My wife and I separated 3 months ago. We agreed to work on ourselves while separated and work toward reconciliation. The plan was a few weeks silence, then getting together once a week and seeing how things went from there.

I found out that 24 hours after I moved out, she registered on a dating site and was actively using it.

When I confronted her with that she told me she wanted to date people but not sleep with them. Then a few weeks later she told me she wanted to sleep with some guys. I'm pretty sure she's done that (I can get proof if needed), and likely has a boyfriend.

We have had virtually no contact since separation, except around kids and basic logistical stuff. She has made it clear she now has no interest in reconciliation.

I don't believe she set me up, her actions are in response to her extreme emotional reaction.

Given we were separated, albeit for 24 hours, at the time she started dating, does this count as an affair? Is exposure an appropriate tactic? Many people would say "you are separated, you can do what you want".

Bear in mind, she is active in church (not the same church I go to) and virtually all her friends are as well.

18 years married, 2 kids. I'm 100% sure this is going on - she's even TOLD me she wants to sleep around. I have proof she's been doing so, don't have proof she has a boyfriend now but can likely get it if needed.

Welcome again and thanks for starting your own thread.

You're still married and so YES she's cheating and she wanted the seperation so she can roll around with other men.

I saw that you posted on the exposure thread so go back and read that thread and follow Melodylane's advice.

Who moved out you or her?

Expose like a nuclear bomb, especially to the OM's wife. Is he married?

You're in Plan A and so read this.
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Need to tell the kids, her family, your family.

If you left the home.

Get back home and tell her "honey I'm home" I will do whatever it takes to save my marriage.
Read this
Men Do not leave your home

Welcome to the best place to be in your circumstances.

Yes it is cheating (as long as you are married) and yes, she did set you up.

"We need to separate" means often that "I need to have space to carry on my affair(s)". Your case supports that 100%.

Exposure is not for having others approval, don't worry what other people say about separation. Exposure works whatever they think. Exposure makes for WW very hard to continue her hurtful actions thus making reconciliation more possible.

I can't do the carrot part of plan A. We live separately and have almost no contact.

Who left you or her?

I moved out of the house. I have the kids weekends.

I initiated the separation, but it was more or less mutual.

You need to move back home.

You tell her I'm home and I will do whatever it takes to fight for my M.

Read this Men Do not leave your homes

Then Plan A like a rockstar and expose to high heaven, loud and proud.

Do your kids know?

the Kiss of Death desperateguy...BAD move. You said you can't do the "carrot" thing of Plan A because you are separated with almost no contact.

People don't think separation through. The goal is to get BACK together afterwards. Why does this never happen? Motivation for the separation to begin with. Desperate guy, get BACK there with her. Plan A won't work anyway if you aren't there for her to see, hear, feel, taste, sense, observe, etc, etc.

Go back.

Hmmm, interesting thoughts. Moving back, WOW that would piss her off. Not that it's a reason to not do it. But it would REALLY ruffle her feathers.

I'm gonna need to sleep on that one...

Yes it will because you'll be crashing her skank house.
She will also be mad when you expose her dirty little secret, especially if she is involved with the church.

Do the right thing and destroy her affair.

Get a good nights sleep and by morning I'm sure you'll have even more responses.

Are you afraid of her? I mean really - should'nt her be afraid of YOU - after when it was revealed that she lied and cheated?

Be a man and stand up for yourself. She will find that attractive (after trying to get you back off, of course).

Hi DG, sorry you have reason to be here but glad you found us.

You are getting good advice already and vets will be along in the morning.

I just want to reinforce moving back home.

Your WW is NOT setting your kids a good example. She is acting selfish and entitled, as all waywards do. Your kids need YOU to act as the role model right now, your WW is incapable. Think of her as a falling down drunk. Would you let your alcoholic and drunk wife care for your kids?

Move back in!!! Fight for you marriage and your family!!!

And do a massive exposure. Don't hide her addiction, don't enable it. Reveal it to the world.

DG, have you read up on exposure? Dr Harley knows this is the most powerful weapon to break up an affair. When everyone knows about you WW's behaviour, it can help reality and the consequences set in. Please read this.

Exposure 101

DG, these are not just thoughts. They are a PLAN to attack an affair and give you the best chance to save your marriage.

Think about it... what is separation achieving? Allowing your WW to shop for your replacement?

That IS what she is doing.

I am/was in your position. Listen to the experience and wisdom these people are giving you. FIGHT! I made halfheartedly followed the advice . You do not want to be where I am at. Today is out ten yr anniversary. Next week is divorce and custody fight. Fight like a mad man on a mission from the get go. Please you will not regret it!

I am/was in your position. Listen to the experience and wisdom these people are giving you. FIGHT! I made halfheartedly followed the advice . You do not want to be where I am at. Today is out ten yr anniversary. Next week is divorce and custody fight. Fight like a mad man on a mission from the get go. Please you will not regret it!

Thanks all.

I've seen a lot of talk about exposure. I have to say, I'm not convinced. That doesn't mean I can't be convinced, but it does seem a very out there thing to do. That's doesn't mean it's wrong, I'm not attacking the idea. It *might* just mean I need some time to come around to it.

What I'd like to know is what is the evidence for exposure? Ok, Dr Harley recommends it. That doesn't mean it's the best plan for every situation. Or the best plan at all. Other "gurus" give very different (and equally generic) advice. Why is this one the best?