LOL...it would appear there's some serious truth to those wise words!

My ww's OM just walked out of my house when I caught them. He didn't say a peep and wouldn't even look at me. He then hide his facebook page. Good thing my father made me take my box cutter I use for work off first before I went over there.

See? OM are PANSIES!

As I've sadly learned the emotional abuse card is a also a great tactic for OW when she's seducing your WH. I need to cry on your shoulder, your my saviour, your so wonderful, now we can have intimate conversations and become "soulmate schmoopies".

The OW in my case claimed her H was abusive too. NOT!!!!

When I talked to her, it was quite interesting. She tried to be all Bad*ss for the first 5 seconds of the conversation. Lets just say that did not bode well for her...

LOVE Betty White!!!!!!!!!!!

Hilarious!!!!!

NG, I'm going to need details



What's really strange is that there was no BH (he had died) to villify on OWs part, but she completely and totally began to villify her in laws and her own parents at the onset of the affair.

The inlaws were mean to her and they said cruel things at the funeral. Her parents were unsupportive and 'poor little' OW had no one to help her.... (This confused me a lot, becuse they were there helping her all the time)

But she didnt need any invented reasons to cry on his shoulder - her husband had just died!

Its like waywards need to paint an active, present villain to each other to have an affair.

It makes sense. No matter how awful their behaviour, its not as awful as the villans.

Just part of the justification process, I'd imagine.

Humm thing is am very proud to have done to confront the OW

1) I made an appointment for her at the local STD clinic and handed her the appointment card at her work place in plain view of her colleagues.

2) A few weeks later once I discovered that she had passed an std to me via WH while I was brestfeading my baby I was so furious that I took a pack of condoms to her work place threw it at her face ( it landed square between her eyes) in full view of her colleagues and customers and told her to learn to use them then turned around and walked out. The look of humiliation on her face from that encounter still brings a smile to my face.

3) I exposed her to everyone. I especially loved exposing her sob story where she claimed she had been raped at 16 and had a termination when infact she hooked up with a lowlife in a pub toilet got pregnant and made up the story to get the sympathy vote to get an abortion. I later discovered this was a lie vie one of her best friends on thanks to the FB exposure.

4) I gathered all the evidence of her sexual relations with all her male colleagues ( some married) and handed it to her boss, it still sits in her personelle file and has so far caused two demotions and one disciplinary action against her by the company. Her chances of promotion are zilch and any new managment who ever considers it will soon change their mind once they see her personelle file.

No one messes with my family and gets away with it!

Okay, I am going to add my own twist to this one. WW identified OM #1 AFTER HE DIED of pneumonia unexpectedly. I never did get in front of him. OM # 2 I still cannot verify and WW will not give name up. So I just found reason to visit my chief suspect. Shared pictures of my Marine son who is my WW's step son(he was wounded in Iraq in 2008), my chief suspect's son, a National Guardsman (was sadly also wounded in Iraq in 2010). Looked my suspect OM in the eye and told him how highly my wife thought of him and that I would pray for his son's recovery. Both our boys have severe Traumatic Brain Injuries.... His eyes teared while we were talking. I shook his hand and walked away.
Was I right? I will probably never know. I doubt I will ever have the in love marriage I want with a WW (who is probably former in her behavior but not former due to her lack of honesty).
Still, within minutes of my showing up at this potential OM's employment and introducing myself and sharing... I knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh, I did casually mention a few things to make it clear to him that I meant business (like the fact that my Marine son and I liked to challenge each other on the shooting range). That was kind of a fun twist.
A few months after I did this without telling my WW she decided to move and we have moved some 50 miles away from where we lived when I discovered the affair(s).
Anyway my usually disjointed point... It is worth visiting anyone who is even a suspect because all though it sometimes feels like an absolute on this board that you can... you cannot always know or find out who the OM or OW is or was. Then you land in the Limbo I live in (wanting D one day, trying to accept things as it the next)...

Sorry to the vets if you think I am off base.
ME: BH 57
SHE: WW 50
Hers: DS 23,19
Mine: DD 30, DS 28, DS 23
Ours: DS 12

Read about it here. It's pretty intense and shall we say the law was involved.
Our boy NG is one tough nut!!
NG's Story all OM beware!!

I never contacted my narcissist OW I chose to ignore her and not feed her narcissistic supply. My research revealed narcissistic OW are envious of BW and actively set out to hurt/destroy and replace BW. They welcome contact with BW to taunt and feel superior. They will contine the affair as long as they feel they have power over BS.

This thread has me thinking,

1. Is contacting OW recommended?

2. In Plan B letter to OW:

Dear Skankyhola, I love WS with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for him to give me that chance.

is it wise to add the following, or is this seen as educating and not recommended.

" our xxyr marriage was based on a strong healthy foundation not lies and deception, we have every chance of being able to rebuild our marriage. I bear no bitterness towards you, I simply have no respect for you. Your behaviour has in no way caused me to doubt my role of WH wife.

You dont need to add anything. The loving tone of your letter does it all without acknowledging her.

The bit from Dear Skank to 'wait for him to give me that chance' is good. I used that too on my OW. A very subtle FU message.

Any FU message is good

After reading thread about contacting OP I was thinking how contact could be made to get message across without feeding her narcissistic supply.

I didn't realize that I was supposed to send a copy of the Plan B letter to the OW. I really wish I had. I think things may have gone differently if she knew that I WAS fighting for my marriage.
Anyway, I think often of the skank (strange but true) and kinda wish I had some kind of closure with her.
Just wondering if anyone else feels the same or if they had some sort of closure with the OP?

PS Would it be wrong of me to send her the bill for my STD tests?

the best form of closure with the OP is if they voluntarily make themselves invisible and get the hell out of your world!!

Hmmmmmmm

Not morally wrong.

I think, if OW ever reaches out to you with an "I'm sorry" that might be the time to say ....

"Here is what you can do as your amends to me. Pay for my STD testing. I accept cash only. You owe me $307.45. Let's round it off. $300 should do it."

The "sincere apology" will suddenly turn awkward.

They always think an "I SAID I was sorry, didn't I?" will buy them Brownie points, or something.

Indie - I suppose your right (sigh) but I would really love to go Chuck Norris on her. She did exactly as you said. Perhaps a "Thank you" note with a picture of our family would be more appropriate, then?

Pepperband- I'll hang onto the bill, then. I guess. I doubt if she will ever feel the need to apologize but I would love to see her try.

It's kinds funny that I hate her so much. My counselor and I argue about it a bit. I find skank just as morally wrong as my WH. No, she did't break any marriage vows, but there is something about the home-wrecking skank that instills a deep hate in me for her.

Rocketqueen,

I also have 2 OW's that I still think about a lot. Have gotten good to not stalk them on the internet anymore or say their names out loud, but I still think about them.

Since I found out about WH's A's years after they happened, there was no exposure done on their side. I did confront OW#1 with a letter immediately after finding out about the ONS. I never confronted OW#2 but I have always wanted to. I think it is because WH had strong feelings for OW#2, and I was intrigued about this woman who I was so jealous of and had 'won his heart' in a way I hadn't been able to. I had all kinds of sneaky ways to get info on her, and I knew if I confronted her those would close down. But, I'm over all that now so I have been thinking about confronting her and putting it behind me.

Also, I have thought about more exposure on both their parts. I have info on OW#1's mother, thought about sending her a letter about what her daughter has done to our family. Not to hurt her mother, but to give OW some consequence to her actions. She was single when it happened, and I feel like she just walked away unscathed and yet we have this white elephant in our marriage forever.

So anyway, you are not alone on that. I am over a yr and a half out from D-Day (although only in recovery really for the last couple months) and I still think about those dang OW's. They are totally not worth it, I know.

...the best form of closure with the OP is if they voluntarily make themselves invisible and get the hell out of your world
That might be the second best. The BEST is reading the OP's obituary! The ultimate no-contact provision!

Exactly! My WH's affair started as an emotional affair. They were very lovey dovey with each other and exchanged "I love you"s and spoke about getting married (!) It bothers me greatly that this "woman" was able to win his heart, as well.



Same here, this single young thang just waltzed right into my life, created chaos for my family and ruined my life, and then sauntered back out again. No consequences, no regrets. I don't believe I could avoid a confrontation if I ever saw her again.

I have never SEEN OW#1 and God help her if I ever do. I am pretty sure all I would see is red and the world would cease to exist around me for about 10 minutes (or at least that will be my defense at the trial...).

IDK. What requires that 'closure' so to speak. Progress in recovery has helped me move forward with H, but not really taken away any of my spite towards OW's. If I had a dollar for every evil plot I have mulled over regarding OW#1... The funny thing is, I actually have never thought about beating her up, although I joke about it. I really have thought WAY more vindictively on how to destroy her life, mess with her emotionally, etc. Maybe thats a girl thing, rather than going all physical on them. She is lucky she isn't married, I had all kinds of plans on how to seduce her H and send her some nice gift wrapped videotape of him and I in her bedroom. At the end of the day there is no comparable punishment is there? Horrible I know, I just want her to pay some price for this.

OW#2, she was a highschool 'friend' who all H's guy friends in HS had sex with and he felt like he missed out on this little sex kitten. He talked about her incessantly during our marriage, how great she was. He totally pined after her. I met her at a wedding and thought, this is it??? THIS is who you have been pining after??? She is cute, in a short loud cheerleader sorta way. Not what I was expecting though. They exchanged numbers that night and started their affair, even though he agreed that she was no where near the fantasy he had in his head all these yrs since HS. So in a lot of ways the A was about the fantasy of her his mind created, not the reality, which seems to be pretty common.

So whats the advice from vets on this. In my case, do I do some more exposure and/or confrontation on the OW's? Or would that only open doors and old wounds that need to stay closed?