Sorry, I can't find my original post.

In a nutshell;

D day was almost 1.5 years ago.
FWH had a fling for 2 weeks whilst working overseas.
We have been following MB principles eversince.
FWH no longer travels for work and is 100% transperant.

Everything in our lives is great. I am feeling a bit better these days however every now and then I really remember the details of his dispicable behaviour and it throws me back into despising him!

Is this normal? He is meeting all my needs but when I am having bad days I struggle to meet his as I just feel like slapping him and pushing him out the door.

I still feel like forgiveness is a long way off. If we didn't have these gorgeous children, I really feel like I would have set him free.

Also, I hate not knowing if he could be using his work computer to be contacting the hussie...I doubt he would be due to all the work he's been putting into our marriage but how would I ever know?

Thanks for reading ...

Emotional roller coaster is normal, but unusual this long after. How long have you been on board with meeting each others EN's?

Click on your name on this thread and see "view posts". All your posts will appear. Alternatively, click "my stuff" at the top of every page and "view posts" will drop down.

My H stopped travelling and then used his workplace PC to keep in contact for a further 5 years. This only stopped because he retired last year.

If you do suspect that he is contacting him via work, then the only recourse I can see is for you to tell his workplace what happened and ask them to monitor him. It will undoubtedly go against their policies for people to send affair emails using workplace resources, so they will be happy to do this. This will be noted on his HR record and he might even be disciplined for it, but in your shoes again, I would happily do this to save my marriage.

So am I meant to be feeling 100% now? Just trying to work out what is normal.... Been meeting EN's since discovering MBa couple of months after d day...However I still feel like I don't love him like I did before. Will that come back?

Thanks Sugar Cane.
I am not feeling like he would be contacting her however it's just the not knowing thing that is screwing with my mind.

Are you and your husband in recovery now?

Hi sadandmad,

I went back and read your other threads and it sounds like you are still having obsessions about the affair.

Did you ever call the Harleys or write the radio show? MBRADIO or you can email your question to mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

Did your WH ever give you just compensation? Did you read SAA? Steps to Recover from an Affair

Another excellent article by Dr. Harley.
How Can Trust Be Restored After Marriage?

S&M, I'm confused. Your sign line says dday was just a few months ago. If DD was just 4 months ago, it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do.

Brainhurts, I will write to the radio show...my copy of the SAA didn't arrive. I must follow that up. ( I am not in the US and it's not readily available).

oops that siggy is wrong. Dday was in 2010.
He is a perfect husband (apart from those 2 weeks). He is kind, considerate, a great listener, a great troubleshooter for when I have a problem. He cares about me and tries hard to please me.
I used to adore him with every cell of my being. I used to want to cuddle him and be close to him etc. He was my world.

Just wonder if I can go on for the rest of my life not feeling those things for him anymore. I love him but it certainly doesn't feel the same as it did before dday. For this I feel a bit jipped. I have glimpses of it but it isn't constant. When I feel jipped I think perhaps I should have just Plan D'd in the beginning but the fact is I don't want my children being brought up in a split up home so I thought I had to give it my all.

sad, I'll bet that with two young children, you and your H are not spending 15 hours per week out of the house, alone together, on dates, not including watching films at the cinema.

We're doing the online programme and this requires us to plan our dates on Sunday afternoon and stick to them during the week. Our youngest child is 15, my H is retired and I work from home a lot, so meeting those hours is usually no problem. However, it came as a shock to realise how disciplined we must be to plan and stick to this timetable, and how creative we must be to plan circumstances in which we can talk to each other and focus on each other, and not be with other people or watching films. I would be surprised if you are already managing this with young kids. You need to be incredibly organised and disciplined in your situation to achieve this.

But it pays enormous dividends. You will transform your relationship by dating several times a week, as you did when you were first together. Get creative with child-swapping and asking for your parents' help, so that you can afford to leave the kids and get out of the house.

Please listen to these radio clips.

The first Dr. H talks about "just compensation" about 4:30 into the segment.
Radio clip on just compensation

Radio Clip
Dr. Harley also talks about thinking about the affair after all details have been out.

I don't have any advice or answers. I do I know what you're speaking of, S&M. I describe it as a cut that's been scarred over,....still twinges when you touch it, and lacks feeling; a numb area compared to the rest of you. But, you also remember how it used to feel before the cut.

Thank you for the links, BH. I've read the Just Compensation (my FWH, too). However, it's just not in my H's ability to do it. He claims he's 'just not able to',..too weak,...gives up too easily,...perceives it as punishment. What do the Harley's say about that?

Meanwhile,...I accept what I can and can't change and live with it, scar and all. It is what it is. It's still better than divorce for me right now: the pros still outweigh the cons --- the grass isn't greener -- and there's still a lot to be grateful for.

Thanks BH for the links etc. Off to listen to them again now. I did a whila ago but perhaps they maybe of more relevance at this stage of recovery.

Sugar Cane :You are dead right... geting 15 hrs UA is extremely difficult with 2 very young children. Must try to get sitters happening more often.

Daisy; Some days mine is an open wound. Other days I feel like it's a scar. I sort of feel the same in terms of pros and cons for divorce. We do have alot to be greatful for I agree. Other than this hump in the road we have a fabulous life together. however I can't help but feel that I am running at 80% and deserve 100%. My compromised marriage is gobbling up the missing 20%.
When I see people's status updates on fb about they're anniversaries with their husbands etc all gooey and fuzzy I get so jealous. That used to be me. I used to think he was the best man/husband in the world... Now i just get jealous of people who still feel that way....

This A brings out the worst in me!

BTW could the mods move this thread onto my original one so as not to confuse everyone? How do I get that done?

Just hit the notify button and ask the MODS.

Did you receive your SAA book?