This is kind of creepy Arnold. I think ML has the right idea about confronting this guy and running him out of town like now.

HeyA !

You need to DOCUMENT everything.

*** LINK *** to DOCUMENT discussion

Read the linked thread and keep your diary away from her eyes.

This is crucial for BHs who have small kids, and a WW talking about leaving.
You need to document everything in factual words, not emotional reactions.
Use quotations whenever possible.

Right, tried to call OM got diverted message.

She's back and seems ok but only chatting to the kids. I'm cool with it. We still sleep in the same bed but she clings rigght to the edge and tells me not to touch her. During the night she sometimes forgets and we end up very close and grinding myself into her,confused or what.....

This looks like an attempt to have an exit affair.

I�m not quite as quick to jump on the OM in this situation because I went through something similar. My WXW advertised herself as single when she wasn�t and she flirted with men online. She told them she was divorcing when she wasn�t.

I got the numbers of all the guys and called them. I made sure to not be accusatory and gave most of them the benefit of the doubt that they didn�t know she was married. Most were shocked when I told them this was her H. All of them talked. Some felt really deceived and ticked off. A few ran off and never spoke to her again. Some remained in contact, but that was my own fault for not telling them to stop talking to her. They supposedly weren�t interested in a relationship with her.

My approach worked with one man who she got physical with and he told me everything.

Once I had my evidence, I confronted her with names. She had no way of denying anything because I knew names, places, and dates.

This OM likely doesn�t know she�s married.

Call him, tell him who you are, and tell him you have 2 kids and are not going to take this laying down. Make it clear that he needs to stop talking to your WW and that you will make his life a living he77 if he doesn�t. Don�t threaten physical harm, but let him know that you�ll throw lawyers at him if necessary. Get any confession of meetings or dates out of him before you tell him what will happen if he continues contact.

Then you need to expose the affair.

Finally, any talk on her part of divorce needs to be met with a reality check for her. Let her know that if she insists on divorce that you will go for sole physical and legal custody of the kids and that you won�t make it pleasant or easy. Make it clear that you will fight tooth and nail for every single fork in the house.

Then, present the alternative. Tell her that you�d rather discuss how you will fix and save your marriage.

Don�t worry about the revisionist history regarding your marriage. It is a common tactic by most waywards to rewrite the history of the marriage. You were the most insensitive and uncaring man that has ever walked the earth and you treated her horribly. You�re also the cause of the national housing collapse and the tsunami in Japan.

Ignore it all. It is very common. Focus on being the best dad you can be and treat your wife�s crazyness as just that. Show friendliness and affection when you can and when she deserves it. Show coolness and disinterest when she�s being an idiot. That means that all rants and re-writes on her part should be met with questions such as �What would you like for dinner?� or �Do you know anyone who likes Snapple?� or �Do you want to go see the Weird Al Concert later this month?�

Just don�t engage in the lunacy.

But you can�t save your marriage without killing the affair. The affair must be killed through exposure, which is the most effective affair killer ever devised.

Arnold

Your getting the best help on here from very experienced vets

The only thing I would like to add is

Please ignore any hurtful comments regarding your marriage from your WW.

When people go wayward and are having affairs they tend to re write the history of the marriage saying things like " I never loved you", "our marriage has been dead for years" etc is absolutely typical, we hear Waywards spout out such nonsense on a daily basis so don't get dishartened by it and just ignore it because you know better.

Stick to your plan.

I just wanted to add these articles from Dr. Harley in addition to all the wonderful advice you've been given.
Infidelity on the Internet #4
Infidelity on the Internet #3

Thanks for the advice and support. I'll call OM tomorrow as I've just got in and its late.

She's just just gone upstairs probably to sneak in a quick call. I've got that "i dont give a [censored] anymore" feeling. Someone can only take so much. Didnt say more than 5 words to me this evening and I feel like a stranger and outcast in my own home.

I been jogging and exercising to relieve stress, keeping of the booze. What a week!!

People have recovered healthy and fabulous marriages after much more entanglement that you have faced so far.

So don't let the feeling of "it's a pile of crap" overwhelm
you at this point.

You wouldn't sell a house immediately after a fire burned it down- you would try and rebuild and see what you could do with it before you make any decisions.

So bust up this affair, get your wife out of this fog- and see if you want to work Harley's plan and build a healthy marriage.

If you feel like there's anything with saving- but with little kids- and a shared history- I think it's worth a try- and you- have the backing of the best peeps to help you plot it out and cheer you on.

[size:8pt][/size]
Arnold, if she DARES call her affair partner, I would put a quick stop to that. Tell her she may not conduct her affair from the home of you and your children.she needs to take it out of the house.

I would follow her around and say "please take your affair conversation out of my home!"

HeyArnold. It is way to early to give up. I understand how you feel but you can't give up because that will mean that your wife will be free to bring your children around some unknown man that she met on the internet.

Think about that. Are you going to allow your children to be in that position...because that is what will happen if you give up.

If you're funding the bill for her phone I would suspend it pronto.

No way will she be working her affair under my nose!!!

no she pays for it...sure would have cancelled it if i was paying.

Did you follow her around the house and make sure she isn't carrying on her affair around you and your kids?

Uh-huh. So he says. I suspect he is married with at least two children.

UPDATE:

Has massive arguement this morning with WW, phoned OM and told him that she's married. His response was like rather nanchalant "so why you talking to me for? Sort it out with her"

She got really angry and defensive because I had managed to take her phone. I stormed off stating I'm leaving, packed and said goodbye to the kids. I went to sisters and managed to sleep for a few hours and realised I needed to remain at home no matter what.

Went home, she was out but there was message from OM stating "hey just checking if you're alright." She thought i had left for good and gave him the main land number.

I didnt react,instead went for shower and ate. She same back not talking, heard her speaking to her sister about the situatin saying shes done and all the love is gone(usual rubbish blaming all on me, not once did I hear her own up to any shortcomings)

Anyway phone rings and I see from number its OM. I answered confidently and asked who it was. I reminded him that I spoken to him earlier on and reminded him she was married with 2 young kids. He then said that she was separated and that I was only visiting to see the kids. I laughed out loud and asked him why I was answering phone calls. He then said as far as he was concerned she wasnt married and any issues were between us, not him. I told not to call my phone and to ring her on her cell in future and hang up.

After this WW looked really down and out, threatened to leave now and move in with him(after chatting for a week!!! hahaha) etc etc. I told she had a decision then, move to his and leave my kids or not have contact with other man.

She got really defensive over OM after i went on and on about what kind person would like to continue to pursue a married woman, even if their marriage was in a bad place.

I asked her where they met, she said work(not true and can prove it - didnt tell her that tho)

She's now gone out to have think but said i should leave OM alone and no contact him because he was not the issue.She deleted his number but ofcourse I have his number else where.

She gone to contact obviously, maybe to seek reassurance that the relationsip is real to enable to ake her next move.

How to proceed??

Almost positive this guy is married and trolling for affairs. No picture, no cares that she is married, he is wayward himself. Did he phone you from a landphone? Find him, find his wife.

Call the POS back and tell him if he doesn't stay the F away from your wife and family you're going to bring a hell to his doorstep he can't even begin to imagine.

Good job on going back home.
Look up this man and expose to his family.
Do not leave your home again. Men Do not leave your home

Be documenting all of this Document. Document Document

Listen to this about confronting OM I encourage BH to confront OM

Have you googled this scum? Go to www.intelius.com and google his name. You may get info on him that way. Pay a couple of bucks (I think it was about 2.95 for a 24-hour pass the last time I used it) for associated names. You may find his wife's name in there.

When your WW throws her tantrums and tells you that she's leaving, tell her that you are sorry to see her go. Tell her the kids will miss her, because, of course, you will not allow them to leave with her. STAY CALM. Don't let her get you upset (and she'll try, so she can say you were 'crazed' etc, and that's why she left.)