Apparently he remarried. That's how good my post-divorce Plan B has been. I didn't know and no one told me, but I happened to trip over something today and there it was. They have a lovely picture on Google+.

Cannot tell you how stupid I feel. The joke's on me. But dear gods, this girl is stupid. Either she knew all about him and married him anyway, or she fell for a huge pack of lies and still doesn't know half of what's really going on.

It looks they got married in May 2009, less than *five months* after the divorce was final. What does that tell you?

I have to wonder if she knows that he owns a house with his ex-wife and has a joint checking account with his ex-wife, and that his ex-wife just signed the papers to get half his pension when he retires.

Strange - I remember telling my kids quite some time ago not to be surprised if he remarried. He likes having a family and only fired me because I refused to tolerate the girlfriends, both on-line and in real life. Either she believes his lies or is willing to look the other way. With me, the lies stopped working and I was not willing to tolerate the intruders. That's why he fired me.

(there is *no way* he's changed. No Way At All. He was still 100% wayward when he left, and they were obviously "dating" before the divorce was final. jeeeez . . . )

I'm in complete shock, but there's nothing I can do. The device has not yet been invented that can measure the amount of total stupidity going on here.

Holy schmolies Mulan! ::smacks forehead:: Of course you are stunned -- heck, I read your post mouth agape myself!



I'm really sorry. What an azz pickle he turned into!

(((((Mulan)))))

Mrs. W

((((( Mulan )))))

Hi mulan. I see your name around here a lot; you are a very respected member!

I know this sounds trite, but count your blessings he's somebody else's problem.

I'm sorry you had to see the photo. (((Mulan)))

Thanks, Letty. This is a great place and you will get help here you'll never find anywhere else. Hope things get better for you soon.

Sorry to hear that Mulan. We all know marriages based on lies will perish in due time. Don't beat your self up. Plan B was for you, not for him.

Wow Mulan! I'm sorry you had to find this out the way you. So you are still tied to him financially? Yikes! I could see that getting really messy if they ever divorce. Can you do anything to change that?

(((Mulan)))

(((Mulan)))

Sorry hun.

It does show the power of your Plan B that you only found this out now. That means that you are dark, and that is absolutely wonderful. It's too bad that you found out at all, but as PM stated, maybe now you have a head's up for things that could bite you in the butt later.

Yes, I thought of that last night. His name is still on the house because even after three tries, I have not been able to re-finance it - credit card debt is too high, though it's being paid off, and I can't show income in the form of alimony because he refused to send it to me directly and I take it out of the joint checking account that we had while we were married.

He refused to change that, too, and I wonder now if it was to hide that little fact from his new wifey. Take it from me - he was real, real good at hiding things, especially financial things.

Hi, guys, thanks so much for the responses.

Ever watch *The Sopranos*? It was EXACTLY like that, the way they depicted Tony and Carmella. Tony adored his family but it never, ever stopped him from chasing bimbos and he saw no reason why it should. The show even had Tony saying to Carmella some of the exact same things that I and a lot of other BS have heard. The only difference was that in the show, Carmella caved and just started looking the other way so as not to lose Tony and his money and real nice lifestyle. I could not do that, so I finally shut him down and he left - and he was remarried less than a year after walking out the door, which he did so he could finally enjoy being single!

His married employee girlfriend - the one who worked for him, the one he was seeing at the time he left and whose husband was going through suicidal depression at the same time I was - must have been devastated. This fool he married is *not* that one. I've never seen this one before. Hope it was worth it to the employee girlfriend, the one whose marriage XWH helped destroy. But I would imagine she'll just glom onto her next married boss, so it's all good.

After a while, I did notice that he had a pattern of getting a new girlfriend (while still trying his best to bribe me into being Carmella) about every 2-3 years. (checks watch). Their third anniversary will be next month. Wonder how it's going?

I'm sure the kids felt they were protecting me. I did make it very clear that I didn't want to know anything about what he was doing, and they knew how much that little detail would hurt. So it's really my own fault. I did apologize to my son for not being there for him to lean on while Daddy Dearest was getting married again, but he and his older sister did at least help each other out.

Daddy's new house is maybe 3-5 miles from here - though I don't think my son spends much time at all with Daddy and really hasn't since Daddy moved out. There seems to be an obligatory Sunday dinner from time to time, but that's about all. Guess now we know why!

Gee, I'm so glad XWH is happy because wouldn't it be shame to cause all this destruction if he wasn't?

Anybody know the stats on waywards and fast remarriages? I find that I'm rather fascinated by this. Don't know whether to laugh my [censored] off or throw up repeatedly.

<<Mulan>> At least you had some of his good years, the current wife just gets crumbs!

I hope you can get your house refinanced soon!

Hoping you are in a good place now.

ba (formerly nabohio)

Found this in the Plan A Plan B article.

"As it turns out, most affairs end within six months of their seeing the light of day (being revealed to their family and friends), and almost all affairs end without leading to marriage. Even those few that end in marriage have only a 25% rate of success. That's because affairs are based on dishonesty and thoughtlessness for the feelings of others. That same dishonesty and thoughtlessness eventually turns on the lovers themselves, and the affair is destroyed by those same flaws that made it possible in the first place. What drives affairs is passion, not commitment, and once the passion wanes, there is nothing to help the lovers restore their passion. Marriage, on the other hand, especially with children, has many factors that motivate couples to restore their passion for each other after passion has waned. So when passion is gone from an affair, a wayward spouse is usually motivated to return to the betrayed spouse by all of these other factors. For most, it's a logical choice."

Let's see:
Four months after the divorce was final, I adopted a second cat and was still struggling to get through a day.

Four months after the divorce was final, he gets married again.

At the time, there were some friends and family who didn't believe me about how far gone he really was. I'll bet they believe me now!

It would be like my worst nightmare coming alive ... I better start to prepare myself now. My WH has fallen off his rocker completely ... I could see him pulling a stunt like this.

***EDIT*** just suck .... God be with them!

(((Mulan)))

To add to what GJM posted in response to your Q about stats on affairs/waywards/remarriage, this is a thread on a radio show that you might find interesting where Dr Harley talks to "Kim" who is in an affairage and she and her now OM-H fight terribly:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2611256&page=1

PS - Have missed seeing you around here!

Hi Susie, thank you - will try to stop by a little more often and pass the savings on to the new customers!

I'm not even sure what XWH has now is an affairage - I don't think she knew him for long, though they must have been going out after he left and before the divorce - and even then - to marry some guy who is only four months from a very long marriage -

I have to wonder if she even knew how long he'd been divorced. Think she asked to see the divorce papers? I doubt it. I think he just wanted a replacement and thought he'd found one, after looking around outside of work for somebody who did not know his history and with whom he would have no mutual friends.

Stupid, stupid woman. And I thought I was stupid. Not even close to this.

Hey Mulan,

Could you drop by Jenniferislost thread? I believe you could share some valuable advice for her.

ba

Mulan,

As you were in Plan B. Do you wish you hadn't found out this news? Does it take you back?

I'm so sorry for your pain. I used to follow your posts. Glad you're back.

It IS good to see you again, Mulan.

You can do a great deal of good telling why a WS quitting their job is absolutely necessary in order to recover.

Though looking at your crazy XWH...I do believe he was never interested in recovery. Of a GOOD marriage anyway.

mulan, i don't understand the joint checking thing? why can't your lawyer take care of that? he shouldn't be allowed to skate on that issue.