I have been reading over "His Needs Her Needs" and have taken a stab at focusing on the things that I believe are of most importance to my wife and our marriage. I just emailed her a long email outlining a plan to address each one of these needs and I am optimistic that we can have fruitful discussions and address some of the love busters, annoying habits, other issues that we have in our lives.

Having fruitful conversations is very hard for us. We usually do not have time and most of the time we end up arguing. My therapist has recommended that we employ the rules for fighting fair **edit** after reading this I think that it would do wonders for our relationship, but I am afraid of what my wife will say.

Which brings me to my next point...
My wife has never been very forgiving and can easily dwell on mistakes that I made more than 20 years ago when we are discussing a love buster that happened yesterday.

I have done a lot of research on this and recent Dr. Harley radio shows have brought up the issue of how can someone get over a mistake. I have also watched several Joyce Meyer shows on how to forgive and am planning on buying her book **edit**

I know that I have done things wrong and as I have said in previous posts, I am committed to my wife. Through Dr. Harley's books (Needs & Busters), the radio shows, my therapist (used Harley books in the past) and other sources I am ready and have begun to reach out to my wife with affection, domestic support, family support, intimate conversation, and honesty.

If any one doesn't have any ideas on how we can structure the upcoming conversations and how I can help her forgive me, please provide prayers.

Thanks

How's your anger management coming? If she doesn't feel safe when you have the conversation then it will be moot.

Read this Four Guidelines for Successful Negotiation

Have you thought about calling the coaching center? They are wonderful in giving fantastic plans for both spouses.

If you follow the rules for successful negotiations. Then you won't argue because it will end until its safe and you try again.

Thanks for the link.

The anger management is actually going really well and my therapist has given me some great tools. I am keeping notes of when I have had an "explosion" and when I feel like I might have and "explosion". That simple task alone is really insightful.

He has also had me focus on my personality type (yes the MB type) as my type of personality CAN be quick to get frustrated and simply need to blow off steam. This introspection has been enormously helpful for me personally.

I now sometimes feel my wife testing me and trying to push me "off the edge". on several occasions I have had to leave the situation/conversation when I feel anxiety. I am hoping that she will soon recognize the changes as I have and feel comfortable having productive and honest without demands, blaming.

I have been trying to have her focus her energy toward how the things I do make her feel rather than simply "calling me an idiot". This is a hard time for us since we haven't addressed the issues head on.

Thanks again, I'll read those links.

I don't know if you saw this from Melodylane on your other thread?

One more suggestion. Do you have the book "Lovebusters" by Dr. Harley?

A must read to help with all Lovebusters.