For what its worth, I have seen Satan use the most wonderful, Godly people to stop the process that you were led to implement by the Father through the Holy Spirit. I often wonder if they (will ever) see how they play right into Satan's hands for his purpose, not God's? We will all pray that you stay strong, my sister in Christ.

Agree with every word she said. WHIP, you need to take refuge in GOD's word in the Bible. That is how you know if you are on the right track. The rest of us are all sinners, me, Dr Harley, your counselor. If we tell you something that is contradicted by the Bible, you should pay it no mind. And helping to hide an affair is EVIL because it only serves to facilitate the affair. The only thing you harmed by exposing it was the AFFAIR. And that is a good thing! '

On the other hand, now that everyone knows, folks can hold your husband accountable. He can no longer hide in the darkness.

WHP,
so very sorry for what you are currently going through. I want you to know that you HAVE done the right thing. I too am a pastor, and want you to know that a lot of what "Good Christian" counselors and leaders advise is not good, biblical or healthy. The Bible itself says that Satan likes to do his deeds in the dark and our job is to bring them into the light. You have done no harm and should let go of that lie immediately.
I also want you to know that your husbands response sets off all sorts of alarms within me. He is not merely another deluded cheat. He appears to have some dangerous tendencies to control you and others.....and I suspect he is very good at it. There is some evil lurking there that I don't know enough about to identify....but there is somethign scary about what is going on with him.
Stay here girl. Stay with the plan. Keep on loving your trusted counselor....but he is simply wrong on this one. Stay the course.

Well, Jesus said to involve church people when sin comes between us:

"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (Matthew 18:15-17)


Well, now you can blame him for a little bit. Which is probably a healthier view of him.

WHisapastor,

Keeping Church scandals quiet did not work so well for the Catholic Church, to the point that otherwise innocent priests will no longer wear the Roman collar in public.

Sorry but a bad counselor is public business, anyone who assume a position of trust and confidence had better be prepared to hold themselves to a standard of avoiding even the appearance of improper activity.

God Bless
Gamma

I went through something similar. I was the BS, exposing the affair between my pastor and wife.

I have never regretted it for a second. Only regret not doing it sooner.

I heard some similar things, that "they would have gone about it differently."

Most people, no matter what we believe about them, when faced with a choice that makes them uncomfortable will avoid it, and would also rather other people make choices that allow them to avoid it as well. People I never thought would ignore or cover up their heads or put their fingers in their ears did. I am talking about church leaders.

Shake the dust off your shoes and move on. Maybe you should tell your respected counselor that you are surprised that he would rather cover up adultery than end it.

Titus 1:

"An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer manages God�s household, he must be blameless�not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined"

1 Timothy 3:

"Now the overseer is to be above reproach, [b]faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God�s church?) "

Christians are responsible for seeking out shepherds (pastors) who are like this, to shepherd them. So if you have knowledge that one of my shepherds is not like this, you need to tell me so that I can stop following that false shepherd. Otherwise, you are colluding with him to deceive and defraud God's flock by helping an unqualified man be a fake shepherd.

So exposing a pastor who is not "faithful to his wife" (it literally says "a one-woman man") is mandatory.

I look at it this way.

I have heard many sermons and sat in Sunday School where the trials and persecutions of missionaries and others in foreign countries and cultures are talked about. Violence and even death. It usually includes a comment about Americans not facing persecution for our faith.

Well, standing up for God and Christ is standing up. Pressure, possible ostracization (?) and discomfort are persecution. Knowing that God gave me the privilege of being persecuted for Him makes me very grateful. If he lets the others go on without being destroyed by guilt when they realize they were give n the opportunity and ran from it as fast as they could, then that means they are not His anyway.

That's my opinion, anyhow.

Very good insight. You're a quick study. Lies are blunt tools against truth. The truth is clear, easy to see and point to. It makes hearers feel safe and relieved .Lies don't add up, they are the wrong colour, the wrong shape the wrong weight. They make hearers uneasy. Like an artificial flower it can fool a fleeting glance, but what chance does it have against the fresh bouquets you are handing to all?

Is Exposure a good thing? Well the proof of the pudding is in the eating. This week you have active help, words of support, the slander on your character is over and the APs have nowhere to hide. I missed the part where this can be construed as bad in any way.

As for this counsellors advice, that is very disappointing.His courage is underwhelming. Anyone who counsels fear and the misleading of an entire flock is entirely too comfortable with the idea of people being deceived. Which means that if he knew important information about you, which might trouble you, he would just not tell you.

An old friend said something very similar to me on Dday 'sort it between the two of you' 'you have made things worse' 'he loves you'

Then he sent a text to WHs phone while I still had it. The text showed hed known about the A the whole time and not told me. Hed enabled it with secrecy, even though he 'said' he disapproved.



Couldn't agree more. It's not the evildoers who create the most trouble in the world, but those who look away for weakness instead of standing up to it. Because there are so many more people in the second category.

Too bad about your counselor, though I'm sure he meant well. Before all this happened to me, I might even have agreed with him. I certainly wouldn't have understood as well as I do now.

Don't stress too much over it. He can still be a wise, Godly man, even while mistaken about something.

I applaud your action! So many that come here for help argue for a month beforehand, meanwhile, enabling the active affair with their inaction. Do not be offput by anything WH says, he is following wayward script.

I would not debate with him, normally you start out with a short plan A followed by a plan B but I'm not sure how you're to carry out a plan A at this point with being separated, you may have to go directly to a plan B. Have you read up on this yet?

Don't debate with him, as kayc said. It's like beating the oven with your head...your head hurts, and the oven doesn't care.

There is a script, as she also said, that waywards follow. They will beg, plead, cajole...

..and say that they can never trust you again (HA!).

Plan A is more difficult long-distance, but it can be done.

You've done the right thing if you want to save your marriage. I have a friend whose wife left him with no explanation and filed for a divorce and he still refuses to snoop to see if she is having an affair just so he doesn't rock the boat. Little does he know that he will never get her back unless he discovers and exposes. Keep following the advice here, its based on methods tried and true with a high success rate.

God is on your side!

Do you have an update? How are you today? Please check in.

Are you okay today? Please update us we are praying for you!

Thank you for praying. The battle is so fierce right now. WH has confessed this affair to me and our parents, but STILL denies it to everyone else and continues to spread lies about me! While at the same time telling me he loves me and wants things to work out. What?!!
He called me yesterday to tell me he had heard about the letter. He was calm and polite, said he hopes i feel like it accomplished what i wanted it to, he still loves me very much and he forgives me for sending it. He was going to continue to pray for me! Haha! I couldn't believe there was no anger or threats or "I can't believe you did this!!"
I am defenseless. Its "the Preacher's" words against mine, and you can figure out who people believe. Even his parents, who have HEARD him talk about the innappropriate relationship have cut communication with me. Its such a ridiculous mess it is making me sick! I mean physically sick. I am living off God's Word and my time spent in prayer and Scripture study. God HAS to have a miracle here SOMEWHERE!!!

You will need to pray daily about this. Heck--more than daily. Continue to talk about the affair and expose to anyone who matters to him in any way. Pray for him, too.

Forgive you for sending it? Geez. Yes, I'll forgive you for making me look like the cheating wayturd I am. Yes, then you'll sweep it under the rug for me, won't you?

/sarcasm

Your Godly character and behavior is your best defense. Reflect Him with patience and love, and your WH will also reflect his own master.

Though some people may never discern between the two, others will, over time.

Your task now is to come up with a plan to apply MB, and stick to it. Though the A was not your fault, you may have neglected some of WH's important emotional needs (EN's). Time to figure out what they are, and to meet them as much as he'll let you.

Chances are, Admiration is in the top 3. Think of something you can praise him for, even if it's something in the past, and then share it with him.

I am very sorry his parents are being enabling. They clearly care more for fake repute than holding their son to a high standard.

Luckily he has you as an example of truthful and honourable behaviour. Give him a high bar to attain to. When he talks of forgiving you, say 'I will not give you unearned forgiveness, I will give you the chance to earn my forgiveness.

Make it clear if he continues on this path, he will lose you and you will not be a friend to him while he is wayward.

Its no matter he is not admitting it. Its very rare a wayward would do that.

Just continue your plan A, in a few short weeks you will have the sanctuary of Plan B.

Have you read the carrot and stick of plan A thread.

Nothing he says while wayward-drunk will make sense or be truthful. Just don't listen. Make your points, don't listen to his.