I think you shouldn't get married now.

You ought to not live together and continue to date to see how it goes and maybe in the future get married and move in together.

(just another view point on it here)

I definitely do not want to get married right away; not until our issues are resolved, if they can be resolved.

She has been having mood swings lately.

She hates her boss.

She is failing to adhere to a diet that she wants to be on & she is angry about that.

She is angry that her vehicle will not be fixed until Friday.

She is displaying anger that is not common for her, right now.

She curled up on the couch with a blanket & put her head down. I asked her if she was going to nap & she said "No, I am going to lay here, like a child."

We talked about jobs available in the state that we both talked about someday relocating to but she needs to finish her degree first. She sounded a little snappy. I mentioned some couple counseling in the area & asked if she was open to it. She said that she didn't want to talk about it right now. I asked her if she wanted tea, and she said "Sure." I made the tea, placed it in front of her & said "Here is your tea." She said thanks but I was turning around to go do things around the house such as dinner, laundry, etc., before sitting down to post this.

I love this woman, very, very much, but I have my limits to the amount of attitude & coldness that I can take from someone. This is uncharted territory since she isn't normally like this.

I spoke to my sister about this & asked her not to judge, but I needed someone I know to talk to. She supports me but also says to make sure that I have a way out.

The thing is, even though this stuff has happened, my fiance got tickets to take my son to a ball game (just the two of them) & tickets to take herself, me, my sister & my sister's friend to an even this weekend.

One minute she is cold & distant.

The next she is making plans, talks about our future, getting on the same auto insurance, putting my son on our phone plan...things that you don't do when you plan on splitting up!

I'm feeling a tad drained today...

Sounds like an ideal time to get separate places to live. Even if you want to eventually marry.

She fell asleep. I went about my business. She woke up & called me into the room. She apologized three times & said that she shouldn't treat me like that & her mood was quite good.

If this is how you feel, she needs to move out immediately. To allow her to remain will risk any future the two of you have.

I would suggest you help her starting packing her bags tomorrow morning.

No more shacking up and explaining why you can't marry.

I can't tell her to do that. The house is in her name. I am not working enough hours to move out with my children. This is why it is all or nothing.

We have been having UA since last night. It was very nice. We also had breakfast together this morning. We are going to bed & getting up at the same time. I am working on this. She admits that she has to work on things too.

I don't know what else to do. I have to try.

Read the last few pages of my thread as to why it's dangerous to marry someone who is only half-in (I think the MB term is a renter). You don't want to end up in the situation I'm in now, believe me.

I read the pages, AJoseJake. I am very sorry that you had to go through all of that. Thank you for sharing that with me.

I think that my fiance is between buying & renting & that she is trying to decide.

I have been snooping, which I never imagined having to do with her. Because she put her email in my phone, her new emails pop up. She has been talking to her friend about us a little but she left out the email stuff with OM. She admitted to her friend that I am trying & that she needs to work on stuff too.

I checked her other email account. She hasn't blocked OM from that one but there was no correspondence on that account since 12/10. It was all innocent friendship stuff on her part but it is painfully clear from his messages that he manipulates her thoughts & feelings. I will ask her to block him from that email. I just haven't decided to ask her when we speak on the phone later or wait until I see her after work.

Part of me wants to run from this. I hate feeling this way. I put more trust & faith into this relationship than I ever have & truly fell in love with this woman.

Things are getting better. It is scary to bring up OM at all especially when I know that they cannot possibly see each other in person. I wish I could no the outcome of all of this & know if she & I can rebuild a strong, loving, trusting relationship like we once had. I don't want to be married to her if we go down this road again or she is never happy despite my efforts.

So, you can not live separately because you depend on her for housing.

If it doesn't work out for you two and you break up anyway.....you'd have to find housing then.

Do it as though.

Just this morning my fiance & I had a nice breakfast. We hugged & kissed each other goodbye & said I love you.

She called to tell me she left her cell phone behind. I looked at the contact list & OM is still in there. I checked her second email & she didn't block him from that yet even though she has had a chance since the phone call. For all I know she could have created another email. In her received text messages is a wink from another man. I forgot to mention that here. She came home & I smelled smoke from her hair & asked her about it. She said it was from her two smoking coworkers. The next morning she told me that she lied and it was the man her sent her the wink. She ran into him while looking for Easter stuff for my sons and he asked her out for a drink and told her about his recent breakup...

Poor boundaries... I cannot trust her.

My sister wants me to take the ring from my fiance when she comes home. She wants me to ask about every detail of the "dinner" my fiance had with the OM. She wants me to tell my fiance that her getting annoyed with me when I want to talk about "it" is unfair & shows that she doesn't care about my feelings.

She wants to come here Friday morning & move me out of the house & into my mom's until I can get a steady job & rent a place. She is on the phone with my mom right now.

I am beside myself. It seemed to be the perfect relationship until recently. I don't know how to handle any of this! I was fine and now I keep crying. She comes home tonight around 7:30-7:45. I am not a man who normally feels fear but I am so scared now...

Definitely agree with her that the engagement is over. Get the ring.

Its okay to cry. Its okay to be scared. It is being human and your feelings are there.

Move out and heal from this mess. You have done it before and can do it again.


It will hurt for a while but it is better than hanging on to something that will be never ending work in the future.

Read all these articles (not to save this relationship but to help you with others in the future)

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068a_qa.html

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068b_qa.html

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_cohabitation.html

Wow. Please listen to the radio show from today 4-11-12 at the very end, because they are discussing exactly your situation.

She has had EA during their engagement and DR. Harley says she isn't marriageable. It's the "David" segment towards the end of the show. Dr. Harley says she's a renter.

I'll check out the radio show when I can... right now my head is swimming & I don't know what to do or how things are going to turn out when she gets home... I wish that this wasn't happening...

Thank you, reading...

Please clarify. You told us SHE moved in with YOU in your first post. Now you're telling us the house is in her name. This doesn't make sense. ?

No we lived together & then got the house.

To clarify, I was staying at my mom's while trying to get a sub-contracting business off of the ground. When her birth control failed & she got pregnant, I asked her to live there with me. With savings from the business & money she saved, she was able to get a loan for a house.

She & I had a serious long talk. She said that she would take a polygraph to prove that she didn't sleep with the OM. She expressed remorse that I became so worried & that she messed up. She removed the rest of the traces of contact & said that she didn't need him as a friend when he was trying to make her leave her fiance & be somewhere else.

I asked her flat out if she truly wanted a future; why she wanted to split up; discussed boundaries, etc.

She agreed that she shouldn't go out with people when we aren't together. Full transparency, no secrets.

Did you get a chance to listen to the radio segment?

Here it is Radio Clip

It's at the end. The part of David from Australia.

Sorry, dude. WGF is gone.

You should be, too. Today would be better than tomorrow.

I don't believe that. I cannot believe that. She could have left me anytime she wanted. She said that she briefly missed her life before me & my sons. She regretted feeling that for that moment. I told her that is she wasn't happy to not be with me or feel trapped. She said she wants to stay with me, will respect boundaries, & work on us.

I love her too much to just give up. That is why I came back to MB.