And it will be much more effective.

If your BW tells you that you posting on MB is important to her, make every effort.

Have you read all of the info on this site? Have you read SAA, HNHN, LB? Do you have any questions on how to help your BW?

How many hours of UA time are you two getting every week? How is RH, POJA, etc going? HAve you filled out the EN questionnaire?

Traditional marriage counseling is flawed, especially when it comes to saving a marriage from adultery. MB is your BEST chance at saving your marriage, it you're willing to do the work.

Can you call the radio show and talk to Dr. H? Your wife had her question answered on the show on Friday. How about you write to Dr. H because he is always looking for the other spouse to give their side? Can you drop the MC and call the coaching center?

Here are some good reads for you.
Requirements for Recovery from An Affair
EP's

Brainhurts,
when you said drop the MC what are you talking about? I dont understand.

Thanks,
KISS

To call the MB coaching center Coaching center

At the very least use this by Dr. Harley How to find a good marriage counselor

What about you, yourself write the radio show? I know your wife's question was on Fridays show.

kiss- abbreviations are here:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1984040#Post1984040

MC- marriage counseling

Scotland,
sorry for my ignorance but I have no idea what all of your abbreviations mean. Can you please give me a little more direction.
We have seen two other counselers before. It wasn't very helpful. The counselore are seeing now I think is very good. She asks questions and gets us to talk. I don't think that the marriage counciling will help totally deal with my affair. I don't disagree with you on that. But I do believe that she helps us talk about it and she is helping us deal with all the issues we had prior and she has helped me see what I need to improve on to make it a lot better.
We have been spending a lot of time together. I would say about 20 hours a week at least. We stay at each others place twice a week. I miss holding her every night. It is tough I have never lived alone before in my life. The past three months have been tough. I hate being away from her.

Thanks,
KISS

Hi Kiss,

I'm encouraged to see you're still posting.

I'm curious, and have a few questions for you.

What kind of marriage do you want?

What kind of a marriage does your wife deserve?

What kind of marriage do you deserve?

herpapabear,

(MY WIFE READS ALL OF MY POSTS SO I FEEL THAT I HAVE TO WATCH WHAT I POST BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO UPSET HER OR MAKE HER MAD. I feel that me posting is more for her then me because I have to watch what I post and have to hold some of my feelings or thoughts back. So i'm not sure how she will feel about some of this.)
I want us to be best friends. I don't believe that marriage should just be something that you need to do or just another step in a persons life process. I want us to want to spend every second together. When we have to leave each other we are filled with anticipation for the next time that we can see each other. We have been talking about each others expectations of marriage.
My parents are best friends they never go anywhere without one another. Every time my mother has to go to the store my father takes her. They have always worked together. I am 35 and never seen my parents fight. People tell me all the time how cute my parents are and how great they are together.
My wife's parents are not like that. I don't think that they do that much together at all. It seems like my father in law does a lot to keep my mother in law from complaining. I don't see the closeness or joy of being together.
I just think that we come from two totally different situations. I don't believe that my wife wants to be like her parents. I just believe that some times she just forgets about what she really expects out of our marriage. I have done a very poor job the last couple of years of trying to get her and my self on track trying to making this the great marriage we both expect and deserve.
I know with all my heart this could be a great marriage one that people are jealous of and people wonder how do we have such a perfect marriage and friendship. We need to be focused and committed to putting 110% into each other and not becoming complacent. My wife is the greatest thing that has happened to me. I love her more then life its self. I want this to be the most amazing marriage ever we both deserve it.

THANKS,
KISS

Your BW needs to not read your posts. She can trust us to say what must be said, but until you're farther along, the two of you should not read each other's posts.

Kiss. Your BW needs to know that you "get it."

Recovery is a long road. Take all the help you can get from MB because we "get it" and the many good people here can point you in the right direction.

We have been there and MB saved our own marriages. We are still here because we want to pass it forward like others did for us.

If she is not reading your posts during early R, but sees you starting to defog and working the steps of R, she'll know you're getting it.

When she sees you are fully accountable for all time and money spent, and are not grudgingly willing but actually GLAD to have every area of your life open and transparent, she'll know you're getting it.

When she sees you making the effort to discover and effectively meet her EN's, she'll know you're getting it.

There are so many things you can do to make amends. You can never make it unhappen, but you can, by your actions, show that an A will never happen again.

Well, um, that was flowery and all, but you still haven't answered my questions. You danced around them!

I appreciate the analysis of your parents and In-laws marriages, but it's irrelevant to your marriage and to my questions.


This part though....

Very telling!

You admit that you're not willing to be honest about your thoughts and feelings.

My wife would have handed me my a$$ for such a statement. I'm betting your wife will be none to happy either.


If you are on the forums for her, then the least you could do is prove it by being honest and transparent.

And for the record, my wife followed my posts very closely to make sure my words were lining up with my actions. And it was a very wise thing for her to do!
Good grief man, what do you think you can say on this forum that is any worse than betraying your wife IRL with another woman?? <shaking my head>

An excellent radio clip from Dr. Harley on what a wayward husband needs to do to follow a path and to help his wife recover from his affair, following EP's and transparency.

Radio clip on what a WH needs to do to help his wife recover from his affair

BrainHurts, I don't know if anybody has thanked you yet for going around posting all these radio clips, but THANK YOU! You are doing just what I always wished I could do.

You're welcome. I sometimes wonder if anyone is listening because there is such little response and the radio show is such an excellent tool to hear from the good Doctor himself.

Kiss,

Your wife say's you don't want to post anymore!

Giving up already?

This was one of your wife's simplest requirements and you're giving up already?

What's up with that?

I've thought the same thing as Markos, BrainHurts - great job! People are listening. Keep up the good work.

Same here. In fact I just listened to part 2 of 4 of one segment and can't find 3 and 4!

Good help you're offering Brain

Thanks MB warriors I appreciate it. TigerWes which segement is it and I can probably find it?

brainhurts,
I can't get the radio clip to play! Am I doing something wrong?

Thanks,
KISS