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Dr Harley addressed this issue on the radio show today. He pointed out that most WW's lie and tell the OM that the BH doesn't care about the marriage [or plays the abuse card] so Dr H recommends the BH contact the OM and make it clear he does want the marriage and will fight for it. All of you guys need to listen to todays show. Go to 5:00 in this clip http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3822. It is a really good segment about exposure and confronting the OM for you BHs. Test later!!! 
Last edited by Fireproof; 06/06/12 04:54 PM. Reason: adding link at request of OP
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks, Mel, but now please find the clip where he tells the BW to contact the OW and tell her to stay the heck out of her marriage.
Gracias.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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The recent influx of OM affair partners coming here complaining their WW spouse is having an affair on him reminds me of the overplayed abuse card.
They all state, "but he was abusive to her"!
Now, I may just be cynical after 8 years of working in police emergency services but most actual female abuse victims were terrified to fold the laundry incorrectly, let alone go out and flirt with other men, let alone sleep with them.
I suppose it is "abusive" and "controlling" to tell your wife to not have an affair these days.
Oy.
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The abuse card is hilarious and FAR too common.... "he abused me .. BLAH BLAH BLAH" That's exactly the words my wife's mother used against her hubby she betrayed and her OM fell for it.
I think at some point ... everyone has abused their spouse in some way shape or form intentional or not. So it TECHNICALLY could be claimed BOTH ways (not condoning it .. but its often true) ... just it seems that WW's are exempt (in their minds their abuse is NOT abuse for some reason) from the abuse they may have inflicted on their Betrayed Spouses.
Crazy ...
ANyhow .. I DEF agree that OM should be contacted and confronted if nothing more to show some back bone that the OM is not going to get the WW without a fight. MAKE IT UGLY for OM and tiresome and stressful.
MNG
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alis, you are exactly right. If the woman is truly scared she wouldn't be catting around like an alley cat in heat. I would be a millionaire if I had a dollar for every "story" about the alledged "abusive" husband... 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The abuse card is hilarious and FAR too common.... "he abused me .. BLAH BLAH BLAH" That's exactly the words my wife's mother used against her hubby she betrayed and her OM fell for it.
I think at some point ... everyone has abused their spouse in some way shape or form intentional or not. So it TECHNICALLY could be claimed BOTH ways (not condoning it .. but its often true) ... just it seems that WW's are exempt (in their minds their abuse is NOT abuse for some reason) from the abuse they may have inflicted on their Betrayed Spouses. Typically, WW's lie about the abuse and claim to be physically abused, etc, etc. Which always begs the obvious question: then why are you having an affair??? To incite more abuse?? Waywards are sooo stupid...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. if you pay a visit to the OM leave your pistol in the car and bring a GREAT BIG friend who will agree to hold you back if you feel the need to punch in his stupid face.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Dr H recommends the BH contact the OM and make it clear he does want the marriage and will fight for it....and in my case, I actually got him to cry! 
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Dr H recommends the BH contact the OM and make it clear he does want the marriage and will fight for it....and in my case, I actually got him to cry! he such a badass!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What about the mean wicked witch of a wife? WH play the same card with a slightly different twist.  She's so controlling. She never lets me out. She wants to check my phone.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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What about the mean wicked witch of a wife? WH play the same card with a slightly different twist. HAHA .. that reminded me of the movie "Princess Bride" Where the wife comes out after they visit miracle max. "Liar, LIAR! Im not a witch .. IM YOUR WIFE" and im not so sure I want to be THAT anymore!" But I think that would REQ its own thread for reverse roles of the abused WH.
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What DOES Dr. Harley say about BW's confronting the OW? I am curious.
Frankly, I cannot imagine an A going on and NOT confronting the OM/OW. I learned about my H's ONS a DECADE after it happened, and in between throwing up in the middle of the night looked that sorry wayward up online with the very limited info H could give me on her. By morning I had a very well worded letter sent off to her. I have never confronted her personally because...that just wouldn't have ended well at the time. And now, would probably just stir up old anger I am trying to put behind me...
In any case. If there was a current A going on, girl better have her running shoes on, that's all I'm sayin.
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In any case. If there was a current A going on, girl better have her running shoes on, that's all I'm sayin.  You are my kinda gal!! He tells BW to contact the OW too.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In any case. If there was a current A going on, girl better have her running shoes on, that's all I'm sayin. You are my kinda gal!! He tells BW to contact the OW too. I went to her house. Even the dog was scared. 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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In any case. If there was a current A going on, girl better have her running shoes on, that's all I'm sayin. You are my kinda gal!! He tells BW to contact the OW too. I went to her house. Even the dog was scared. you guys are a hoot!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I told on her to her mommy and daddy, and then I contacted her. She was toast.
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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In any case. If there was a current A going on, girl better have her running shoes on, that's all I'm sayin. You are my kinda gal!! He tells BW to contact the OW too. I went to her house. Even the dog was scared. you guys are a hoot!! Wasn't there something about your car and someone else's?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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It just dawned on me that as many men I've told on this board to "grow a pair" because they don't want to confront the OM, I have yet to see one BW on this board cower in the face of the OW. I think I've been taking the wrong approach. From here on out I'm going to be using Betty White's approach.
**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 05/04/12 04:55 PM. Reason: cleaning up
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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LMAO!!!------^ I almost laughed my lunch out onto my desk!
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Amongst my girlfriends- we say "ovary up".
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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