A little update on the LongWays:

We will soon become Lone Star residents, moving from our beautiful island home to the states again. We have loved living here; it has been a healing place for us, allowing us to live a very integrated life with lots and lots of UA time together, no commute and no family distractions.

The terrific thing about this upcoming move? FWH was requested to interview for this position and he said he needed a day to consider. He came home and we enacted the POJA, brainstormed, I mean, we really followed the MB rules on this.

My biggest concern was that since we will soon be living in the real, and much bigger, world, what would we need to consider to ensure our MB marriage continues just as strong?

So we have discussed the EPs and done a lot of advance planning on how to handle various situations.

Otherwise, all is going well. Thank God no more roller coaster. It has finally smoothed out.

Thank you to all you terrific MB'ers!

LongWay,
I have been following your story the past two years with great interest as my story has parallels ... I am finally doing better too, but it's been a long hard ride. I wish you well as you return to Texas and the next stage of your life.

Thank God, we have finally reached, and passed,the 2-year antiversary of D-Day and NC day. It has been a long and emotional roller coaster ride, but we have survived FWH's affair and have a marriage that is leaps and bounds better than before because of Marriage Builders. Extraordinary Precautions are a byword in our household now. We negotiate freely and spontaneously. We love the POJA.

H has been working relentlessly on meeting my ENs and avoiding LBs. Not perfect, but pretty darn good. I've been doing the same. He says that meeting my ENs isn't work at all; he loves doing it because he's in love.

Just like the Harley's say! "Meeting your spouse's needs is effortless when you are in love." I mean....WOW! It's true.

We are "in love" with each other in a way that has been unreachable for many many years. Now we can't imagine being apart. The only way we can understand how we chose deployment/separation as an option in a bad career situation was because we lived parallel lives and were not in love. In comparison to these days, I know I was not in love with H for many years. I loved him, sure, but it was a caring love, the kind of love you "do" because you promised to and to be faithful and all of that, but I avoided frequent SF with him, because his weight was always a problem for me. so maybe once a week. He was rarely affectionate or conversational and played computer games, so no RC. Hardly any UA time. Of course we weren't in love.

One of the tragic ironies of the timing of the affair was how it coincided with menopause. I had not had any real issues other than the minor inconvenience and discomfort of occasional "warm flashes." I never had the hot ones. Now they're gone. No other symptoms of menopause. I had determined years ago when I overcame the PMS "b*itchiness" (through behaving nicely and avoiding extra stress) that I would never be that way in menopause.

I have kept myself in shape and am healthy and active and have maintained a normal weight for my entire adult life. I didn't expect any problems with menopause.

The one thing that began to happen but I didn't realize it was that I had been losing testosterone. Just after D-Day, I turned 52 and for reasons unknown to me, I began having some trouble with my libido and with full sexual enjoyment. It didn't slow us down at all, because despite my difficulties, I was very happy meeting that need for H.

Having an O began to be a lot of work. I thought it was odd, because I'd never had that difficulty. When I had trouble "going over the top," I felt terribly anguished and inadequate, figuring that the sex during the A was terrific and thrilling and heated and the OW had Os all the time, and here I was having "foamers" constantly, for the first time in my life. At those times, sex for me in my mind was just tortuous. There were times I would weep over it, right there in the middle of it. Mental torture. H tried his best to comfort and reassure me but it didn't help much.

Finally when we moved back to the States this year, I read an article about the role of testosterone in men and wondered if it had any role in women. Turns out that it does indeed play a key role in sexual functioning, among other factors.

So bottom line is that I went to a doctor and after some tests and labwork was placed almost a month ago on testosterone therapy that involves a compound of testosterone in a gel. It takes some weeks for enough free testosterone to build up in the system but there do seem to finally be some sparks of life.

Every single morning, H holds me and while still in a sleepy daze always murmurs to me "I'm in love with you." It took me a long long while, but I finally started responding to him with "I'm in love with you, too."

Oh, thank God...

...and thank you Marriage Builders.

Thank you LWFH for sharing.

It's so nice to read wonderful updates. Also thank you for all your help around here.

indeed... thank you for the awesome update. It is great to hear you are back "in-love!"

So, the way our lives work here, is that every single Saturday morning, we have scheduled into our day a long and pleasant "lie-in." Only once or twice has anything ever interfered with it, and it always felt like a huge sacrifice when we had to give it up. It always includes an extra bit of coffee, enjoyed in bed, some chit chat and cuddling, and SF. I then make a brunch, usually frittatas, around 11AM.

This morning, our chit chat was stumbling along. I would pose out a topic, maybe a few questions, but H would answer briefly. And then stop. So I'd start out on another tack. He's answer briefly. Then stop. Sigh.

So I teased him,"You know, according the MB principles, we'd have to have a date of three hours before SF. And the conversation would have to be intimate."

A pause.

"You know," I continued, "We want to talk about things like hopes and dreams - that sort of thing. DEEP stuff."

Another, longer, pause.

H grinned at me. "Well, I'm hoping we get to make love. I'm dreaming about it!"

Even though he didn't exactly comply with my, uh, request for IC at the time, I still find that man irresistible.

Love it! Congrats to you both LWFH, what an amazing journey!

Aha!


But, remember... good conversation in the arena of opinion will open the door to those "deep" conversations.

One moment, you are waxing poetic about The Walking Dead on AMC and thoughts on the Zombie apocalypse, next thing you are talking about your dream zombie-proof love-fortress!

Love the way you write, my friend.

Thanks, as always, for sharing.

Slight thread jack but, I'm already building in my head my zombie apocalypse fortress. Kiss thinks I'm nuts

Love the Walking Dead!

I just got NGB started, she's a season behind.

We were watching Sons of Anarchy but she left me in the dust.

Having some mutually enjoyed shows drives a lot of conversation - as well as establishing mutual interests.

Good stuff.

So....yesterday morning at our Bible study class, in the moments before it started, an elderly lady came up behind my chair and leaned down to me. We had never spoken before (large class.)

She said, "I wonder if you would allow me to say something personal to you."

I replied, "Um, sure...go ahead." I wondered what in the world she could be about to tell me. Wearing jeans too often to Bible study? Was she going to ask me to help with serving snacks?

She said, "I just LOVE to see the way you and your husband interact with each other. You can see the love you have for each other. And...it's just wonderful."

Tears immediately sprang to my eyes. I stood up and hugged and told her it hadn't always been that way and thanked her for telling me.

When I sat down, my H asked me what she had said. I couldn't even answer for a few moments. When I did, then he had tears in his eyes, too.

Just feeling....blessed and happy.

Congrats!!!

Deservedly so! I am so pleased to read this, LongWay!

Thank you! We, neither of us, don't take our recovery for granted. It really does both people doing all the steps to make it work. It was a painful, difficult, and long process.

I don't think we've ever really been in love before this, now that I look back. We never had what we have now.

What an inspiration, thank you to both you and your H for "blazing the trail" for those of us that go after you.

P.S. and you are still such an eloquent writer

This is so nice!!!! What an observant person!

During our church service, there is always a time for "peace be with you". H always gives me a great big kiss at this time, tripping over the other people in the choir. Other choir members, especially the widows, often comment about it.

Thanks for sharing, my friend.

You and your DH are true MB warriors and it shows.