He is a disgrace and I am so livid bc he is getting away with everything. And he sits on his high horse, on a throne of self righteousness all the while not caring for his own children. I don't care if he hates me or doesn't care about me, but he proves he doesn't care about the kids bc he doesn't call or send $.
He is a disgrace but he isn't 'getting away with' anything. You are 1)rid of him, 2) in possession of your most valuable asset--your children. I would say you won in that deal. Sure it would be great if your kids had a good role model in their bio dad, but they don't. And no amount of you raging about or to him will change that. Let it go. In your mind pretend he is dead. (I certainly DO NOT mean that you tell your chidren he is dead). Disconnect yourself from him as if he were dead.
I would send a very clear communication to him (written) that you will not be allowing the children to visit him in CA. State also clearly that you will be happy to facilitate visitation between the children and him in your current city in IA. Also state you will need X amount of notification of said visitation in order to arrange your children's schedules to acccomadate his visit. I also hope your family will step up and stop giving him help when he visits....let HIM get a hotel room and rent a car. Those expenses are not your problem nor your family's problem.
The cs is another issue. If the set amount is only $100, I wouldn't bother pursuing it right now. Better that he racks up a big debt to you. Be very careful to not EVER discuss cs and visitation in the same sentence. Don't goad him with comments about 'leave us alone and you won't have to pay cs'. That will create a 'fight' response in him. Better to let it happen without you saying a single word about it.
