Hello All,
First thing i would like to say is i really feel sorry for everyone that is here. It hurts me even more to see so many in the SAA forum as well. I Truly wish there were a million people in the MB101.

I have been in MB101 for a very long time and there is alot of support there. I am a recovering verbal abuser. In my case i was a covert verbal abuser, meaning i would make sarcastic remarks. Like "you have a masters degree and you cant figure that out? Some may think that its not big deal, just a joke, but it does in fact scar some people. Some more deeply than others. I am friends with hurtingturkey for those of you that know him.

We both have worked diligently on that problem even though our situations are different.
I really do love my wife and son and my stepson. After i became agressive on working on my problem, i realized my core hurts and how they affected my behaviour towards my family at time. I havent had an incident in 9 months. And that incident my wife didnt agree that it was an incident but i knew it was, adjusted and havent had another. There has never been any infidelity, we dont drink, nor smoke.

We have been apart for 15 months today. She lives with her mother with my son. She recently sent her son to a military school which hurt me tremendously as well. I have raised him since he was 5 and he is now 14.

It was only a month ago, my wife had called me and said she wanted to reconcile. She was tired of living with regrets, she wants to be obedient to God and what he has called us to do. She is tired of living with her controlling mother.

My stepson also has asked her several times to ask me to go to family counseling, he said he misses me and wants to be a family again. We assured him it would be alot of work and he said he was up to it.

This all happened while her parents were out of town. Then they came back and she became distant. I asked her about it and she said it was a bad week. She was lonley and said some things she shouldnt have.

Then last week i received the divorce papers.

I am hurt of course. My heart truly hurts for my two year old son. I am 43 and waited so long to have a child, so that i was financially stable and got all the partying out of my system. I never wanted him to go through what i did, without a father. I wanted him to be in a family environment with a mom and dad. No one ever asked him. He never had a chance.

He has become so attached to me because i spend quality time with him. He cries when he has to go back to moms.

So thats my story, I am not sure if this forum is to help people recover their marriage, or just to provide support. But i am here. I do plan on standing for my marriage. I am a handsome man as i am told, I would not have a problem finding someone else. But i really believe it is a great example to set for my son. I do not see myself being with anyone but his mother. I am at peace with that.

My heart goes out to everyone here, and i pray daily for all marriages to be restored and reconciled.

Blessings

I am 29 and share the same pain as you over my 2.5yr son. We have to stay strong, for ourselves and our sons. We will overcome.

I'm here and not wanting to be either. My WH dumped me after 27 years. And, sadly, broke the news to me the week I retired. He was three years away from retirement, but, now I doubt he will ever be able to. I had him set up, but, he has lost for us everything that was built in 27 years. I had to file for divorce when he moved the OW into MY home and locked me out. Eight months later he is still living with her, supporting her (she doesn't work) and our home is up for a distressed sale. After all is said and done, the final will be what he owes me from his gov 401k which will be my down payment on another home. Who knows what he will do. He is broke and has to start all over again at 56. All I can say is I hope she is worth it.
I've never been so shocked and hurt in all of my life.

Ruikee, glad you have found this place, but sorry you have had to. It sounds like you have already been standing for your marriage as much as possible.

I think one of the common threads is the wayward mindset, and we really cannot fault ourselves for not breaking through that, despite the best efforts, but it is hard to accept the failure of our marriages when we have made every effort to account for the failings we have made. I know I have admitted and accepted responsibility for so many mistakes I made in my marriage, and I have made major changes in my behavior to live differently, and yet here I am. Ruikee, it sounds like you too have made changes to no avail. Yet what we are doing is improving ourselves, if the marriage cannot be saved, so be it. Today is a day of acceptance for me.

I guess I'm desperate for some hope. My husband moved out a year and a half ago, 3-year on again off again, across the country from each other, affair now going stronger than ever. She is insisting he push through a divorce. He pulled out of this completely once. Then she got to him and he left. Twice he almost came home, and now this. Part of me hopes he will finally go do real life with her, take away the fantasy element and start dealing with all the garbage her husband has been shouldering. (Yes, she's married too, 8 kids total in the middle of all this). I assume she must be filing as well.

I am so heartbroken. I was so committed to him and our marriage, and I have seen him be so different when he can get away from her, even a little bit. But then those affair blinders go on and he is not even himself anymore. Hates me, blames me, hates his kids. It's so awful.

Does a WS ever pull out and see the light even after a divorce? Do they just usually rush into marrying the OP as fast as they can so they have no time to think? I cannot imagine the heartbreak of watching him be in some blissful marriage to this awful person.

Should I just harden my heart like he has and go on? Or continue to show love in the small ways that I can? Or just keep praying? I am religious and believe strongly in marriage - that it's sacred and forever. Yes, he broke all that. But does that mean I should too? Do I go dark, cut off all contact (which the OW would LOVE) and hope maybe he crashes and burns at some point? Or try to keep some thread of connection to him? He's even severed everything with our children. None of them want to see him anymore; it's just too hard.

I need some sound advice from someone who's been here. Any thoughts?