I have been following this site for a while and have printed off a lot of stuff and studied it. This is my first time posting I dont know if I'm even in the right spot:

This concerns my 3 step children ages 5, 7 & 9 that I love dearly, as of right now their mother has placed a restraining order on me against one of the three children; DCF is now involved as well.

theese children go threw so much turmoil by their mother brain washing them and coaching them to say and do things so the middle child is saying i punched him in the face when i was getting ready for wokr and their father was getting them ready for school.

let me say theese kids are OUR eveything We have already been threw this in December and overcame it because the oldest told her mother i wont do this anymore.

Well now its been 2 weeks since this supposedly happened and 2 weeks since their mom has kept them from my husband; their father.

2 weeks of them being told im an awful mean person that has stolen their daddy from them. in which they have told DCF they are scared of me-yet look at pictures and notes they write me and you can see different, when they are at our house you can see different

I'm at a wits end of what to do right now, my husband has an attorney for the custody battle , I have an attorney to fight this injuntcuon and alligations.

BUT its still a lot of stress and hurt. Im tired of the kids being put in the middle of this and them being torn different directions.

The mothers whole point of this is so she can try and make my husband and i cant be togther due to the court and DCF saying so or to try to make the children tell him they dont want me no more.

has any one been threw this where a parent uses the kids in selfish ways to try and get back with their ex, what do we do?

How did you meet your husband, and what was his marital status at the time?

I met him threw mutual freinds and he was divorced when I met him.

A few months later after we met I met his children and ex wife when she droppend them off at his house house, few months later he asked his kids if we could date they where so happy and said yes

she said around the same time she didnt like being around her kids but he needed help watching the kids while he worked late on his days and i offered to pick them up from school on his days because he wouldnt be home in time.
She said great becasue she could go with her boyfriend and wouldnt have to get the children!

about 3 months after that they broke up around the same time we moved in together- It has been a night mare since then of her trying to get back with him and split us up using the children as a pawn.

She has even been to jail for punching him in the face in front of the children in November 2010 because she told him " I dont want her around my children" My husband said "well Shes my girlfreind you didnt mind when you had a boyfreind to occupy your time and she was picking them up for me" She said you either loose her or you will never see your kids" He simply replied " Our children like her shes not going anywhere and neither are my kids whe have a custody aggreement" Then she punched him in the face in front of the children!

DCF and the courts are aware of that incident but because the 7 year old said i punched him i cant be around him unitl the next court date. The 7 year old has ADHD and also does not get his medication on his fatheres morning until he gets to school 45 mins away, so for 2 hours in the morning he is hitting kicking and trying to open the car door while im driving-- The medication is with held from the father becasue she knows he cant control him self and she want me to leave, from not being able to take it.

The 2 other kids said it didnt happen, and I have never hurt them.

Are you married?

yes we are as of 2 months ago,
We have been together a total of 2 1/2 years.

Okay. I have not been in this situation and I can't think of anyone on the board who has, however there are a lot of people who use intermediaries for child exchanges so that they never see or speak to their ex. All information is passed through a third party. I would suggest that you let your lawyers handle the court and custody issues, while you and your husband set up an intermediary so that in the future, there is no contact directly with his ex.

Why did they divorce?

Thank you, We are trying to let it go threw the attorneys but when she has the kids and keeps feeding them awful stuff about me its very hard to just sit back when i love the kids so much. i know its not their fault they are being forced to but it hurts they are in this situation.

There was a third party; her parents for an entire year up until 2 weeks ago and now she is calling him daily saying the only way he can see the kids is if she staysthe night at our house with me gone, because she fears the kids safety or he pick them up and take them to dinner. And he refuses to do both. although she asks daily.

dinner may seem like it would be okay but he doesnt trust her to be around her with no other adults. When he asks for his mom to come along she says no i only want it to be our family.

He has asked for them to continue the third party they said no, he asked for it to go threw emails She said no and ignores the emails and contnues to call but not let him see his kids.

Its just sad because I feel if I wasnt here the children wouldnt be put threw this.

They divorced for multiple reasons, Such as
She had an affair after the first child was born, They never recoverd together, never exposed kept it hidden, never got conseling and overcame it, so he turned to alcohol and never trusted her, She turned from him to others. It was always arguing and screaming between them
and she wanted the divorce.
He stopped drinking did everything to try and get her back she had a boyfreind after 2 weeks of him leaving the house.

And She wanted no part of reconicilliation until we moved in together.

I would also put a VAR on yourself and your H. If his XW is claiming false allegations, protect yourselves.

Also LIKE CWMI suggested use an IM. I would also do drops off at a police station.

Read these IM training school

I would strongly stress for your H to do parallel parenting.
Read here Parallel Parenting

She will not do an IM, hes trying to get one to be used threw the attorneys.

And i like the Parallel Parenting. I think it will make a huge differneve for the children. I will print it out and give it to my H allthough i hiighly doubt his XW will follow threw or even agrree to it!


But thank you very much it seems like a GREAT PLAN!!!

We shall see!

Welcome to MB .. sorry you are here. You need a NEW IM.. or at least re-establish the old one.

The reason she wants reconsiliation now is because her other plans have failed .. Since misery loves company .. she wants to make her EX (your hubbby) miserable with her.

Read these too ..

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008_qa.html - Blended familys 1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008b_qa.html- Blended familys 2

Get some of Dr.Harleys books ...I would get several. HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS FOR PARENTS, HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS, LOVE BUSTERS, FALL IN LOVE STAY IN LOVE. Some of the info overlaps ... but each book has a great amount of info for you to devour and put to use. More so than the stuff on the site.

MNG

Here are some excellent radio clips on blended families.
Radio clip on blended families
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

I'll find some more, but in one of the families the XW would use the kids against the H.

Here are some more on blended families.
Radio clip on blended families
Segment #2
Segment #3

Thank You, Im listening to them now!

Today is his Daughter's 9th Birthday!
and He still cant see them

Yes divorce is the most painful on the kids. Can he at least skype with her, talk on the phone?

Write her a letter so she can read it when he does see her and his DD9 will know he wanted to see her.

You are documenting everything, correct?

Tes I am documenting it all, He was able to call her and tell her Happy Birthday, But his ExWife said the only way he can see the children and have them his 50% of the time is if I move out of our house,and he told her thats not happening, Shes in contempt of court by the past almost 3 weeks of keeping his children from him so we are waiting for his attorney to file contempt on her!

What? 3 weeks? That's ridiculous. I would retain another lawyer who will fight for him and his kids.

Its not that our lawyer is not doing his job His Ex wife has thrown so many lops in Such as the last being this Injunction against me for all of these alligations, That she is saying kids cnat be around him because he puts them in endanger by letting them around me!

Its all a ridicolous game shes playing trying to get back with him!

Dang poor kids.

Maybe he should have visits at somewhere else, so he can at least see the kids? A neutral place?

It is sad the children are being brainwashed so badly now they are scared of me because of all shes saying.

She wont let him see the kids with out her there and he said ok but I'll have my mom there and she wont do it if his mom is there because she wants to be alone with him and use kids as a pawn to seperate us and get them back togther. And he knows this and thats why he wont meet her with kids without someone there. And also for the reason of a witness because everything WE DO she turns around into something COMPLETELY DIFFERNT!!!!

I just wish she owuld see the pain and scars she doing to her children but shes so self centered she wont see it!!

Good that he has a witness, very smart.

She may never see the damage she's done. Can you get the kids into see a psychologist?