That's so funny.I thought of a very similar metaphor after posting earlier. I thought 'They built the affairage on a foundation of torn-out hearts and only now realise its squidgy and unsteady underfoot with bloodstains starting to seep through.'

Its so obvious that now the spell is beginning to wear off, they see the pain and sacrifice and trail of devastation behind them more clearly.

Which is EXACTLY why a BS is told to Plan B - remove themselves as the 'blame' let them turn on each other, let it topple so the wayward can see the mess and shame for themselves.

She thinks that if she can just get her BH to be cool with her, be 'understanding' (plan C and enabling)that will remove the bloodstains from the marriage. The stench, as you put it.

She believes she will get the magic back in the affairage by sponging this part clean. Rewrite history, make it a marriage that began the right way.

And not to mention get a bit of cake eating in with the hubby who met her needs better than OM.

And why should BH help HER do that?

You can't rewrite or sponge clean an affairage any more than you can unspill blood.

Excellent advice here. Thanks all.

I can see that amends are crucial in this and will be thinking of ways I can make amends to my BH.

Nah...they don't "SEE" anything outside of themselves. It's THEIR pain they are hoping to soothe. They think...maybe an apology will make THEM feel better.

It's all about them after all.

Mr. W

p.s.- An added bonus of apologizing will be found if and when the xBS wants nothing to do with them or their apology. Then, once again, they can celebrate their divorce from such an obviously bitter, angry and unforgiving person. Either way...they win.

Yes this is true. They don't see the whole pile of broken hearts, just the bits that bloodsplatter on to their fantasy. I think the way Dr H puts it is that after alienating so many, it puts pressure on the A to be 'worth it' which of course it isn't.



Yes! But sadly no amount of make up or applause or even BS forgiveness turns a pig in a dress into a princess.