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Ok, confession time for Indie.------------
But then I was off and running. Looking for other FB pics of him. Googling him.
For what purpose I am sure I don't know.
The trigger of the friend's photo? A delayed reaction to the Decree Nisi? Combination of the two? Cockiness to see if I could handle it and feel nothing?
I'm not unbiased enough to say with any certainty. Those get my vote Like you wanted to just stare the lion in the face. Like how a snake hypnotizes his prey Like you still are afraid and can't believe it Yeah thats all normal too and time will take that away also.. So you did good on the exams?
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Yeah, it's like falling for a bad boy. You know he's bad for you but there are things about him you still like. Could never figure that on out Karma..Why do they...Oh wait..it must be like why guys have a spot in their hearts for the trashy girls, who have no brains, morals, or values.. Umm.. they just want to be BAD a little bit? Then we grow up..,and realize how we can't live with one foot in Heaven and one in Hell, and be cake eaters. Its so simple, how did we miss it? Or were we not paying attention? I vote for not paying attention, but life is nothing if it isn't for learning. "Show me someone who never made a mistake and I will show you someone who never learned anything"... But some mistakes.. especially those that regard our human hearts? wow...
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It's all about choice. We grow up and realize that the bad boy is, well, bad. We learn better.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Yeah how about it. We could start a whole thread on bad choices and consequences and the temptations associated with them.
It is a human behavior class all of its own.
But not to TJ Indies thread anymore
Indie we all start out with a balance sheet of good and bad and what we believe we will overcome in our relationships. Although I loved it that my second wife was beautiful and a looker, I really thought there was more to her than that and that her character was stronger than it turned out to be.
In the end I fooled myself, and believed the best, even with all the signs staring me in the face, that I was just a means to an end, an enabler and a cuckold.
Still the death of 1000 cuts I embraced like it was my penance to pay, and believed sacrifice was good, and it would all work out in the end.
Truth is it did work out, just as should have been expected. Just wasn't paying attention.
The kung foo of MB is strong, you can count on it for a long time
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Funnily enough I have never ever seen the appeal of the bad boy.
My top need is O&H (always has been, its not just because of betrayal) and I can physically feel my heart pull in someones direction if I hear sommething I interpret as good, noble or honest. Sharing something deep and true is what does it for me.
The problem with this is you can't forever class that person as trustworthy. Everyone makes mistakes and no one should be trusted blindly.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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So you did good on the exams? Yeah I need a C to pass and I got a C on one paper and a B on the other which gives me a good mid-level C. Some people who got low Cs were told to book resits just in case they flunked the next paper, but my teacher said I didn't need to. She said if I could get a C while sick, I would be fine.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Glad to hear about the exam results indie, well done!
Me (BW): 35 Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it. Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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So I came home late from work late last night, and the first thing I noticed as I stepped into the hall was that the house smelled different. Outdoorsy, and full of the smell of the pine tree from the back yard. I noticed the back door swung wide open and I was baffled - I hadn't been out in the garden that day, I hadn�t been forgetful.
Then I saw the hole in the lower part of the door, next to the lower deadbolt, which was swinging loose. I dropped my bags and turned on my heel out of the door and went to my brother's house. If intruders were still there, I didn�t want to meet them. I also didn�t want to see what the rest of the house looked like on my own.
It did occur to me as I drove away that maybe Softlad had broken in, as the law would allow him to do. I was in two minds about desiring this. On the one hand that could mean less financial pain for me than it being a professional thief, but it would be a higher emotional pain.
My brother returned with me, and we discovered my laptop was gone and so was my Wii console and three Wii games. The television and stereo (both older models) were not touched. I suppose it could have been worse. We were both baffled by how they managed to get in the back door. The bottom deadbolt was caved in, next to a hole they had sawed or chiselled. Then, the key in the lock must have been pushed in from outside, and caught through the hole and then opened from the other side. But we have no idea how they opened the topmost deadbolt. It's completely untouched and too far away from the hole in the bottom of the door.
By the time the police came I was in high spirits and laughing. I didn�t sleep well though. Then driving into work I got inexplicably angry at Softlad. Remember him? My sworn protector? Where is he in my hour of need?, I thought. Half way across the world, hiding from his well earned shame, and choosing no contact with me so he can Skype or email with his mistress or whatever nonsensical form their addiction takes while he is in hiding.
Don't get me wrong, I don�t wish he was here. He would be as much use as a chocolate teapot. But he nevertheless owes me his protection. He is still mine, my only choice while laws still tie us together. He pretended to be a buyer, and stole my time, stole my chances of marrying someone more reliable. Someone who could have helped last night.
I am really tired of making everything about him though. I don�t want him, even as a nemesis.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Don't get me wrong, I don�t wish he was here. He would be as much use as a chocolate teapot. I have nothing constructive to offer, but this gave me the giggles for some reason.
Me: 30 Him: 39 Together 5 years Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman. 7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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Don't get me wrong, I don�t wish he was here. He would be as much use as a chocolate teapot.
I am really tired of making everything about him though. I don�t want him, even as a nemesis.
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Sorry about the break in. In true Indie fashion you handled it marvelous.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Crazy... a similar robbery happened at my house (which is actually my parent's house) while we were sleeping the night before last. Laptop was taken and we were all fast asleep upstairs but the thief just walked in the back door as we did not lock it. This is just too weird. We were both robbed on the same day, the day after we became connected by you becoming my IM. And halfway across the world from each other.
Married since 2005. BW 28 (me) WH 29 No children D-Day 3/5/12 Caller on radioshow 4/10/12 Dark Plan B, 5/3/12
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wow, indie, how scary! i'm sorry to hear of your loss. and i know what you mean about softlad. ugh!
what are you doing to protect yourself in this situation (robbery)? (is it even possible?)
thank goodness just thieves (stealing immediately sell-able items). but how horrible to have had that WH jolt.
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It is weird Hoping isn't it? I was telling my mother of the coincidence before.
Thanks Letty, there isn't much I can do to 'protect myself'. I think the smartest thing I did was not enter the house alone once I realised. Maybe Ill get MelodyLane to teach me how to shoot!!!
The police are coming again tomorrow to get fingerprints and interview me. Then they'll realise the burglars were wearing gloves and it'll get filed in a nice big cabinet of unsolved burglaries.
Oh well. Its all replacable stuff. Thank god my writing is not up to much at the moment - there would have been half a novel on that laptop otherwise!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Be safe, Indie! And please back up your work. I once lost pages of a short story I was trying to write, never to start again.
BS (me) 46 STBX WH 53 Married 2000 DS, 11; DS, 10 1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06 2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11 Plan B since 1/17/12 Divorcing
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ditto w/estrela - i back up all my stuff now via google docs, plus dropbox and an external hdd! no, not paranoid at all!
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To show their support following the break-in, my work friends had a whipround for me. How awesome is that? Not just coins either, quite a few �10 notes!
When I had dinner at my friend's house, she told me what they had done at the office, and gave me the collection - �100! That's half the price of the Wii, or it would replace the three games that were stolen.
However it's the gesture of putting their hands in their pockets to show how sorry they felt. People are not what they say, they are what they do. And I am so touched.
My friend had also bought me some little bathtime treats, because she was shopping when she heard about the break in and had wanted to buy me something to cheer me up.
So that is lovely isn't it? I just seem to have much better friends these days and I can spot the fakers from much further away.
So that's the good news. The bad is not quite so bad either.
Really strange, but I had another dream about Softlad.
Ive been thinking about him a bit on and off the past few days - just a dip in the roller coaster I expect.
But I was surprised to have the dream. I only had those right after Dday and soon after going into Plan B.
I was working in a department store and he came in to try and talk to me. I had security throw him out, but I was fearful that when I left to go get some lunch, he'd be there.
He was. Wearing the dopey glazed look I imagine cake eaters wear when trying to break Plan B. I ran away from him down a side street. It was like trying to escape a zombie.
But I was way too quick for him.
Its just an oddity. The rollercoaster has slowed down a lot at least.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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You have some wonderful friends. That's one of the perks I'm finding out about Plan B -- all of the support and care people have shown me. I was afraid to expose because I was scared of their responses but I've realized that when I was honest was when I saw the truly good people for who they are.
Married since 2005. BW 28 (me) WH 29 No children D-Day 3/5/12 Caller on radioshow 4/10/12 Dark Plan B, 5/3/12
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Wow, you English people speak weird. AWESOME co-workers, can I ask though, what are bathtime treats? Or do I not wanna know? HEHEHEHEHE Not surprising that you had a dream about Softlad. Good to hear that your Plan B is solid, even in dreamland. Running away down a side street, I had a little giggle thinking of that. And then the zombie comment, oh Indie, you had me doing a spit take.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Wow, you English people speak weird. Do you mean whip-round? I had a feeling that might be a British only saying as I dont think Ive ever heard a foriegner use the term.... It beats 'collection' hands down though. You only use the expression when you want to 'whip up' enthusiasm for a cause, so I like it very much. AWESOME co-workers, can I ask though, what are bathtime treats? Or do I not wanna know? HEHEHEHEHE Scotty!!! If you must know it was rose, sandalwood and jasmine bath fizzes. Very nice for Plan Bing on a quiet night in.... And then the zombie comment, oh Indie, you had me doing a spit take. I was accused of hating men the other day, because I've gotten very critical of my friend's dates. (Ive not been wrong once though, I've gotten to be such a good judge of character). Their dates arent even bad, just unsuitable needs-wise. This was accepted once Id explained it. I dont hate men!! I dont even hate zombie-waywards. I sincerely hope every one of the doped up little sods have their 'Road to Damascus' moment and find repentance and happier lives. If I hated them, I would want them to stay wayward forever. But while they are wayward, I will run from them.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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