hello everyone,
i went through all the forums but i could find any story similar to mine!!! i need some advices pllls !!
my husband & i are married for 10 years, we have two children 6 and 2,, i found out two weeks ago that my husband is having an affair with a woman who he meets during his busniss trips and the worst part of it is that she is pregnant; the affair started about 6 monthes ago, ans its still going on.
about 1 year ago my husband lost his parents we went through very difficult time & mental stress, i tried my best to support him, i saw him in his worst condition i was feeling helpless, he became distant we stopped sharing the same room we sleep in two different rooms whenever i ask whats happening to us!! he used to say nothing im only stressed and depressed, i tried to talk to him but it didnt work out, i thought he needed some space i never used to bother or ask about anything he started traveling more often out of the country for busniss i never used to question him i thought the least he needed right now is me not trusting him,, i was supporting him in every decision he takes,, about 3 monthes ago we decided that we should buy a flat in my home country & i should move there with the kids,, my husband will stay back in the place we lived in for all the 10 years of marriage, the time to clear our detes and he will join us back, about two weeks ago i moved here with my kids, i was heart broken for leaving my husband alone,, but we didnt have a choice because of the financial problems, anyway as soon as i came here 2 days later i came to know about the affair through a photo the other women & my husband posted on her profile,, i went mad how much i talk about it i cant describe what i felt,, cheated betrayed, mad, heart broken, everything fell apart i couldnt breath ,, later on i confrented him he came clean he told me the whole story, he met her 6 monthes back in one of his busniss trips he found in her what he was looking for when he was weak during the time when his parents passed away , she fell pregnant, he has feeling for her & he cant leave her, he is guilty for what he did to me & my kids he is guilty cz he cant leave her as she is pregnant & has feeeling for her he cant be unfair to her but he doesnt want to loose us,, so he is asking me to accept her in our life, knowing her has giving him a chance to love me again & bring back what was lost between us,, he tried to end his life many times cz he felt cornered, i dont know what to do, i love my husband & i know he loves me & the kids,, i dont wanna end our marriage, i dont want my kids to grow without a father,, i dont wanna push him for anything im scared he will end his life,,plss i need someone to talk to i need some advices plsss
the lost !!

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

Please take the time to read all the Basic Concepts <~~~ Click this link! .... then click each link to "next concept", when you come to it.

Sorry for your suffering.
You've come to the right place.
Are you in Europe?

Why do you say this?
Is WH mentally unstable?
Has WH threatened suicide?
Has WH previously attempted suicide?

"WH" is wandering husband.

*LINK* to lists of common MB abbrevations and acronyms

thank u for reading my story,
im in north africa

after his parents passed away he became unstable he tried to end his life coouple of times
my handicap is im not with him in the same country now i want to help him so i can help myself

*LINK* to "How to survive infidelity" .

The last of the topics discusses a pregnancy resulting from infidelity.

You should learn and use the tools on MB the same as if there was no pregnancy.
You cannot imagine how much agony you will be in if you allow your WH to make the rules regarding this situation.


Accepting "her", the OW, is a recipe for disaster.
You should never accept OW as part of your life (your family) WHAT-SO-EVER !

Pregnant OWs are very troublesome. Be very very careful NOT to feel sympathy or sorry for her. She will abuse you and your kids as often as you allow her to.
Pregnant OWs assume they automatically deserve some sort of special consideration over you & your children. This is complete bullcrap!
Pregnant OWs think that she and her fetus are a thousand times more important than you and your kids. You have been warned. Pregnant OWs feel entitled to your family's finances at the expense of your children (COM = children of marriage). Pregnant OWs have been known to get pregnant AGAIN if allowed to continue seeing the husband "for the sake of the OC (other child). YES! We've seen it. 2 OC by the same OW, because the affair was allowed to continue "for the sake of the child".

I don't care one whit about your WH's guilt.
He is currently putting OW's feelings (and his) higher on the priority list than your feelings and the welfare of your children/family.

First of all, there should be ZERO family money spent on OW, her pregnancy until AFTER a DNA test has proven this to be WH's child. Guess what? OWs lie too! Once in awhile we've seen this happen, the OW was actually impregnated by someone other than the WH !!!! You must insist that OW is not entitled to any financial support unless there is DNA proof. It does not matter what WH thinks or says, this is something that should be written in cement and enforced by you. You are not being mean or insensitive to OW .... NO! You are being a mama-bear and protective of YOUR COM (children of marriage) and your family.

Do you understand the reasoning behind this? You must be tough and you must insist there be NO CONTACT between OW and your WH.
ZERO contact.
Pregnant or not.
No money and no contact.

Once the child is born, the DNA results determine what happens next.
Child support and visitation can be arranged WITHOUT ANY CONTACT BETWEEN OW AND WH.

If OW and WH continue to see each other, the affair/adultery will continue. They will continue to screw each other and there might be a second pregnancy.

WH is not going to end his life.
He is going to lie and sneak and try to have a second wife/family and convince you that you need to be drug behind him as he drives this train wreck.

Disabuse him of that fantasy.

More to come.....

He is mentally unstable.
This is not normal.

Here is something that I am 100% serious about.
You need to see a family law attorney ASAP.
You need to know your rights.
You need to protect yourself and your COM ASAP.
This is vital to your future and the future of COM.

If available where you live, get some sort of legal separation in place which provides financial SUPPORT for you and your kids.
If you wait until after the OC is born, and OW files for child support, her child's financial needs will supersede your children's needs. You children's needs will be secondary to OC's needs. For the next 20 years or so !!!!

Since there is nothing you can do about this right now, let it go.
You must make your children your priority for awhile.



You can help him by exposing this adultery to everyone.
You can help him by establishing boundaries about what you will & will not tolerate in your life and the lives of your children.
You must be strong & firm with your WH, who thinks he can manipulate you into accepting his having a second wife.

"WH, I am certain that I will not remain married to a man who refuses to chose his wife/family over his other woman."

The above quote was written a long time ago on the Pregnancy/Child forum.
It's still true today.

*LINK* to the pregnancy MB forum

You can continue to post on this forum, while reading that other forum (there is not much action there).

PS

For now, MB is your safe place.
Do NOT tell WH about this forum.

You're in excellent hands with Pepperband.

I just wanted to say welcome and I'm do sorry for your pain.

Here is an excellent link from Dr. Harley talking about OC(other child) situations.
Dr. Harley on OC situation
Also a link to help you with Acronym and Abbreviations

Also some excellent radio clips of Dr. Harley telling what should be done on OC situation. It sounds very similar to yours.
Radio clip on OC situation
Segment 2
Segment 3

Has your WH's affair been exposed? Exposure 101

here are more details of the situation,,

as per what he says that she is helping him financially to clear his debtes & since she is willing to help he doesnt see any harm in taking the money from her to clear his debtes so he can come to me & my children & dump her afterwards...
my fear is the more involve he get with her financially or emotionaly the more committed he is going to be towards her !!

thank u al
l for all the interest ur giving in me i feel already supported

no its not exposed i feel once its exposed its the end of everything !!!

You feel this way because of FEAR.

Once you decide you want to try and save your marriage, you must stop allowing fear to make your decisions.
Fear based decisions will sink your marriage chances.

Exposure is toxic to affairs.
Affairs thrive in secrecy.
Exposure makes the wayward spouse (WS) angry, because they can no longer pretend they are being the good husband/father they pretend they are.

Tell YOUR parents today. That's a good place to begin.
You need their support.
NO EXCUSES.
You don't want to enable the adulterous affair, do you?

Thanx for the links

your words are an eye opener to me im going to tell my parents tonight, im very concerned what`s gonna be their reaction
they wwill be heart broken

He's not exactly a hero, is he?
Once WH is indebted to OW, your life will never be free from her influence.
OW's claws will be permanently affixed to his back.


He's acting the fool.
She's a sly one, she is.

Your WH ought to be fearful of what the future might be if you get fed up and divorce him because he refuses to let OW go .... you re-marry and some other man is in your bed and fathering your children.

Why isn't WH fearful of this outcome?

My H told me this was his biggest fear.
"Some other man would be your husband living in our home & raising our kids."

My H knew with 100% certainty that I would never in a million years tolerate continued contact with OW.
This was not a threat. This was the truth.
I was certain that I would never remain married to an unfaithful man.
That was more than 16 years ago.
We're very happy today and about to celebrate our 31st anniversary in a few weeks.

Enabling and silent suffering will NOT save your marriage.

Once they get over the shock, ask for their support to try & save your marriage.
That's what I did.
After about 3 weeks, my H went to them and apologized.
Eventually, your WH will need to do this.

Exposure to your parents will give you courage and strength. Be certain of that!

Partial exposures are not recommended, I'd do a FULL exposure to everyone the two of you know.

His willingness to use the OW financially shows his character. I wouldn't agree to that in the least! You're going to have a hard time with this one because of his character...he has none.