Radio clip by Dr. H saying what a WH should do if he's serious about recovery

Try again. Are you hitting the play button? Do you have speakers and volume on? Maybe plug in headphones?

For me, it not only plays, but it keeps looping till I turn it off.

Also watch this video by Dr. Harley.

Video:Infidelity:What Every Couple Needs to Know

Brainhurts,
I still can't get the clip to play but I have seen Dr. Harleys video. My wife and I watched it together about a month ago.

Thanks,
KISS

My wife isn't happy with me right now. She says that I have made comments that didn't make her happy. When I ask her what they were she doesn't really know what it was or what I said. Its so frustrating. Things seem to be going well as we have been spending a lot of time together and we have been getting a long great. We do have are moments but we are able to talk about them and continue to keep moving on. She is having a lot of doubt now and all of the sudden since yesterday afternoon she is making herself very distant from me. I have tried to give her space and not be on top of her then she says that im blowing her off.I feel like [censored] and im frustrated please help me!!! I need my wife more then anything. I can't lose her.

Please help,
KISS

You need to go to her and let her know you will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to help heal her.

Let her tell you what she needs ... write down all her words ... then begin action immediately.

When and only when you are willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to clean up the self inflicted cesspool you created can your marriage recover.

Get to work ... start making her list ASAP.

Have you called the coaching center yet? Is this not something that she said she needs from you?

Kiss, Have you read SAA? Have you learned from it?
Have you done any of these suggestions? I know your wife would want any of not all of these?

Even if you do everything right...... And that's a big if!

Your wife is going to be on a roller coaster ride.

It takes a great deal of work on your part, combined with patience and spending time together meeting each others EN's.

Distance is never the answer! Distance, space, whatever you want to call it, is a cop out and no more than an escape plan on your part. So eliminate that as a tool in your marital recovery, OK!

What books of Dr. Harley's do you have?

What books of Dr. Harley's have you read?

KISS, Here's the thing that's jumping out at me. The "need" rather than the love and desire to spend the rest of your life making things right, no matter what you get in return.

Your approach to recovery is very me-me-me oriented and not much about what is in it for her to take you back.

Where is your heart right now? trying to get back to the status quo?

That world is gone. Blown up. Obliterated by your repeated refusal to do anything about expelling the OW from your life and making things right before your wife had to take things to separation.

Now you want to get that world back. It's gone. I'm so sad for you. You can't get it back. It will never be back.

Acceptance is the answer to all your problems today. Accept that there is nothing in it for HER to take you back as you are right now, focused on KISS, KISS, KISS and not about her, her, her.

When you have reached that point of surrender, and acceptance of the damage you have done - the recognition that as a man, you have blown it with this woman you claim to need so badly. You have already lost her. Beyond recovery, if you retain any self-centeredness at all.

What can you do?

Surrender your pride. Surrender your expectations of her taking you back before you have proven that you are a changed man.

Tell us about those changes. Tell us what you are going to do differently tomorrow to fill her love bank without expectation of making any more withdrawals from that account.

Everything you have done, including breaking her Plan B request to work through an intermediary reeks of your disrespect that she has needs, and that you have bankrupted your lovebank with her.

So how will you change that? How will you change your character? Who will you be accountable to? HerPapaBear is one of the very best recovered waywards I know of who can guide you through that mine-field. And believe me, when he started posting here, I took exactly the same tactic with him as I have with you in this post. I didn't believe he was changed. He proved me wrong, not with defiance or belligerence or selfishness about how much he deserved another chance. He was changed.

Your responses to those who have cared enough to take the time to help you have not given me much hope yet that you "get it".

Your post that I quoted is just one example of why I'm concerned that you won't get it.

HerPapaBear,
I'm not trying to stay away from her. I try to be with her every moment I can. I just don't try to hold and kiss her because I can tell she is not interested. I expect her to be up and down emotionally. I feel that I have done a very good job of being compasionite and helping her through the emotionally rough times.

What are her top emotional needs?

to feel secure. She needs suppport and understanding. She needs to know that im doing what ever it takes for this to never happen again and for us to make this the great marraige that we both want and deserve.

My heart is in this 100 percent what ever it takes. I love my wife more then life its self. I will do anything she needs. I do not want our marriage to go back to the way it was. I want us to have the best marriage ever. I want us to be best friends.
I am very sorry for what I have done. I am ashamed by what I have done and all the pain that I have caused. I am constantly trying to make her feel secure and answer all of her questions when she has them.
I have changed. I have surrendered my self to my wife. I am commited to our wedding vows and willing to do what ever it takes.I'm willing to fight for my marriage and put 110 percent into everyday, every moment. My wife and kids come first not my career. I would change my job if my wife wanted me to. If she thought all the hours and weekends are to much. I would do anything.
I want her to call me out when im wrong or when she has even the smallest issue with anything I say or do.

THANKS,
KISS

Ok KISS,

We know what you want, but what ACTIONS have you done?

Call the coaching center?
Write the radio show?
Have you read SAA? What have you learned from it?

Please answer these questions.

Kiss,

Do you know what EN's are?

Do you know what Dr. Harley's love bank concept is?

Have you read any of Dr. Harley's books yet?

Quoted for emphasis

Some more wonderful radio clips with a BW and WH on what he has done to recover thier M. It talks about complete transparency, and precautions. He was a serial cheater.

Radio clip with a BW and her WH on steps to recovery
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4