SHould my husband be talking to someone of the oppsite sex that I do not like privately in secret behind my back? He has lied over and over about talking to her and he uses a form of chat so that I cannot see if he is talking to her. He tells me that he will not speak to her unless she talks to him or he sees her in public, but yet I find out he is talking to her anyway. He is talking to her about me. I do not like this person to begin with, so should he be "friends' with her?

Welcome and Dr. Harley answers this very question in this article he wrote.

Are "Friends" A Threat to your Marriage

You have a great red flag alarm.

I would ask him to stop talking to her entirely. His behavior is very disrespectful, not to mention suspicious. I would be putting a VAR in his car to see what he is saying to her.

No.


Double NoNo (lying )


Liars lie.
Assume every syllable he mutters is not true until you can prove/verify it yourself.


Is "she" married?
If she is, her husband (or her boyfriend) should EVENTUALLY be told about their secret conversations. (LATER, once you have proof)


"She" is not your problem.
Your problem is ~~~> your husband does not care if his actions hurt you or cause you emotional distress.
Your HUSBAND is the problem.

My suggestion:

Spy on him secretly.
Put a hidden GPS on his vehicle.
Put a VAR inside his vehicle.
Get ahold of all the bills (credit cards/phone/etc) and carefully scrutinize them.
Read the forum titled "Operation Investigate" for more tips on wayward spouse surveillance tips.

Meanwhile ..... These are your "Do Not" items....

DO NOT

1. Make any accusations
2. Make any threats
2. Make any ultimatums
4. Argue
4. Love bust
5. Mention "Her"
6. Beg
7. Cry
8. Pout
9. Show disrespect
10. Let him know you are suspicious and you are watching his every move.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you have done your 'homework' and have hard evidence .... then you come back to this forum and tell us what it is.
We will then give you suggestions of how best to handle what you've found.

YOU MUST BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW !

Here is a link to the other MB forum Operation Investigate

1. How long have you been MARRIED?

2. Do you have children?

3. Are there other important marriage problems such as drug or alcohol abuse, gambling, porn, previous affairs, physical or verbal abuse, chronic unemployment ????

I'm bumping your thread. I think you should hit "notify" and ask the mods to move this to the surviving an affair forum. I think you'll get more responses/advice there.

She has recieved LOTS of responses/advice but has not responded to any of them. She doesn't need any more until she responds to the current posts.