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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2012
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I had herpes when i got married thought i was clear of it but my thyroid kicked in and my body went all haywire and she came down with herpes, she gets it bad. She left me about a year now and tells me if it wasnt for this and that she would give the marriage a go.
What are the grounds for her to divorce me?
and how could we come back from this in a christian marriage?
I am signed up to a website to research medications to make her outbreaks better or even less.
Bless you
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
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Joined: Nov 2007
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I had herpes when i got married Michael, Did your wife know you had Herpes before you were married??
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
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That is a big betrayal especially since it dates back even before your marriage. You took away her choice to decide if she wanted to live with a man who had herpes and now she has to live with being infected as well.
Your wife can divorce you for any reason. Most (I think all) states do not require fault. Depending on the state she lives in, she could site fault if there is such a thing.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
Michael,
Would you be willing to share more details?
How long have you been married? How long before marriage did you date? Do you have children? How long have you been separated? Etc....
Knowing your back story helps the readers on this forum give better advice.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492
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Yeah .. a few more details would be nice ... Would make it easier to figure out what advice to give.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I had herpes when i got married thought i was clear of it but my thyroid kicked in and my body went all haywire and she came down with herpes, she gets it bad. She left me about a year now and tells me if it wasnt for this and that she would give the marriage a go.
What are the grounds for her to divorce me?
and how could we come back from this in a christian marriage?
I am signed up to a website to research medications to make her outbreaks better or even less.
Bless you I think the part I copied in red is very interesting.  "Doh!" You ask that (above) question, instead of something like: "What are some MB tools I might use to try and repair the damage my dishonesty has caused to my marriage?"But, I digress ..... Getting back to your original choice of question you want answered. Have you read the "Basic Concepts" here on the site? I highly recommend you click on that link and read all the subsequent links. Here is a very important part of MB philosophy: The Policy of Radical Honesty
Reveal to your spouse as much
information about yourself as you know;
your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes,
dislikes, personal history, daily activities,
and plans for the future.
To help explain this policy, I have broken it down into four parts:
1. EMOTIONAL HONESTY: Reveal your emotional reactions, both positive and negative, to the events of your life, particularly to your spouse's behavior.
2. HISTORICAL HONESTY: Reveal information about your personal history, particularly events that demonstrate personal weakness or failure.
3. CURRENT HONESTY: Reveal information about the events of your day. Provide your spouse with a calendar of your activities, with special emphasis on those that may affect your spouse.
4. FUTURE HONESTY: Reveal your thoughts and plans regarding future activities and objectives. You certainly violated #2, historical honesty. If you are dishonest from the get-go about a potentially dangerous STD you already knew you had, on what basis is your wife supposed to trust her body to you in the future? Are you aware that herpes infections in a pregnant woman can potentially cause dangerous and even fatal complications in her infant? Are you aware that a person might be infected with HSV and not (yet) know it? Google neonatal herpes simplex. Neonatal herpes manifests itself in three forms: skin, eyes, and mouth herpes (SEM) sometimes referred to as "localized", disseminated herpes (DIS), and central nervous system herpes(CNS).[6]
SEM herpes is characterized by external lesions but no internal organ involvement. Lesions are likely to appear on trauma sites such as the attachment site of fetal scalp electrodes, forceps or vacuum extractors that are used during delivery, in the margin of the eyes, the nasopharynx, and in areas associated with trauma or surgery (including circumcision).[7]
DIS herpes affects internal organs, particularly the liver.
CNS herpes is an infection of the nervous system and the brain that can lead to encephalitis. Infants with CNS herpes present with seizures, tremors, lethargy, and irritability, they feed poorly, have unstable temperatures, and their fontanelle (soft spot of the skull) may bulge.[3]
CNS herpes is associated with highest morbidity, and DIS herpes has a higher mortality rate. These categories are not mutually exclusive and there is often overlap of two or more types. SEM herpes has the best prognosis of the three, however, if left untreated it may progress to disseminated or CNS herpes with its attendant increases in mortality and morbidity.
Death from neonatal HSV disease in the U.S. is currently decreasing; The current death rate is about 25%, down from as high as 85% in untreated cases just a few decades ago. Other complications from neonatal herpes include prematurity with approximately 50% of cases having a gestation of 38 weeks or less, and a concurrent sepsis in approximately one quarter of cases that further clouds speedy diagnosis. Putting her (and your) future children at risk without her knowledge might be "grounds for divorce". Now, read the basic concepts and USE that knowledge to try and save your marriage !
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
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You don't know anything about herpes if you thought you were 'clear of it.' It NEVER goes away, it is incurable. And spreadable, even when you are not experiencing an outbreak.
Never, ever, ever have sex with anyone else forever without telling them about your herpes status FIRST. Okay? Although protection can help stop the spread, its not 100% effective and people deserve to know their risks.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
If you want to have a Christian marriage, I would start by counting your own non-Christian mistakes, confess those mistakes to God and to the people you have hurt, and seek to make amends. Without that, you do not have grounds for a Christian marriage.
If you would like help identifying those mistakes, we can help you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
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Wow. This is a tough one for me to read. My ex has a genetic disease that runs in his family and skips each generation. His mom had it, and he specifically told me this disease was a one-time fluke thing.
Shortly after we were married, I attended a family funeral and saw that quite a few family members were afflicted. I called him on it, and he told me, "Of course I lied to you. If I had told the truth, you never would have married me."
"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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"Of course I lied to you. If I had told the truth, you never would have married me."  *thud*
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746
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I have one rare and one common hereditary disease and told my (now) dh on our first date and disclosed that I probably could not bear children.
Didn't want any hidden information. LOL
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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