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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 25
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Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 25 |
Couldn't believe my eyes as I read the reply to a question about an emotional affair by a so called "Relationship Expert". Does this guy have rocks in his head or what? I wonder how many people believe that crap. Copy and paste of article below.
(Q) I've been married for 18 years and have two teenage children. Six years ago my wife started studying. Last year she told me she had fallen in love with a lecturer in 2003 and has been having an "emotional affair" with him ever since. She wants a physical sexual relationship with him but limits it to thinking of him when we are having sex. She also thinks of other men and women when we are having sex but says she wouldn't act on those feelings in reality. I feel hurt and cheated, yet she believes it is not wrong as she would never act on her feelings.
(A) All of us would like to believe that after 18 years of marriage the one and only person we would concentrate on during sex is the man or woman we married all those years ago.
In many cases, this does happen. But in today's world we are exposed to many different types, shapes, forms and builds, which can stimulate a sense of curiosity. There are those who actively pursue others through clandestine dating, sex clubs and prostitution. Some do it though pornography or explicit magazines or videos. The most benign form of exploration is the one your wife is doing, which is using people in her environment as visual images and sexual enhancements for the sex that she shares exclusively with you.
Sexual appetites are as diverse as epicurean appetites. After 18 years of wagyu beef one might just fantasise about a hot pastrami on rye. After many years of marriage it is almost impossible that two people who have only had sex with each would never wonder what it would be like to be with someone else.
The trouble is that often the other partner feels they are being replaced. The mistake your wife made was to tell you about her fantasies. You need to depersonalise the whole issue. As long as your sex life works, you should be happy that no matter how rampant your wife's fantasy life is, it is you she uses to "try out" George Clooney - or her lecturer!
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 453
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Member
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 453 |
Uggh, yeah, that's really distasteful. I can't even imagine...I've never been one to fantasize about others during sex, and if I found out my partner was, I would feel very sad/betrayed...
It's interesting how the person's feelings are so easily dismissed...he is told just to change his feelings, as if that is possible!!
Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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