Well, if you think it's time for Plan B, make the last days of Plan A as sweet as possible. You really want to go out with a bang, as they say.

Point blank: Did you respond to this POSOM's message and show it to your WW, and if not, why not?

Totally, quite frankly, forget about sending her flowers for Mothers' Day if you are NOT at home - it would be an empty gesture, and I doubt if she would even pay any attention to it! The gesture she needs from you is to get back to your marital home and to show her that you do care for her and your marriage, and that you are wiling to fight! Despite what anyone says here, I believe that your Plan A from long distance is furtive at best! All I have to say in sum is AARRG in terms of you being able to win her back at this point. Please LISTEN and DISCUSS with the vets here instead of making intermittant, furtive posts!

Tom

Seeing Tom's post made me realize....yes. DO NOT send her a darn thing if you are not in your home. Men leaving home is just the worst thing they can do.

I didn't realize that you were out of the home.

If you don't get home soon there will be really no point in a Plan A.

Ok this is the next email I want to send my WW. It has to do with the letter she wrote me and told me she has grown up and I haven't and that she has outgrown me. I just want some of your opinion on it.


"I've been thinking about what you said about me not growing and the fact that you have outgrown me.

First off I grew up when I decided to marry the love of my life. I grew up when we decided to start a family. I grew up when first son was born and every night he threw up I came home to clean it up. I grew up when Aydyn was born and I took a job I really didn't want because I knew I needed to support my family. All I can say is that I'm still growing as I raise my kids and learn from them what they need in a father. Over the past couple months I have grown in the knowledge of what it takes to have a great marriage. Will I get to prove this only time will tell but in your mind probably not because you think the world is fill with impossibilities. So in your mind first son and second son will never be professional athletes, never make good grades in school, never go to college, or heck even possibly be president. Because in your mind everything is impossible.

All I have to say is if you don't think I have grown enough give me a couple of months and I will show you how grown I am."

Also I am sending ww the message from the other man threating me.

That is a terrible letter. Insulting your WW about her world view is not Plan A.

Go home. Hug her, and show her a grown man!

All right don't know where to go from here. Found out tonight from the OM's girlfriend that my WW wife contacted him and told him I was going to subpoena him to court. He apparently drove up to where I work looking for me to see what I would do.

I will be going tomorrow to get a restraining order on him so he cannot come near me or my kids.

With this happening I don't know which direction to go with my WW now.

p.s.
OM's girlfriend is now his ex-girlfriend because he broke up with her tonight. Apparently he has a new girlfriend and if I knew you she was I would warn her to.

Are you just blogging or what? You don't listen to anyone, you don't reply to direct questions with direct answers....

You're not doing anything substantial. Why not? What you need to get drilled into that thick skull of yours is that you have already lost her. Accept this, because this is where you are.

The question is, are you willing to do whatever is necessary to win her back! So far you have shown us that you aren't and just want to use this forum to [censored] and moan. That's fine as well. That's what it's for.

Oh, and t2c, did you even stop to consider that his new girlfriend might be your wife?

I don't think you need to warn her. I'm pretty sure she already knows.

Oh, and one more thing:

It occurred to me that perhaps listening may not be one of your strong points. If it were you may not find yourself in the predicament that you are now.

Just something to chew on.

So what plan are you in t2c?

Fixing to start my plan a over again since by listening to tigerwes and everybody else, I know I haven't been doing it right. From what I've been reading I should give it 3 weeks or should I give mine a little bit longer.

I never realized how hard this is going to be.

Tigerwes I am a listener but not somebody who can handle congregation very well and I think she knows that. I think that is whats making this harder for me. As the Nike slogan says I need to "Just Do It".

I see that you're online, so just what have you done the past 3 days?

Look t2c, I'm not trying to be a hard [censored] or jerk, just trying to motivate you into doing what needs to be done. Okay, you've had a problem with being a conflict avoider all your life. Well, put it in the past; reconfigure yourself for your marriage and fire up. Buddy, simply put, man up!

You say she knows that you aren't a man that can handle confrontation well? Well, it's time for you to change that perception.

Women like men that fight like hell for them in the darkest of situations and circumstances.

You're not doing that pal.

totally2,

To be harshly honest, you're not making much sense! To intermittantly post here w/o any indication of what is going on or the action steps you have taken per MB, and expect anyone to offer advice is just plain stupid on yuur part! The email you 'propose' to send to your W regarding 'growing up' is insipid at best! It tells me that you do not know even the basic things about Plan A, or women for the matter.

Man, you just better focus on getting your head together, obtain some humility to actually listen and I mean really listen to the veterans here, and simply dig down deep and learn how to treat your wife.

By the way guy, are you even back home where you should be???

All can say is good luck!

Tom

What are your plans?

Update please.

Tigerwes thank you for motivating me. How would you send the information to her about what the OM said to me over Facebook without it being some kind of LB or can I us LB to get my point across this time. Also I may need to you to drive down from Columbia to Florence and hit me with something bigger than a 2x4 maybe a 2x8.

Also if you don't mind may I ask what your story is. Tried to find it but couldn't.

You couldn't find my story because I have never taken the time to post it. Frankly, it pales by comparison to some of the things I've read around here. But I've been through what you're going through twice. My first XW was running around with my best friend who was in our wedding, and the second one I found out was cheating on me 6 days before Christmas 2003. And that vicious [censored] ripped out of my life the most precious thing in the world to me; my stepson. I wound up here not looking for help in busting up an affair but more so to improve myself so as to not keep making the same mistakes I was apparently making so I would have a better chance of not going through the pain of infidelity again.

As far as hitting you with something bigger, I can certainly do that, but really, what good would it do? You have 36 pages of advice and it pretty much all reads the same. I, or anyone else for that matter, can only do so much. It's entirely up to you to follow the advice....or not.

You have 2 choices:

1) Grow a pair, start fighting like hell and possibly lose her.
2) Continue what you are doing now and definitely lose her.

Every day you let pass with inaction is another day this gets more firmly entrenched. You've been told countless times what you need to do, and I know you've read other men's threads so I know you've read the same advice to them. The advice NEVER changes. I don't know if you're waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear, but I can assure you that isn't going to happen. All you're going to hear is what you need to hear.

You just need to stop thinking and start doing. No one here can do it for you, pal.

Wow TW thanks for the little bit of your story. I'm so glad you found MB because your information is valuable.

Have you ever thought about starting a post to help other BH learn from your experience? I'm sure others would find it valuable.

Thanks fellow MB warrior.

Tigerwes, I have planted my set and I am watering them daily. This is what I want to send to the OM. What do you think.

"Look, you, you mess with my life, I mess with yours. You continue, I continue. You push me, I push back. Get the picture? Stay the heck away from my wife or you're going to fully realize what I'm capable of. By the way, wonder what the parole board would think about this."

Does anybody out think this will diminish my chances of getting full custody of my boys?

Bump *I need help, I'm tired of being walked all over by WW and OM.

Did she move out? Are you still at home?

What plan are you in t2c?