Exactly. Once the test fails a few times, they give up hassling the relatives.

Seriously? He is trying to break her PB, so we will reward him for going around the IM? NOPE. NO WAY.

Star shouldn't have even gotten the message from her mom. This goes AGAINST MB and PB.

When a Wayward tries to go around the IM, they get CRICKETS as a response.

In this case especially, as her WH already believes she isn't going to be completely serious, as she already backed out of PB once.

Star, you need to shore up this PB. I like that you have neighbours watching and telling you when your WH is around your house. Do you have exclusive use of your home? If he were to show up, could someone call the police instead? I think that it might only take once, and he wouldn't return. If you were to go this route, ensure that you are protected, in all avenues as he will most likely retaliate.

And see, this slip in PB has you thinking about how he must be playing soccer again. He may be, and maybe not. It. Doesn't. Matter.

Spackle up those holes. Get tighter in your PB.

hi star. i'm so happy to hear you've gone to plan b! it is HARD to ignore what people tell you because you WANT the contact yourself. YOU are going through withdrawal too. DO NOT bring anything to your moms. and role play w/her. role playing helps a lot.

if mom is passing you messages, you are not dark. stick to the plan! you go, girl!

and get ready for the "downs." there will be a few. if you have a plan to cope with them, it will help.

I'm not going to drop off his soccer stuff at my mom's. I talked to my mom about what to say to him next time if he says anything to her. All correspondence needs to go through the IM. If he refuses, then I won't hear anything from him.

I'm starting to feel that he's never going to come clean and maybe I should file for D. I'm not quite ready to actually do it yet, but just something I've been thinking about. I'm 36 years old and would love to have a family. Just feel like I've been spinning my wheels in mud and getting nowhere.

I am taking care of myself and making apponintments for myself and my pets while I have the time off. Might try to go back to work next week part time.

Hey star, just wanted to drop by and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Just follow Scotty's and indie's PB tutelage and you'll be fine, but don't deviate from what they tell you to do. If or when you come to any breaking points, come and talk to us before acting. I'm not going to pretend to be a PB guru (pretty much like anyone else who's not done PB) but I think enough of us have at least an elementary grasp of it to stop you if that time comes and the PB vets happen to not be around.

Okay, I'm beating around the bush. Please don't make the same mistake you made last time when you broke PB. I know it may have felt right, but I'm sure you are seeing now that it wasn't. And if you break it again it will only get tougher.

You deserve better than this. Don't feed his need for you while feasting on others as well. You're the entr�e, the others, the appetizers. Let's see how how long he can live on snacks before he realizes what the most satisfying part of dinner is.

Hang in there sweetheart.

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement!

I definitely realize the mistake I made breaking PB the last time and do not want to go down that road again! Thank you for putting the appetizer vs. entree into perspective for me! I think your description of it is right on!

I promise to come here anytime I feel like I might break my plan. I'm really feeling so much better about everything this time around. I have family, friends, neighbors, co-workers and all of you here to help me through the tough times. Thank you so much!!!

Just want some opinions here:

What does it mean when a WS says, "I really feel it's over."???

No, I didn't talk to him in case anyone is wondering.

Nothing. If he were NOT a WS, then you might consider some sense or weight in his words, but since your WS is a as wayward as can be, then nothing. It is over when it's over, and it is your decision not his, because it is about YOUR requirements. He is obviously not up to live those requirements now, so it is your decision whether it is over or not. During your plan B you will decide it hopefully.

I just wanted to point out one thing:


Don't let ALL correspondence go through IM. Only finances and such, because you will go crazy. If your IM is Indie I'm not worried, she is one tough cookie and knows it, but if it is someone else and who is not very strickt, then you have to instruct her very carefully.

Sounds like a combined subtle threat/curiosity teaser/plea for pity to get you to to break your plan.

He's good.

Get your contact details changed and dont read anything that gets through!

Youll never truly get through withdrawal while this stuff is taking up your mind.

Hi Mrs R, I am her IM and there's only a few basic finances/practical matters to sort out. Once we can get him to stop harassing her relatives and go only through me, there should be very little to do and the messages will fritter out into a truly dark plan.

She doesn't have children, like me, and its going to be easy to keep messages to a minimum.

Day 5 and no contact with WH. I still need to change my phone number as he keeps texting me. I'm ignoring/deleting them. I'll work on this tomorrow or first thing on Monday...

I see a Plan B determination forming! Yay starfish!

You won't come out into the good bit of Plan B until that phone is taken care of. Once its done you'll know what I mean.

He will probably not take your PB serious or start using the IM until you fix this hole.

Yes, spoke with my mom and sister about getting our own plan, which we will check on tomorrow.

Be honest, a small part of you doesn't want to change your number because you WANT to know that he is trying to contact you. It. Doesn't. Change. ANYTHING. He is still unwilling to be honest, and he is unsafe for you emotionally because he is still wayward.

It's no small thing that you made it longer this time, just keep plowing through. As soon as you get all of those holes patched up, you'll feel much much better.

I don't have an issue with him not being able to contact me if I change my number, but I have also been very busy. I had 4 appt's today and was exhausted.
However, I will admit that I have had the same number for 11 years and I love my phone number!!! It's going to be a big pain to change and notify a lot of people about my change of number. I know it needs to be done.

Peace of mind over minor irritation of changing number. Your choice. I hope you get it done as quickly as possible.

I changed my phone number and moved my mom and sister to a family plan with me!