Scotland,

It is just so frustrating right now because this is not something we need now. She will not let go and stay out of it. She makes it personal. It's like her vs. me. We are trying to concentrate on us!!! We took our four kids to the Mets game the other day and on the way she is getting hammered by her sister in law and mother. My wife is suffering. I think the only way that I believe she will stop is if we seperate. I don't think she cares if her daughter is happy!!! as long as my mother in law gets what she wants.

nothing like added pressures and stress!!

Thanks,
KISS

100% the OPPOSITE of what I recommended you do.


100% the OPPOSITE what I recommended you do.



I recommend you control yourself and remove yourself from toxic situations/people as soon as possible.

BTW .... Your attack of me is another example of how your defensive communication style gets in your way of finding more advantageous solutions. Please, consider looking at how you respond quickly and in anger when you might not have to.

You'll live longer and better once you learn how to blow out your own fuse.

PS .... I come in peace !

Kiss, I hope that you are able to do as Pepperband suggests and remove yourself from these types of situations, effectively. It will help YOUR MARRIAGE, greatly.

Focusing on what your MIL and SIL are doing is NOT helping your marriage.

What are you doing today to make your wife feel safe with you? I am very pleased to see that you are going to be coaching with SH. What else can you do this weekend? How can you meet your BW's ENs this weekend? What can you do for HER?

Wait to go. Good job. Keep us posted. Ok?

If you really want to help your marriage and are doing this blog in hopes of recovery, I suggest you start telling the truth. It wasn't your house, it was the house your wife rented to get away from you (but you followed and banged on doors and windows until the cops had to be called the first time). This also happened after already being told by the cops days prior when you made a scene, to stay away. This all occured when your wife tried to implement Plan B and gave you specific instructions to go through a 2nd party to arrange the kid's visitation and to stay away from her/not speak to her. You didn't do this. You refused to do this. The kids were crying and screaming because you were screaming and banging on windows and doors demanding to be seen/heard. Please stop making yourself look like the victim. Her mother has done nothing but support her both emotionally and financially and you and your web of lies isn't helping. You brought this on yourself. YOU caused this. Stop placing blame off on to others.

This is a throwaway account so I apologize in advance, but I can't go on reading all this nonsense you keep writing. You didn't care about your relationship until you suddenly had no place to live. Then all of a sudden you're a changed man? I don't think so.

You need help. Serious help. Like I said, if you're trying to get help here, you better start being honest with the people that are actually trying to help you, for the sake of you and your marriage...

Hmmm. Sounds like someone from the family perhaps? MIL has been reading his posts and that is the premise of RQ's call to Dr. Harley about her family wanting an apology from kiss.

You know what Dr. Harley said?

RQ's family needs to back off for now and stay out of it and let them work on the marrige.

Here are the clips.
Radio clip of RQ
Radio clip 2nd segment

Sounds like sublimation believes Kiss is just a pig that found some lipstick...

I was once a pig with lipstick myself.... During our false recovery!

When our REAL recovery began, I made amends to my MIL & FIL as well as all of our extended family & friends. I confessed the truth to everyone and owned my adultery, as well as owning all the pain I caused my wife, children & others. I No longer made anyone out to be the bad guy except myself.

I acknowledged the pain I created was all of my own doing!

I purposed to make no excuses!

I asked for forgiveness and accepted my consequences when it wasn't extended. No one owed me forgiveness after all I had done to their mommy, their daughter, their sister, their friend.

I figured out that all the anger toward me from her family was well deserved and it was of my own making..... I had to put on my big boy pants and man up! Knowing real recovery for all that were injured would take time.

So Kiss are you going to man up or be the wedge between your wife and her family? Are you going to pretend to be a victim of your own adulterous choices?

When you are so broken by all you said & did while you were wayward, we will be able to say your fog has lifted.

Kiss,

I still thank my In-Laws, and extended family and friends, for being my wife's life support system, while I was putting one knife after another in her back during my A....

Without them, she may not have survived the extent of damage I created.

Have you considered thanking all of the people that did the same for your own wife?

2 Very good posts by one of the best FWH's who continue to post on this board. Thank you HPB for all you do to help guide WS's to the path to becoming FWSs.

pepperband,

This is a family member that has obviously a bad memory. It was my house and they are obviously confused.

Its sad that they can't help but keep getting involved in my marriage and respect my wives wishes.

THANKS,
KISS

I'm so excited about today. It's my wife's Birthday and we have our call with the coaching center at 10:30. Today we aer going to spend the day together. Then tonight we are going out to dinner with the kids.

THANKS,
KISS

I'm pulling for you and RQ. Make this day all about her.

I always shudder when I see a WH post this......

Look closely at what you're saying.

Did you respect your wife?

Are you "respecting your wife's wishes" about extending an apology to these family members?

WS's that harbor grudges, resentments, etc..... are destined to remain foggy, for they refuse to see their part in creating all the pain. They still cling to the idea that if everyone would just stay out of their way and play the roles they are assigned, then all will be OK. They just don't see how many toes they step on throughout the day.

This was certainly true for me. Without my family, I would have at the very least ended up in the hospital, and very likely would not have R'd my M, either.

They were very protective of me, and justifiably so. It's amazing how things changed for the better once they saw AJ begin carrying out the actions of repentance.

There is just no end to the ridiculous lies you tell these people, is there? You wife is suffering because of the crap YOU did to her and you are not helping your recovery by continually making up this ridiculous nonsense and posting it on a public forum. This is why the family wants nothing to do with you and this is what is hurting her. Just stick to the problems between the two of you and stop trying to blame everyone else. Your wife has been twisting you arm for two months for that apology you are making every excuse not to make. Who would want it now? You're pathetic.

Pantsonfire, welcome! What is your story?

I am sad to see you name-calling. The poster on this thread is foggy, and has yet to show himself to be serious about recovery, but I don't think that attacking him and applying inflammatory adjectives will help him on the road to enlightenment.

I look forward to getting to know you better. Please feel free to start your own thread, if there's something we can assist you with.

Maybe another family member of RQs like the other poster who was upset also?

Neak- OK then, he is pathetically foggy. But don't tell him. He will say you are interferring.

Pants, it's helpful to you to introduce yourself by starting your own thead. Would you care to do this?