Does anybody have any words of wisdom for me today...? I'm feeling really down and could use some help.

My words.

It is a sad thing to deal with....you know that.
When you read his wayward letter with the 'heart felt' dribble, it fed your angst.

Plan B will protect you. It will not take away all your sadness but it will not fuel it with yet more stuff from your WH.

Deal with the legal stuff through your attorney. Keep on the attorney to keep the process rolling in a timely manner.

Have no meetings or communication directly with your WH. Attornies can do that about legal stuff. IM about other stuff.

If WH leaves notes at your home, send them to IM and have IM tell him you did not read it and all stuff goes through IM or attorney.

(((((Star))))).

I read your WH letter without the emotional attachment that you have...WH is deep in the fog. Do not try to analyze what he said and read things into it.

It was basically an easy way out for WH to continue to ignore the fact that all he has to do to is become honest. The letter was for "himself"...to convince himself that he is a good guy. It is self serving.

I'm so sorry for you Star. Some people would rather choose to run than choose to become honest people and redeem themselves.

((((hugs))))

Star. Please stop breaking Plan B. It will only bring you pain. You have painted a clear path home for WH. He has to make the choice to take it.

Until that time you must protect yourself from more hurt.

(((hugs)))

SF, I am glad you came back. Was wondering what happened to you!

Can I tell you what STBX did? When he left here and I entered Plan B, he was begging me not to D him, proclaiming his love for me, wrote me a love letter, crying, at one point told me he wanted to curl up and die, etc.

Within a short time (weeks) he was with OW4 and it was a whole different story. He told my DD (15) all kinds of fogbabbly about how he purposely had the A with OW3 so that he could kill my love for him and move on as we weren't ever really happy together and all other kinds of nonsense.

My FIL told me a short time later he had a "very long letter" he had written to me..."explaining everything" that he didn't want to pass thru the IM.

Thanks but no thanks.

I told FIL I would never read such a letter and not to bother. It would have probably been the same nonsense as your WH's letter.

You two are divorcing over your WH's affairs and refusal to make meaningful changes to become the faithful and honest husband he needs to be. Period. There is no other reason. The letter was written in an effort to assuage WH's guilt. More selfishness.

Please go back into Plan B and have the IM send a message stating that any further letters left in the door will be destroyed and not read. If you allow it, he will continue to contact you and it will be a hinderance to your personal recovery....

{{{{starfish}}}}}}

How about some silly jokes?

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers .

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."



A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

Hi Star,

There are no real surprises here regarding his actions. Everything he is says and does is foggy. Everything is 'oh woe is me! Life is too hard for my poor foggy brain! I need to find myself!' Um so what.

But I am surprised at YOU. Knowing MB, you know that an unrepentant wayward will only dole out pain if allowed. So why did you allow him to?

If he really wants to speak with you, he'll contact your IM saying all the right things. He won't sneak an ego-boost-for-him-lots-of-pain-for-you-grenade under your defences.

So WHY did you speak with him on Sunday?

WHY read a letter from him instead of tossing it out?

Do you enjoy being kicked in the teeth? Being used as cake?

If 'no' - then GO DARK.

This was pure manipulation.
He wants you to "buy in" to THAT VERSION of your "break-up".
Cuz he doesn't look so bad in that one. You share the blame in that version.

He is still refusing to accept responsibility.
The TRUTH is he has been unfaithful and dishonest.
And has refused to give you honesty about the last few years of your very own life.

Stop letting him through. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hasn't he done enough?

No contact until he "gets it".

I couldn't agree with you more! It's like he is rewriting our marriage and blaming me for a lot of it. He doesn't want to do the work and it's obvious. I know I deserve so much better, but it's still so hard when I close my eyes because all I can ever see is "US". My heart is hurting so bad right now. I just don't ever see him coming out of this fog or his pscho-babble nonsense. He will be going in to review the papers that I signed with his attorney this week. I never wanted a divorce, so this is tremendously painful for me. I trusted too much... I loved too much... I gave my everything (heart and soul) to this man who has stomped all over it! I loved him so much, that I wanted a little piece of him and me together, so we had been trying for a family the past 2 1/2- 3 years, during the same time he had his affairs. I'm so upset at all the things I put my body through trying to have a baby with the man that I thought was the love of my life.

Did you read SusieQ's advice above?

What you are feeling is the after effects of breaking Plan B. Fells awful doesn't it? The next time you are even remotely considering breaking Plan B, remember what the crash afterwards feels like and how it's not worth it. You know what to do. Get dark and let your IM deal with his fogbabble.

Yes, the pain is horrendous!!!
My sister came over tonight to talk to me and cheer me up!

WH will be meeting with his attorney to go over the paperwork that I signed with my attorney. This is all preliminary stuff right now. I am not completely ready for d, but I don't think any other time would make me feel any better about the situation. A big part of me knows that I deserve better than this, but I also have a fear that he won't come out of his fog until the d is already final and then it will be too late. He has been out of the house since Mid-March and I've been trickled-truthed since January, but started having doubts about him at the end of December. I doubt I will ever have all of the facts, but I'm ok with that if we do d. I don't think I would want to know everything if we d. He will have to come to terms with all that he has done someday and I'm sure it will be a huge train-wreck. I'm just thankful that I don't have to live with something like that. I can't imagine the pain from all the lies. I told my sister tonight that a part of me has pity for him.

I haven't contacted him since I received his letter. He wrote it to me after he had his IC session. I realize the pain reading his letter has caused me and know that I need to go back into no contact. I just have a feeling that he's going to make things extremely difficult for me with the d. I could be wrong and he might just want to hurry and get it over with so he can get on with his fantasy life.

I'm doing my best to focus on myself again. I am upset with myself for letting him back in, but I just keep hoping that he will realize what he has done and come out of the fog. He may never do that, so all I have left is myself. My dreams haunt me at night, but I'm so thankful that I have two warm, fuzzy dogs to comfort me. I build the body pillows all around me at night and ask God to hold me in his arms and keep me safe, protect my heart and give me a clear mind to think rationally.

((((((((((((((star))))))))))

I'm thinking of you, star. Lots of hugs.

Thanks Indie!

It was a crazy morning... Woke up to anxiety/diarrhea, etc. it was really early, so I went to get an ice coffee and took the dogs for a drive along the beach in the car with the windows down to catch some fresh air. As we were coming back, I was stopped by a light at an intersection and saw a mutual female co-worker/ex-gf of WH car leaving another coworkers condo development. She turned in the opposite direction of her house and proceeded to go in the direction of the place where WH has been living. It was definitely a God moment today giving me additional confirmation on why I shouldn't be wasting my time with WH and to move on with my life! Yes, I confirmed that she dropped him off this morning and was so pissed this morning, but it was the anger that I needed to make me see his true colors!

A friend told me last night, when a person shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM! These words have carried me through today...

Lots of support at work, which is amazing!!! I have a new parking spot too! Holding my head high and smiling and laughing as much as I can! I'm going to fake it until I make it... well, at work anyway!

Just to point this out:

He could fix this now and chooses not to. You have handed him the map. He has chosen to NOT follow it and instead to blab to you in extremely hurtful ways to try to pretend that there is nothing he can do.

It's baloney, and as others have pointed out you will be in much better shape if you keep your Plan B walls high and never allow any contact from him again!

One day he might wake up and realize that he has the map in his hand and has being a dolt and not following it.

I haven't had any communication with WH since May 25th and then he left the letter at my door the following morning, which i previously posted. Today I received the following message... lol!

I need to get in the house tomorrow after counseling to get our tax docs, pay stubs, among other docs. I'll be by around 7:00 ish or a little later.

Also BS, I think we can make this easy on each other if you let me know what your wanting. If we can live with what each other are wanting, then this can be pretty cut and dry. I know I'm mentally and physically exhausted and im sure you are as well. �I don't have energy to be fighting, plus I really don't want and don't feel we need too. We need to be friendly with each other, because our dogs, our kids.

He really expects me to be at our house when HE WANTS and then proceeds to want to end 9 years together in a CUT & DRY fashion... lol.. This makes me laugh!!!

By the way, I have a new parking spot and there has been absolutely no communication at work... Thank God!

Did this message go through the IM?

Really, stuff like this should go through attorneys (copies of tax statements, pay stubs, etc).

Its not for you to be hearing or reading.

Don't respond in any way and certainly don't give him access to the house.

Don't read his letters!