Hi everyone. Thanks in advance for reading this.

My husband and I got married young - we were 20. However, before that, we knew each other for years. We were not high school sweethearts but started dating the winter after high school ended. We will be married 5 years in December. A few nights ago, my husband and I had a big discussion because I could tell something isn't right. We have grown apart. Things are not the same and that was obvious to me. He said that he doesn't have that "romantic" love for me and that he loves me like a family member, not like a wife. I was devastated but there have been periods in my marriage where I believe I've felt like this, but I have a strong feeling of love for him that overrides my sometimes doubt. He said he thinks I am beautiful but just doesn't have that same urge that he had before. He is not having an affair... trust me.. everything has been put on the table. I feel better that he was honest with me about this. He wants to work on our marriage. How does he, and in case I ever go through it, how do WE get the "feelings" back? So that we don't feel like two people just living together going through the motions. Thank you so much!!

First and foremost; don't just take his word that he isn't having an affair. Verify it. Quietly do some snooping; check phone records, physically check his phone if you can, check e-mail, facebook, etc.

Do not let him know you are doing it, either. The "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you" is common with infidelity. A wayward is not "in love" with their spouse because they are "in love" with an affair partner.

Once this is verified (no, don't deny it again, LOOK! VERIFY!) Start reading the basic concepts on this site.

Thank you for the suggestions. I have read and written down the basic concepts.

I know he is not having an affair. After all the harsh things he has told me already, he would have told me that.

Actually, no, he would not have told you he is having an affair. There are many reasons for that - avoiding trouble, affairs are more "fun" if they are secret, it could be someone you know, etc.
How do you know he is not having an affair? He spends all his time with you? You have been able to check his phone and computer any time you like? You know exactly where he is when he is not with you? Is he totally transparent with his life? Is he still having sex with you?

"I love you, but am not in love with you" is the number one red flag for an affair.

If you can't answer the questions above with certainty, please check up on him. There are many, many spouses who come here and have no suspicion of an affair.

In the meantime, if you have read the basic concepts, identify and eliminate any "lovebusters" in your marriage, especially the selfish demands, disrepectful judgements, and angry outbursts. Spend at least 20 hours a week in recreational activities, intimate conversation, affection and sexual fulfillment.

AM

Welcome to MB.

These are great reads by Dr. Harley.
How to Avoid an Affair #1
How to Avoid An Affair #2

After you for sure to rule out an Affair, this will be good.
Five Steps to Romantic Love

In February of 2010 when I got the same thing from my wife, along with all sorts of complaints and this and that.

When I asked if there was anyone else, the verbatim response was "There isn't anyone else, so just get that out of your head."

Yet, on review of our cell phone records online uncovered hundreds of texts daily to a single number... a coworker she had been having an affair with.

Our marriage is now recovering. This is a common story G2G.

If you want to recover your marriage, you first need to know exactly what you are up against, OK?

Do the checking. If you find nothing? Awesome! That's fantastic! You would want to look into His Needs, Her Needs and Love Busters (books by the founder of this program).

If you find evidence? Don't confront with it right away, report here and folks will lead the way as you expose, confront, and destroy the infidelity.

But... please, please, PLEASE absolutely verify through means other than his own word. A person embroiled in infidelity is not to be trusted.

Actually, one thing you will find said here; "You should NEVER trust your spouse to NOT have an affair."