It has been nearly six months to the day since I discovered H’s emotional affair. I will never forget that day, but the memory of it doesn’t devastate me anymore. It lasted just one month. They met on a business seminar, “fell in love” but decided they wanted to remain close friends so they didn’t “cross the line” and continued their affair over the net and phone after H came back home. I was 8 months pregnant at the time.<P>We ran the gamut of emotions and experienced all the ups and downs and setbacks. But, we immediately got counseling and threw ourselves into recovery. For the past 4-5 months I can say that H has been here 100% doing everything he needs to do…and I have too. Our marriage is what we always wanted…it is intimate and fun. It is safe and comforting and it is exciting again. We had drifted so far apart, created a huge gap and the OW stepped right into that gap. <P>After the baby was born I settled into a pattern of depressive episodes…not bad, but not fun. I would obsess about the OW and H, get real moody. H always recognized this and was able to pull me out every time. I was in such a mood on Saturday, hopefully my last, when I think I turned a corner. Nothing earth shattering happened but for the first time I truly began to BELIEVE that we are going to make it…that this is behind us. I began to BELIEVE H when he said that the whole affair means nothing to him, that he made a horrible mistake, that he would do whatever it would take to make it up to me. Since May 19th I have found no existence of her in our lives, there has been no contact at all.<P>Have any of you taken a leap of Faith? I have before and I’m taking one now. It’s like falling without a net. Saturday night I took a leap of Faith and decided to put it all away…to trust and to believe. I feel free. I am going to leave MB because I need to redirect my energy elsewhere. Being here keeps me too connected with the past and I NEED to move on. I’m one of the lucky ones, I know that. I reaped a bounty from this site and hopefully I returned some of it. I’m sad to leave, but excited to look forward, to really feel that Jeff (that’s the love of my life) and I can grow old together, we can heal from this terrible wound and our marriage can benefit from these mistakes.<P>You here are dear friends who got me through the darkest period of my life. I am indebted to all of you for your strength and courage, your stories, your support and your successes and your failures. Everyone has helped me heal. I hope I touched someone here, just once like I have been touched so many times.<P>Maya…you were the first person to post to me and you made so much sense in a situation that was senseless.<P>Lonestar…You and Petunia always gave me hope that we could get past this. You reminded me that H was a nice guy who got caught up in something bad, to stick around and read all I could…I’m glad I did.<P>Animac…knowing someone else went through this while pregnant helped me feel not so alone.<P>Against the Wind, Trustntruth, Dazed and Confused, Starpony, Sir Hurts A lot, Paul Moyers, Monique, Bozo’sDeb, airheart, Sheba, terri…And so many others I cannot count…your stories, your lives and your bravery amazes me. <P>Two special people stood out for me…I don’t “know” them, they just struck a chord and I read everything they posted….Wasstuborn…keep the Faith sweetie…you are going to get through this. <P>And Faith Hope Love…we shared such similar stories. You brought me so much hope and strength. You could say all I needed hear and so eloquently. You know and I know that we who are wounded by emotional affairs hurt deeply, but carry a guilt with that hurt…thank you for reminding me that I have every right to feel and to heal.<P>I adore you all and know that no matter the depth of your journey….you will make it. <P>Goodbye!<P>Joan<P><BR>

joanie<BR>I am so happy for you and your family. You have done so great!!!<BR>Take care and please stop back to update once in a while.<BR>Your words of encouragement have always meant a lot to me.<BR>You will be missed.

Hi Joan, I'm so glad to read your post.<BR>I said many times in here, that in the end, we just need that leap of faith, in order not to get stuck in thinking about everything over and over again and keep the affair alive when it's long dead.<BR>True that in some cases it might not work or be justified, but in the big majority it's the last healing tool. From then on we're free to continue our lives and our marriage taking with us what we learned, but not the negative emotions.<P>I'm glad you jumped.. I did too, many months ago, and there re no regrets. On the contrary I'm feeling much better with myself and my marriage. And so his Hubby. <P>ALl the best to you two from now on, and rememeber that fulfilling needs and keeping lovebanks full is not an emergency procedure, it's an everyday exercise to be practiced by both spouses forever <P>A big hug to you<BR>Take care<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Thank you for such kind words, Joanie. I believe we are going to make it, too.<P>I wish you all the best! Remember you can still touch base through e-mail too.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

joanie, good luck in the future, and congratulations on "graduating" from the forum! Your post gives me shivers!<P>--andy

Amen to your "leap of faith"!<P>That is faith in action. <P>God Bless you.<BR>TNT

I just wanted to reply once more...<P>wassy...I will stop by now and then to update and to see how my dear friends are doing. I have a goal of staying away until the new year...to allow me to concentrate on us w/o "her" as a factor.<P>Kat1...you said exactly how I feel. I need to leave and move on so the negatives of the affair will finally die. We still have each others' emotional needs lists and we check in weekly.<P>FHl, airheart and tnt...there's a saying that goes like this "It works if you work it"...I think ya'll are working it just fine... )<BR><P>------------------<BR>Joan <P>"Turn your wounds into wisdom..." That really cool black gal who was on Oprah all summer.<BR>

Joanie:<P>Thanks for the kind words. This is why I stick around . . . because every now and then, I <I>do</I> help somebody. Makes me feel good to know that Petunia and I were able to help you. Congratulations on your new life together. I'm sure you'll both be happier than you could ever imagine.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

Joanie, Thanks for the posts to me when I needed solid encouragement to do what I knew was right. I'll miss your posts.<P>My h. is such a changed man now. It's as if the blinders were removed and he notices the rest of the world (besides OW) now. <P>I get a kiss every morning before he leaves for work. Some days he brings me a cup of coffee to pull me out of my grogginess. I could never have dreamed he'd be kind to me again...<P>We too have goals. He wants to re-do vows (individually written) in the New Year. I am still cautious, as we haven't even been back to our therapist together since he confessed. He started a new job and says in retrospect, the old office was more like a frat house than a place for professionals to do business.<P>"Light dawns" I have been saying for years that this place was not a normal office, but now that he works with people with professional standards, he agrees.<P>Check back after the New Year, perhaps you'll see a post announcing "Liz Smith and h. announce the renewal of their marriage covenant"!<P>Please pray for us tommorrow night. Our therapist saw me individually for a long time, and he is afraid that she thinks he is "an amoeba on pond scum" (His quote). At least he is committed enough to me to risk it.<P>Thanks again, <P>LIZZIE<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>