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He just emailed me...
BW,
�
The last 7-8 days have been brutal to my emotions, feeling, stress levels, and all of it in between.� I have felt severly depressed at times.� Saturday on our friend's boat he asked me what was wrong, because I guess I was being very quiet.� I just answered that I need to figure out my life, the next step, where I'm going.� That's how I feel.� My life is up side down.� I don't know if you hate me, love me, want me, or care at times.� I feel nothing has changed from two months ago.� The weekends are nice spending time with you, and then the weekdays are a nightmare.� I need structure in my life and I have�none right now.� I don't have a key to my own house, I don't even feel welcomed there.� I don't want to be gone from the dogs to long, because I love them, they are our kids.� I can't stop thinking about you and the dogs, our home, our family.� It all keeps me from sleeping and concetrating at work. I have to figure out the next step in life, and have to figure it out soon.
�
I love you, and I want to still make our relationship and marriage work, but in order to give you some of the answers your looking for, I need to figure out WH. I have only been to two counseling sessions, and last weeks session was more about her learning about me and my family history. We were not able really to get into more of what is going to help me yet. In order to have goals for me, for our relationship, and for our marriage, I need to know WH and what I'm really looking for in our future to give you those goals you seek. I want to at least see my couselor this week before I can sit down and think about us and our future, my goals for our future, my being the person you seek, an honest person. Please give me this time I need. I know your pushing for these answers, but I need you let me get the help I need to give you those answers.
�
I love you and hope to see you soon.
�
Love�always
WH
Last edited by starfish75; 04/10/12 09:29 PM.
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So you aren't in Plan B anymore? Are you in Plan C?
Have you read what Dr. Harley says about Plan C?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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A MILD plan B is not a Plan B.
If your IC advises you to have contact, feel free to ignore them.
Do you know what we read in that letter?
BLAH BLAH BLAH I'm still with OW BLAH BLAH I want cake BLAH BLAH you are just my side dish BLAH.
He is in all likelihood not even seeing a counselor.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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A MILD plan B is not a Plan B.
If your IC advises you to have contact, feel free to ignore them.
Do you know what we read in that letter?
BLAH BLAH BLAH I'm still with OW BLAH BLAH I want cake BLAH BLAH you are just my side dish BLAH.
He is in all likelihood not even seeing a counselor. I already stated that I broke Plan B... I guess that makes me a terrible person or at least human. I am not in any plan right now... Everybody here is asking me what plan I am in and i am on the femce right now, because I did what ML suggested and sent him an email after I broke my plan to give him until the end of the week to tell me the truth. He is seeing a counselor and I do know this for a fact.
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BLAH BLAH BLAH I'm still with OW BLAH BLAH I want cake BLAH BLAH you are just my side dish BLAH. I agree his letter isn't very good...
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Maybe you could call in to the radio show?
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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starfish, I so wish I could feel happy for you, but I can't. I have nothing but fear for you because I know where you are headed. You are trying so hard to just bury this without getting the truth in the hopes that your marriage can survive without the truth. But it can't. I so wish it could. But truth has to be the first step. You won't be able to sweep this under the rug for long. You will wonder every day what he is lying about. And your resentment and anger will grow and grow. You won't be able to sweep it all away. Without it you will go crazy wondering. You hope you can suck it up and live without it, but you won't be able to. The reason is because trust can never be restored as long as he has secrets with the OW to which you are not privy. And no, he is not remorseful. If he were remorseful, it would be backed up by actions, not by drama. Any halfwit wayward knows how to cry and carry on about how sorry they are. But how "remorseful" is someone who continues to lie? They are not remorseful at all. I am sad for you today because I know this will not turn out good. Just to show you what happens when a WS continues to lie to his spouse, check out this letter from one board member who experienced nightmares: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2311122#Post2311122Just read this post again ML. You are right... I cannot sweep this under the rug!!!
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He just emailed me...
BW,
�
The last 7-8 days have been brutal to my emotions, feeling, stress levels, and all of it in between.� I have felt severly depressed at times.� Saturday on our friend's boat he asked me what was wrong, because I guess I was being very quiet.� I just answered that I need to figure out my life, the next step, where I'm going.� That's how I feel.� My life is up side down.� I don't know if you hate me, love me, want me, or care at times.� I feel nothing has changed from two months ago.� The weekends are nice spending time with you, and then the weekdays are a nightmare.� I need structure in my life and I have�none right now.� I don't have a key to my own house, I don't even feel welcomed there.� I don't want to be gone from the dogs to long, because I love them, they are our kids.� I can't stop thinking about you and the dogs, our home, our family.� It all keeps me from sleeping and concetrating at work. I have to figure out the next step in life, and have to figure it out soon.
�
I love you, and I want to still make our relationship and marriage work, but in order to give you some of the answers your looking for, I need to figure out WH. I have only been to two counseling sessions, and last weeks session was more about her learning about me and my family history. We were not able really to get into more of what is going to help me yet. In order to have goals for me, for our relationship, and for our marriage, I need to know WH and what I'm really looking for in our future to give you those goals you seek. I want to at least see my couselor this week before I can sit down and think about us and our future, my goals for our future, my being the person you seek, an honest person. Please give me this time I need. I know your pushing for these answers, but I need you let me get the help I need to give you those answers.
�
I love you and hope to see you soon.
�
Love�always
WH Here's instructions for a WS to find himself. This is from Pepperband's notable posts collection. "We need to be apart so I can find myself" What a cute little euphamism that is, finding yourself or finding out who you are.
Many of my dear friends here no that I am a big believer in using a gentle touch on those unfortunate souls who either "Need to find themselves" or "Need to find out who they are" before they can come home to their families.
So, as a public service to these unfortunate souls I have composed "Finding yourself for Dummies"
First, finding yourself...
1. If you can't find yourself, try looking in your shoes. More than likely you will be there.
2. Do not bother looking where your children or responsibilities are, though that would be a reasonable place to look we know you are not there.
3. If need be, go to the police station and give the desk sargeant an 8x10 or you and ask to have an APB put out since you can't find yourself.
4. Ask your child to point to their mom/dad, if you are not sure which one you are reach into your pants and feel around, if there is a penis there, you are dad, if not, you're probably mom.
Now one of these tried and true methods ought to help you find yourself, but it probable dark so let's help you see better. Reach behind you, palms facing you, arms hanging down and grab. That's your butt. Now reach in that and look for a large round object, that is your head. Now, with both hands pull as hard as you can. You are now performing recto-cranial extraction.
Ok, now you have found yourself. We are making progress here! Now we need to find out "who you are". This is not so hard. Look around the house - if there are one or more particularly short little people ask one of them, they are called children, they probably know the answer as it was one of their first two or 3 words. Not able to talk yet? No sweat.
Look for the full grown person with the red eyes who looks like they haven't slept in a while - they probably know. They aren't home??? let's keep looking.
Try looking in a desk or filing cabinet. Look for folders named "mortgage", "Utilities", Or "Marriage license". There will probably be two names here - you are one of those. So we have found you and narrowed it down to two people.
Now look and see if there is a wallet around. Remember that? Little pocket sized leather folding thingy. Look for something that says drivers license. There should be a name. Now find a mirror (Glass thingy in the bathroom), look at the picture on the driver's license and the face in the mirror, if they match, the name on the license is WHO YOU ARE. If they don't, check those papers you found - you are the other name.
Now that you have found yourself and know who you are go find the other full grown person in the house and introduce yourself. Start out with "I'm sorry I could not find myself or figure out who I was, I know now"
Next, knock off the drama, quit being melodramatic and start being mom/dad, husband/wife like you are supposed to and quit with the childish theatrics because the final piece is WHERE YOU ARE. This is called the real world where people depend on you to act like a grownup and keep track of details like who and where you are. The little people in the house are kinda sorta counting on you too.
If this doesn't work and you have to take a journey to answer these questions there is a chance that when you find yourself you will be alone, without a house, without a spouse, without children who love you and without a penny. That is how my XW found herself a year later. Trust me, my plan outlined earlier is better.
Ahhhhhhhhh.... okay, I needed to get that out since the day my XW took off into the sunset and another post yanked that rant out of me. If your WS tells you that they need time away to find themselves and discover who they are print it out for them. If they can't follow the directions make sure the door doesn't hit them in the rear and injure their head. There is a reason I harp on not putting up with crap from WS's who like to play little selfish games - if you indulge them they keep playing them.
I'm better now. Thanks for letting me take a good long vent... maybe I am finally getting my old, dead, buried, BS issues from the days before I met J out of my system.
Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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He just emailed me...
BW,
�
The last 7-8 days have been brutal to my emotions, feeling, stress levels, and all of it in between.� I have felt severly depressed at times.� Saturday on our friend's boat he asked me what was wrong, because I guess I was being very quiet.� I just answered that I need to figure out my life, the next step, where I'm going.� That's how I feel.� My life is up side down.� I don't know if you hate me, love me, want me, or care at times.� I feel nothing has changed from two months ago.� The weekends are nice spending time with you, and then the weekdays are a nightmare.� I need structure in my life and I have�none right now.� I don't have a key to my own house, I don't even feel welcomed there.� I don't want to be gone from the dogs to long, because I love them, they are our kids.� I can't stop thinking about you and the dogs, our home, our family.� It all keeps me from sleeping and concetrating at work. I have to figure out the next step in life, and have to figure it out soon.
�
I love you, and I want to still make our relationship and marriage work, but in order to give you some of the answers your looking for, I need to figure out WH. I have only been to two counseling sessions, and last weeks session was more about her learning about me and my family history. We were not able really to get into more of what is going to help me yet. In order to have goals for me, for our relationship, and for our marriage, I need to know WH and what I'm really looking for in our future to give you those goals you seek. I want to at least see my couselor this week before I can sit down and think about us and our future, my goals for our future, my being the person you seek, an honest person. Please give me this time I need. I know your pushing for these answers, but I need you let me get the help I need to give you those answers.
�
I love you and hope to see you soon.
�
Love�always
WH Here's instructions for a WS to find himself. This is from Pepperband's notable posts collection. "We need to be apart so I can find myself" What a cute little euphamism that is, finding yourself or finding out who you are.
Many of my dear friends here no that I am a big believer in using a gentle touch on those unfortunate souls who either "Need to find themselves" or "Need to find out who they are" before they can come home to their families.
So, as a public service to these unfortunate souls I have composed "Finding yourself for Dummies"
First, finding yourself...
1. If you can't find yourself, try looking in your shoes. More than likely you will be there.
2. Do not bother looking where your children or responsibilities are, though that would be a reasonable place to look we know you are not there.
3. If need be, go to the police station and give the desk sargeant an 8x10 or you and ask to have an APB put out since you can't find yourself.
4. Ask your child to point to their mom/dad, if you are not sure which one you are reach into your pants and feel around, if there is a penis there, you are dad, if not, you're probably mom.
Now one of these tried and true methods ought to help you find yourself, but it probable dark so let's help you see better. Reach behind you, palms facing you, arms hanging down and grab. That's your butt. Now reach in that and look for a large round object, that is your head. Now, with both hands pull as hard as you can. You are now performing recto-cranial extraction.
Ok, now you have found yourself. We are making progress here! Now we need to find out "who you are". This is not so hard. Look around the house - if there are one or more particularly short little people ask one of them, they are called children, they probably know the answer as it was one of their first two or 3 words. Not able to talk yet? No sweat.
Look for the full grown person with the red eyes who looks like they haven't slept in a while - they probably know. They aren't home??? let's keep looking.
Try looking in a desk or filing cabinet. Look for folders named "mortgage", "Utilities", Or "Marriage license". There will probably be two names here - you are one of those. So we have found you and narrowed it down to two people.
Now look and see if there is a wallet around. Remember that? Little pocket sized leather folding thingy. Look for something that says drivers license. There should be a name. Now find a mirror (Glass thingy in the bathroom), look at the picture on the driver's license and the face in the mirror, if they match, the name on the license is WHO YOU ARE. If they don't, check those papers you found - you are the other name.
Now that you have found yourself and know who you are go find the other full grown person in the house and introduce yourself. Start out with "I'm sorry I could not find myself or figure out who I was, I know now"
Next, knock off the drama, quit being melodramatic and start being mom/dad, husband/wife like you are supposed to and quit with the childish theatrics because the final piece is WHERE YOU ARE. This is called the real world where people depend on you to act like a grownup and keep track of details like who and where you are. The little people in the house are kinda sorta counting on you too.
If this doesn't work and you have to take a journey to answer these questions there is a chance that when you find yourself you will be alone, without a house, without a spouse, without children who love you and without a penny. That is how my XW found herself a year later. Trust me, my plan outlined earlier is better.
Ahhhhhhhhh.... okay, I needed to get that out since the day my XW took off into the sunset and another post yanked that rant out of me. If your WS tells you that they need time away to find themselves and discover who they are print it out for them. If they can't follow the directions make sure the door doesn't hit them in the rear and injure their head. There is a reason I harp on not putting up with crap from WS's who like to play little selfish games - if you indulge them they keep playing them.
I'm better now. Thanks for letting me take a good long vent... maybe I am finally getting my old, dead, buried, BS issues from the days before I met J out of my system. LOL!!!! I almost peed my pants!!!
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Star - I say this with all the tenderness in my heart toward you - hope is not a plan. In my profession we talk about preferential bias - where we see what we want to see, hope to see, dream of seeing - but it ain't there. We can literally make ourselves see things that are. not. there.
Your own dependence on validation from your husband, no matter how waytard he is, will break you on the rocks of his lies, and his wayward self-centeredness.
Therapy isn't going to fix him. It will only give him new lines to try out on you to convince you he can't help himself, can't change and please take him back anyway and let him live his double life.
I think it might be a good time for you to browse the Plan B Cafe - start getting yourself squared away for your own sanity. Have a strategy in place so that you never let yourself call him again before he gives you the facts.
I understand not wanting details. But the poly was never about details, was it? It was a simple yes or no question - asked several different ways.
All you need to know is if he's still attached to any woman besides you in any way - via contact, via emotional attachment, via trinkets and is he keeping those doors open and bridges unburned? If you truly don't want details, I understand. But you need to know these facts about your life with him. You need to know that he's going to live an honest life going forward - if he's had enough of the lies so that he'll abandon any and all self-deception or deception to you.
Visit the link - there's a wealth of shares from people who have had to focus their thoughts onto their own personal recovery and away from the wayward.
Maybe it's time to collect some loonies in a jar (ask Scotland).
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Here's the first post from that thread with some emphasis for you: I've been cooking on this thread for a few days. 2Much2Lose, Tully, Bestfriend, and many more of you are dealing with the same issue. A number of you have been called on the carpet by well-meaning folks here and in your family for stepping into the Plan B process. They don't understand the purpose of Plan B. I've been reading "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen. Google this title and you can actually download the book free from asamanthinketh.net In particular, I love this quote for betrayed spouses: A person cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances." This is the greatest gift of Plan B. Before you removed yourself from the drama equation you were in what we call on the farm "a manure pit". Everywhere, the stench of cheating filled your nostrils - your thoughts and breath were consumed by getting the smell to stop! Well, that doesn't lead you to think of how to better yourself, your life, and it's difficult to think of anything but the past - back when the marriage didn't stink! Your wayward spouse accuses you of being the cause of the stinky marriage. But there's only one thing that causes this kind of stench - a wayward heart. And wayward hearts attract stenchy affair partners because they can't tell that they are the source of the stench. But here's the big truth.... It's not the wayward spouse who is your primary problem. .... ... .. . Yes - you read that right. It's yourself. The lacking of any sense of self-worth... by degrees. You believe their blame that you harmed the marriage and they were on their way out well before affair person came around... Yeah right. When it's their own SBDs (silent but deadlies) sabotaging the sanctity of their vows. If you are to become all that you were meant to be in a marriage, you must be whole, all by yourself. Plan B is a breath of fresh air. You can think of how to better your life a lot easier when it doesn't stink so bad your eyes water. However, a partial Plan B doesn't accomplish this. The most impressive moments in the lives of those who share their Plan B progress here – Mimi stands out when she put her dream house up for sale. Rinn stands out when she moved to the shelter. Charlotte when she hired Shiny. And most recently, Tully - yes - you - though you've been battered by your mother in law (a vicarious beating from your husband, actually) you took the Mimi approach and left the dream house. How would you respond to people if you absolutely knew that you were worth the fidelity requirement? How would you respond to your wayward trying to break down your Plan B? Mimi got to that point - she absolutely knew her worth and she would no longer tolerate life with a double-minded man. Her knowledge of her own value is the reason she is such an inspiration here. Rinn - you know what you thought of yourself before you left the marital home - you left, trusting in the words and knowledge of others, as well as that finality knowledge - you couldn't go on one more day under the threat of verbal, sexual, physical and emotional abuse. So Plan Bs in progress and Plan B Wanna-B-B-ers, listen up! Share on this thread who you are - ideal - without your WS defining you. And then read it every day like an affirmation. Remember who you are - sons and daughters of a heavenly father who loves you; find that perfection and let your thoughts lead you to live in the solution instead of the problem. Bob Proctor wrote a book I've had on my shelf for years. He says: [quote] You're either living in the problem or you're living in the solution.Plan B is the way to live in the solution. Let the wayward clean up the stench!
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Star - I say this with all the tenderness in my heart toward you - hope is not a plan. In my profession we talk about preferential bias - where we see what we want to see, hope to see, dream of seeing - but it ain't there. We can literally make ourselves see things that are. not. there.
Your own dependence on validation from your husband, no matter how waytard he is, will break you on the rocks of his lies, and his wayward self-centeredness.
Therapy isn't going to fix him. It will only give him new lines to try out on you to convince you he can't help himself, can't change and please take him back anyway and let him live his double life.
I think it might be a good time for you to browse the Plan B Cafe - start getting yourself squared away for your own sanity. Have a strategy in place so that you never let yourself call him again before he gives you the facts.
I understand not wanting details. But the poly was never about details, was it? It was a simple yes or no question - asked several different ways.
All you need to know is if he's still attached to any woman besides you in any way - via contact, via emotional attachment, via trinkets and is he keeping those doors open and bridges unburned? If you truly don't want details, I understand. But you need to know these facts about your life with him. You need to know that he's going to live an honest life going forward - if he's had enough of the lies so that he'll abandon any and all self-deception or deception to you.
Visit the link - there's a wealth of shares from people who have had to focus their thoughts onto their own personal recovery and away from the wayward.
Maybe it's time to collect some loonies in a jar (ask Scotland). I agree with you... I'm not planning on responding to his letter. He is obviously still in a major fog and I don't have time for him to find himself. I highly doubt I will get anything else from him this week... I just have a feeling...
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Starfish, I have just finished reading the marathon that is your story...
Keep holding your head up high. Hold on tight to your integrity and go back to basics. Demand truth 1st and the rest will follow.
It's so so easy to get caught up in the emotion of it all (meaning how you miss him and miss your previous life - hell I know allll about that!). You're doing a wonderful job just stick to the advice from ML and put on your tunnel vision so that you get the answers that you need to repair your marriage.
I know how sick you are feeling and how soul destroying this all is. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone in these feelings. Cyber hugs !
Me BS - 28
Him WS - 30
D-Day - 7th Dec 2010
Married 6 years
Together 9
2 gorgeous children
Trying to recover - one step at a time
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I guess you could say that I'm in a mild Plan B. .... I did tell him that I need the truth by the end of the week per ML. I will give him until the end of the week to see if he will come clean and then make a decision from there. There is no such thing as a mild Plan B! Plan B is dark and protects you. Plan B says I will be safe, in my own life until you give me truth and safety. Plan C is where the BS waits in the gutter. They have been kicked there, betrayed by their spouse and with fresh refusals from the spouse to help them out. In plan C, the BS does not get up and inside to safety. They say 'OK! I will wait here in the gutter for you and I will hope!' Which is really not a plan at all. Yes ML told you to get the truth this week, but he is refusing to make any appointment this week. And why should he? He doesn't take you seriously. How long are you going to wait in the gutter for the remorse which will never arrive? He is already showing signs of glee and entitlement on the back of you breaking Plan B. He thinks he has it made now. Two women (if not more) for life. He just emailed me...
BW,
�
The last 7-8 days have been brutal to my emotions, feeling, stress levels, and all of it in between.� I have felt severly depressed at times.
Waaaaaaaaahmbulance! I won't take action to heal your betrayal, I only care about MY feelings, my hurt and my own self-inflicted wounds.
� Saturday on our friend's boat he asked me what was wrong, because I guess I was being very quiet.� I just answered that I need to figure out my life, the next step, where I'm going.� That's how I feel.� My life is up side down.
Its much easier for me to make vague statements about 'figuring out my life' than to actually man up and take the simple actions my wounded wife requires of me.
� I don't know if you hate me, love me, want me, or care at times.�
Waaaaaahmbulance.....!. Actually I know I am damn lucky you still talk to me at all and I must be deaf if I don't know you love me. Its just that manipulating you into emotions of guilt is SO MUCH EASIER than quitting my addiction.
I feel nothing has changed from two months ago.
Well, I have made sure nothing has changed by continually refusing to change! I get double points for then blaming you for the lack of change!
� The weekends are nice spending time with you, and then the weekdays are a nightmare.� I need structure in my life and I have�none right now.� I don't have a key to my own house, I don't even feel welcomed there.�
Since you've given me an inch by breaking Plan B. I now wish to take a mile. Notice how I don't say anything to do with being welcomed back the minute I take a poly.
I don't want to be gone from the dogs to long, because I love them, they are our kids.� I can't stop thinking about you and the dogs, our home, our family.�
My wants, my needs, what I must have. My addiction doesn't leave me much time to think about YOUR feelings!
It all keeps me from sleeping and concetrating at work. I have to figure out the next step in life, and have to figure it out soon.
Are you buying this stuff? I really need you to, so I can get back to cake eating. I need that cake.
�
I love you, and I want to still make our relationship and marriage work, but in order to give you some of the answers your looking for, I need to figure out WH.
An endless task (I hope); this should persuade you to waste about twenty years on me. Of course I could book a poly THIS WEEK - but that would be considering YOUR feelings wouldn't it?!
�
I have only been to two counseling sessions, and last weeks session was more about her learning about me and my family history. We were not able really to get into more of what is going to help me yet. In order to have goals for me, for our relationship, and for our marriage, I need to know WH and what I'm really looking for in our future to give you those goals you seek. I want to at least see my couselor this week before I can sit down and think about us and our future, my goals for our future, my being the person you seek, an honest person. Please give me this time I need.
Gimme 20 years to life filled with uncertainty and misery. Just suck it up wouldya?
�
I know your pushing for these answers, but I need you let me get the help I need to give you those answers.
I want I want I want I want.
��
I love you and hope to see you soon.
Mmmmm cake.
���
Love�always
WH Why not just let him 'find himself' in Plan B? It would motivate him to be a grown up like nothing else. But most impotantly you would not be around to have him spit in your face like this. I don't think he is a bad person, Starfish its just that he's an addict at this point in his life. Breaking Plan B gives the alcoholic the keys to the liquor cabinet. Tell him you need that poly booked within five days (its already been two, am I right?) In the meantime you need to plan your return to Plan B in case he refuses or fails again. Hugs to you, Starfish.
Last edited by indiegirl; 04/11/12 02:06 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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WH just sent me another email:
BW,
I tossed and turned a lot last night.� I want to be home soon, I love you.� What will it take?
�
Love,
WH
How should I respond to this? He can't be that much of a complete idiot... Ok, well maybe he is... LOL!
Last edited by starfish75; 04/11/12 06:30 AM.
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Translation....feel bad for me, i want some cake,i dont want to take another poly......ignore him, block his emails, go thru your IM.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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WH just sent me another email:
BW,
I tossed and turned a lot last night.� I want to be home soon, I love you.� What will it take?
�
Love,
WH
How should I respond to this? He can't be that much of a complete idiot... Ok, well maybe he is... LOL! Unfortunately he thinks he's king, now. He thinks no woman could live without him and you will accept crumbs such as asking 'what will it take?' Instead of doing whatever it takes. I would just reply: 'You need to have the polygraph booked, taken and passed by (whichever day makes up one week since you gave him the one week deadline). That's what it will take. Make the arrangements today, if you have not done so already, and let me know when it is taking place by the end of the day, please. No love letters, no engaging him, no replying to his nonsense. Make your point and go out shopping or something. You're very busy. I think you need his answer today or you can just go ahead and assume the FR is already in the mail.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
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Why am I not able to send a PM to another user here? It says it's disabled...?
Never mind... I just read that PM's are permanently disabled.
I wanted to apologize to MelodyLane. I was not myself the other night... frustrated, lack of food and sleep and I'm sorry if I offended you. I know you were just trying to help...
My emotions are all over the place and I feel so out of control. I am sorry if I upset you or hurt your feelings!
Last edited by starfish75; 04/11/12 07:16 AM.
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He just emailed me...
and have to figure it out soon.
�
I love you, and I want to still make our relationship and marriage work, but in order to give you some of the answers your looking for, I need to figure out WH. I have only been to two counseling sessions, and last weeks session was more about her learning about me and my family history. We were not able really to get into more of what is going to help me yet. In order to have goals for me, for our relationship, and for our marriage, I need to know WH and what I'm really looking for in our future to give you those goals you seek. I want to at least see my couselor this week before I can sit down and think about us and our future, my goals for our future, my being the person you seek, an honest person. Please give me this time I need. I know your pushing for these answers, but I need you let me get the help I need to give you those answers.
� Dear starfish. My counselor has no real plan but is going to take my money week after week and spend it reopening old wounds. This is going to take a lifetime to pry out those truths. Please bear with me as I hide behind therapy and continue to choose not to be honest with you.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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