, to open up and trust me enough to tell me the truth. �Without communication and honesty from you, I will never be able to get past all of this, learn to trust you, forgive you or be able to move forward in rebuilding the foundation of our relationship that has been crumbled. �Our foundation needs to be built back up and that can only begin with you communicating with me and being honest. �Talk to me as your friend and your wife. �Only you can change your poor communication and lack of honesty and you have the choice to start that now if you want to rebuild our marriage.

More than anything, I'm willing to work on our marriage and do what it takes (no matter how difficult) to rebuild our relationship and lives together. �I have been very open and honest with you in letting you know where I stand; �that I'm willing to stick it out through the good, bad, happy and sad. �Are you willing to do the same? �A marriage is a partnership and it cannot survive if only one person is willing to do all of the work. �If you want to be in this marriage and put forth some major effort, as painful as it might be, I'll be here.

I have explained to you that I'm here, I love you and want our marriage to be stronger and more loving than we ever thought possible. �I would love to build a new life with you that has a strong foundation to build from. �I cannot do this alone and deserve a partner that is willing, strong and man enough to do whatever it takes to make things right to start anew.

I am here when you are willing to communicate and be open and honest with me.

All my love,
BW

Why is that starfish? The site wouldn't help him at all right now. Addicts who are getting their fix exactly the way they like don't want any help. If he ever genuinely wants help, he only has to say he's ready to do everything to heal himself and you would help him right?

Why would anyone with a forgiving, wonderful spouse hesitate even a minute?

Addiction. Pure and simple.

I know you are right...

Star, this is actually a very good letter, but for what purpose is it intended? If it's a letter of re-entry into Plan B, then great, fantastic, awesome, bitchin', etc, etc.

Otherwise, what's the point? You have already explained this to him in your original Plan B letter (and MULTIPLE times face to face) and he won't buy into this one anymore than he did the last one. Why? Because you have shown him that you are not serious about this. And, frankly my dear, you aren't! With you breaking your PB so quickly, you've proven to him that he's still in control of situation. In his mind, he has you (and her)...hook, line and sinker. Is this really what you want? Because this is where you are.

When you broke your PB you went straight into a full blown Plan C which is MB lingo for a helluva lot more broken heart and pain than you are experiencing now. Are you prepared for that? Well, prepared or not, that's the path you're on if you continue in this fashion.

I know you are hurting in a way you never thought possible, and believe me, we all feel for you. Remember, we've all been there, done that. But what steps are you willing to take to help yourself? Everyone here has pretty much done all they can for the time being to help you.

So what are YOU going to do to help you?

ETA: {{{{{{{{starfish}}}}}}}}

Since you won't listen to us about getting into a plan(uhhhhh, what plan are you in right now?) why not Call the coaching center?

I was doing what my IC asked me to do first today and then I was told to focus on taking care of myself and think about what I really want and need, etc.
I know you all want to know what plan I'm in, but I haven't decided. I guess you could say that I'm in a mild Plan B. I think he realizes that I'm not going to back down for the truth. He hasn't contacted me since I sent the letter late this afternoon. I did tell him that I need the truth by the end of the week per ML. I will give him until the end of the week to see if he will come clean and then make a decision from there.





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