Call up the YWCA.

You can shower at a KOA...

You can work at Walmart...

Thanks HHH!!

We'll see--if I can sell some bits and pieces, and donate the rest, take a few things with me, and just turn in my keys to the apartment, notify and withdraw from the school (so they can start billing my student loans), I could be out of here on $1,000 by the end of the week after next.

Unless I leave before final exams next week, in which case, I could leave a week sooner.

I may just donate everything so I can leave sooner. It's not like I have anything anyone would want to pay for anyway.

No judge is going to look at all this and say "She's being responsible" At least that's the legal advice I have gotten.

But the MB forum people have good advice though! So, here goes!

Mary ... are you kidding me? The legal systems wants nothing more than to have the parents parent their children ... I think you need to find new friends and lawyers who will steer you in the right direction.

Did you ask if I was kidding you? I was parroting what legal advice I've been given. And I never mentioned "friends". I'm not a lawyer, and that advice was what I've been given by two different ones.

Okay, back to my one-week-moveout-plan.

Your posts are bizarre to me.

I'm not advocating you moving out there to be homeless, living in a parking lot. I AM advocating that you start thinking about how to get there and become a stable force in your daughter's life. This would be my top priority if I were in your sitch.

If you can't get it together in a week, don't do it! Don't go out there and be a big, old mess for your ex husband to worry about. Make a plan. A good plan but most of all, get back to being a mother.

I have compassion for you. I'm a FWW and I also wasn't someone who relished parenting my kids when they were small. Still, I would never have left them. NEVER. And if I were you, I'd never have stayed apart this long.

Don't go out there all haphazard and crazy. Get it together. for your child!!

Are you being serious here? You haven't tried to move sooner and now with finals a week away you're going to drop everything and go?

Why not put a plan together(and a 8 month plan is way too long) and do it the right way? Just stop making excuses of why you can't and work on why you can.
This long over due with a child.

See, this is EXACTLY why I planned to originally move in December, when I had my degree, and all loose ends were "tied".

THAT was and is the plan, and I am sticking to it.

The reason I planned it originally like this is because it is RESPONSIBLE. And, that's what I will be doing.

There is some wonderful advice here, and I will use it, when I can leave RESPONSIBLY. That will be in December.

Mary if you are going to use our advice, then you would be moving before December.

I am sorry you are unable to see your options in front of you. I believe many have given you great advice on the options that will get you to your daughter and possibly (reconcile your marriage) ... I am one that has a great amount of education ... it came at a high price ... my marriage. In the end I would have done it all different.

The priorities of life cannot be mixed without dire consequences. The price your daughter, ex-husband, and yourself will be felt for generations to come. There is a great amount of collateral damage already in place ... how much more before it can be corrected?

There is indeed already a great amount of collateral damage already in place. My thoughts? How much more before it can be corrected? This is why I need to cut and run RESPONSIBLY. Before December is going to make more damage. December is RESPONSIBLE. This gives me enough time to suture things here, plan the course, and leave RESPONSIBLY.

I am taking good advice. If I can, I will see about moving in late July, but I'm going to have to have things in place then. We will see if I can do that.

You seem to have cast yourself as the heroine in some gothic novel. You act as if somehow this was all done to you instead of something you created, all on your own.

Why, if you planned on staying through December did you come on here and cry recently about how your ex thinks you should stay until December? Clearly, you're going to do what you want and while you're doing it, somehow try to convince everyone around you how much this is all out of your control?

I'm sorry but you're getting on my nerves and have been for a while. All this moaning and groaning about the pain YOU CREATED FOR YOURSELF.

And by the way...does Mary M. stand for Mary Magdalene? because I've felt for a while now that you love to aggrandize your situation to us but even worse, to yourself.

You're either going to make your child a priority or not. No need to get all homeless-in-the-walmart-parking-lot crazy. No more martyr. if you could see yourself clearly, you'd be HORRIFIED.

Hi zibbles. My xH was talking recently about me staying here for another two years, he didn't say anything about staying till December (he assumes that's basic stuff--me finishing what I start).

Believe me--and I've said this time and again--this is indeed all my fault. Um, I don't think I've ever said it wasn't. Nope, never said it wasn't. I've always knew this is my own fault, and admitted to that. And that is exactly why I am hesitant to cause more damage my dropping everything to leave right now, before my time's up in December, because I want to be responsible and do things the right way for a change.

I'll tell you what broke your heart the other night on the phone with your ex. You were hoping he'd invite you to come live with his family, pay all your expenses while you play with your child a couple hours a day and they continue to feed, clothe and care for her (and you!).

REALLY?

You're still a foggy, entitled wayward who thinks the sun and moon sets on you. You're not Mary Magdalene by the way and you're not a heroine. You aren't even fighting the right fight because you can't get out of YOU long enough to see anyone else's needs.

Please.
Just create a life that includes as much of your child as possible.
Live near her.
Ask for visitation galore.
Then, focus on visitation and loving your child and creating a relationship with her.
Show her that irregardless of your relationship with her father and your absence from her life early on.....you adore her. Your world revolves around her.

Put your relationship with her father to the side as you focus on bonding with her. Do not focus on him nor winning him over. That might come if you do the other but if it doesn't, it doesn't.

Be a mother.

This is your most important role in your life.

Reading, a lot of my focus has been, up to now (tonight), getting or winning him over. Started that when we split, and it's been damaging, and it stops tonight. I'm not going to try to win him over anymore/focus on that, and instead focus on my baby. I still believe that the best thing for her and me is that I race to that finish line in December, and build a structure and plan for when I leave asap. I think that is prudent and responsible, and it's gotta be done. For her, yes. No more messes made. I'm done making messes, so this has got to be done right. And it will be.

I agree: reconciliation might come, but it might not. So far it's been "If I can get him to want me back, all three of us can be a family again"--but I can't think like that anymore. I will put my relationship with her father to the side as I focus on bonding with her--getting there as much as possible (I have been doing that for a couple of years now),a dnmost importantly securing a place to live so I can be even more present in her life, much much much more frequently.

zibbles.....well, I can say that I am no longer a Wayward, and am trying to keep on being morally clean (not only physically, but also in my mind and heart)
I accidently put my name on the signature portion--did 't know my username would show up on the bottom of each entry--it's not a Biblical reference or anything.
also, I'm not sure where this came from:

"I'll tell you what broke your heart the other night on the phone with your ex. You were hoping he'd invite you to come live with his family, pay all your expenses while you play with your child a couple hours a day and they continue to feed, clothe and care for her (and you!)"

I wouldn't want to be a leech like that--I am planning on contributing as much as I can when I establish myself there (which will definitely be asap). Also, you're definitely right--I'm not a heroine; I'm just trying to live differently than I used to, and keep doing the right thing.

I appreciate the advice, and I'm taking it. I have been praying to God real hard about this. Staying till December is a wise decision. Moving in late July is also on the table. Meanwhile, I am keeping a notebook of things (resources) available to me upon graduation/moving. There is some planning to be done before I leave.

So tell me what you're doing to work on your relationship with your DD?

Do you have HNHN for parents?

oo, yes! HNHN for Parents--also saw that online, and was one of the ones I want. I am buying one at a time though, and HNHN is next on my list. I was happy to see there was a HNHN for Parents, and it's on my List.

What I am doing to work on my relationship with my daughter is keeping in contact throughout the week, sending her things in the mail (things I make for her to play with--she knows Mommy makes them), and when I'm there, teaching her as much as I can, and just being with her. Making sure to give her as much tender physical shows of affection (hugs/cuddles) that she misses out on.

Tonight, I've been reading the Bible and finding, again, Words of wisdom--I forgot there for a bit where the best advice is.

I think I'm gonna dig a little deeper here, and see what God has to say about things--about me, about how I need to act in my specific circumstances, about my family, my in-laws, my relationships with them.

I know things will be better. They are already starting to get better! Things between my xH and I are getting better, and I know I am forgiven, and when I know that, I LIVE like a forgiven person, with the past BEHIND me, and that FREES me up to do the rights things...

Optimism, I haven't seen you on here for quite some time, and I want to thank you for your advice. It's been hugely encouraging, and has shoved me forward, and encouraged me. I am going to better myself, and I know it will benefit my daughter. I can't wait to see her--mere months before the Big Move! I ahve a lot to plan, to do, to set up.

I promise to get back on here when things settle a bit. There's a lot going on right now, plus the preparation.

Hebrews 8:12, and I'll continue to live honorably. That's the new me.