I haven't had a chance to listen yet. What did he say?
Also what segment is it in?

I'm finally listening now, it's in the last segment. I'm patiently (not) waiting to get to that part. hahaha

Dr Harley's advice was that as long as the affair is over, I am willing to work on the marriage and that all EP's are in place, then I should invite him to live in our home. Then we would continue with transparency, UA and other MB concepts.

I think it is important that I get all requirements done first and then move onto that...

thoughts? I value everyone's advice! Thanks so much

What are your requirements?

Does your WH know them?

Yes, ALL of the EP's must be in place! Of course, there are some that will be "to be continued..." but they should be set up and a plan of action to keep them in play.

Did he say that your H must also be willing to do the work and 100% committed to a recovery plan?

That's what is big in my mind: you need to know that your H is now of a mindset that it's you and him - against the world - fighting for this marriage, above everything else: no more IBs, etc...

Sunny, no I was surprised that he didn't mention what kiss had to do and I was hoping he would. But I do know that kiss is willing to do the work. We need to sit and talk about his EP's and go over the other requirements.
We also plan on sitting down with kids this weekend and having a talk with them (own the consequences and apologize part).
Moving forward......

Can you two drop the MC and call the coaching center?

I posted this on kiss's thread but thought you'd like it also.
EP's by HerPapaBear
Requirements for Recovery From an Affair

Maybe have kiss write the show himself? Dr.H is always wanting the other spouse to contact him.

BH- These are the requirements I have given to kiss


-No Contact letter (done and mailed by me)
-Change cell phone number or block skank's (done)
-Give me access to cell phone account info to see calls and texts made(done)
-Provide me with copies of keys to car and condo (done)
-Allow me to receive residential custody of kids (not done - he is fighting me on that one and if I see action on his part, I will dismiss the petition)

-Own your own choices and the consequences they caused (to me, children and family) Not seeing this yet
-Apologize for the affair and the hurt it has caused (to me, children, family) to me he has but not to anyone else
-Begin Independent counseling (started)
-Participate in marriage counseling
-STD test (done)
Agree to abide by forever (EPs):
-Protect my feelings above all else (yes-he has agreed)
- Not participate in any one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex (yes)
-Not discuss any personal issues with anyone of the opposite sex (yes)
- Agree to POJA for any and all decisions
-Be open and honest to me at all times about past and future (he said yes-but how do i trust him???)
-Make my phone calls your priority by answering them or returning them as soon as possible (yes)
- Trade phones with me at any time, no questions asked (yes, but has yet to do that)
-Leave phone accessible to me at all times (yes, but we don't live together so I do not have access to the phone)
-Commit to at least 15 hours of UA per week (again, we don't live together so this is hard to do)
-If Skank finds a a way to contact you, immediately end contact and notify me
-Anything else that I decide to be a boundary

I will also require a constant show of remorse, humility, honesty, repentance, and constant reassurance. (???)

I would like to call the coaching center for at least one session as the price is a concern, although I know it would be well worth it!

Did he listen to the radio show with your question?

I don't believe so, he might have trouble with it. I know mine downloaded to my itunes and I couldn't fast forward through it.
I'm still learning the other parts of the site so I'm sure HE will have trouble, lol

I finally heard your question on the radio show.

Are you going to let kiss move back like Dr. Harley suggested? Have you confirmed NC with the OW?

Dr. Harley says you need to jump all in with all "four feet"??

LOL - whose four feet was he talking about?? I had someone else say that I need to take a "leap of faith" and then 2 other people told me not to rush it. That I don't need to make that decision right now. So I have to figure out what I feel in my gut.

We have talked about him moving in and talked with the kids last night about it. We are hoping soon but I'm not ready just yet. I don't know, it's hard. I still have that fear in me. I would like him to call the coaching center and e-mail the MB radio, and post here more.

I also have no way of confirming complete NC with OW because I know she can always call him at work if she wanted to. All I can do is hope that he ends the contact and does notify me like it says in the EP's. But thank God, they don't work together any more!

You're correct there, because Dr. H did say that unless you feel completely ready to take that step to not do it.

Only you will know by his actions. I know he isn't doing very well on the posting because he gets asked lots of questions and never answers them.

I did suggest to him to write the radio show and call the coaching center. We'll see.

Good luck and I'm pulling for you two.

Yes, he does miss a lot of questions and is not very comfortable on the computer. I know it's hard for him. But I point out to him all the crazy stuff I did to save our marriage, so I don't think I am asking for much on his end.

Thanks so much for your time you have been taking for us!

Please don't make excuses for him! You'll do yourself a major dis-service.

He's a big boy, and needs to put on his big boy pants!

He isn't missing any questions, he is AVOIDING THEM!

He isn't uncomfortable on the computer, he's uncomfortable having others ask him to be HONEST. He's a great bullchitter until he is dealing with others that can see through his bullchit! Then he wants to make excuses and cut-n-run.

Also you should stay off each other's posts.

RQ,

Spouses should not post on each others threads, it only causes discord at home, and chaos on the forums when this happens.

That being said, my wife read ALL my posts! She needed to see what I was saying. After-all, I was the foggy wayward!

She asked me to give her space on her own thread in order to have a place to VENT! She knew it wouldn't be good for me to see her venting posts.

Keep your eyes wide open girl!

Thanks, I only wrote on his post because he had told me earlier that he was confused by the abbreviations.

Unfortunately, I don't believe he will be posting here any longer. My family is VERY upset about what he posted about them and upset with me for "allowing" it, I guess.

I'm quite upset because I thought this was a great resource for us. I am not happy about what he wrote about my family at all and does not pertain to OUR problems.

How does your family know?

My mother knew about this site because I had referred to it when talking to her about Plan B, etc. early on.

The only reason I can see that she was reading the site was to find out what was going on with my WH and I. I feel badly that she is upset about what was written, but our situation has nothing to do with her or the rest of my family. Now my WH feels that his privacy was invaded and refuses to post anymore.