The shop was POJAd, although DH has a full time job he works evenings and shifts but he will be spending the day with me at the shop, this makes it a joint venture and the financial stability will eliminate more stress.

The shop will open in a couple of weeks and we have already worked out UA time around it.

I have been an on/ off stay at home mum for most of our marriage. When he had the A I felt so low about myself that I went from working for a very prestigious insurance company to cleaning floors at McDonald. Now my confidence and depression is lifting I feel better all round and have achieved so much sometimes I am astonished at how I managed it.

I flew to China to source out the stock, I found the perfect shop to rent and wrangled an amazing rental deal ( most shops in my area rent for about �30-130 thousand a year, my shop rental is 3 thousand a year so a massive achievement).

With every step I took my DH has been there supporting and encouraging me and that has been the thing that has made me believe more and more that he means it when he committed to our marriage and recovery.

Glad to hear it.

How's your WH boundaries doing?

On that trip to China did you go together? You didn't spend nights apart did you?

Brain

His basic boundaries area there. He's still not on any social networking sites, transparent and has no contact with females. As far as the tricky boundaries nothing has come up in order to see how firmly they are in place.

China wise I went alone and stayed with a relative who lives over there. I went in November 2011 a month before DH committed to the marriage and while I was in plan FU. I have had other opportunities to go back to build more connections with the factories out there but I have declined.

Hello MB

I really need some people to talk some sense into me becaus I'm about to do something I know I will regret but the urge is so so strong.

Everything is still good with H so it's not about him.

When I exposed the A via FB 3 years ago the POSOW deleted her FB and disappeared. A week ago I noticed she has set up a new FB account and is back on it. I am friends with one sweet lady who worked with H and skanhoe and used to keep an eye on them for me when H still worked with skanhoe, this lady is friends on FB with skanhoe and when I saw a comment by skanhoe on this friends page is when I discovered she was active on FB again.

I hate the POSOW and all the lies she spinned ( like not knowing he was married even though she knew we lived together etc) and I have an overwhelming urge to torture her via FB again, I want to send the letter H sent her humiliating her and criticising her bedroom performance to all her friends on FB (already copied and
Pasted friends list into word document). Now I know i should just leave it well alone but I just can't talk myself out of it. I hate the witch and I want to cause her pain and discomfort and want her to go away from FB.

The only thing that is holding me back is the thought that she might get some satisfaction in the knowledge that I still think of her.

Some wisdom here would be greatly appreciated, i have not discussed any of this with my H.

I feel like no one messes with my family and gets to live a carefree life.

You said it yourself. "She might get some satisfaction in the knowledge that I (you) still think of her".

My solution was to write OW's name on a golf ball, then hit it on the driving range with the phrase, "To the moon, OW".


Rant here instead.

AM

My rage regarding her is stemmed from the stupid STD she passed onto me that I still suffer with weekly andI effects sf with H.

It's like her filth has been imbedded in my body against my will

( the std is thrush, I have NEVER ever had it before h passed it on from the OW and now I get it weekly no matter what cream I use. )

I'm in pain I'm sore and constantly uncomfortable with it.

I need to get a punchbag and think of her while destroying it, it will also help me maintain my weight loss I guess.

Arghhh why did she have to come back to FB?

Did you block her FB?

In addition to what armymama said.


Write her a letter with everything you want to say and then go out side and burn the letter.

No I haven't blocked here I didn't know I could block her if we were not friends.

I'll try the letter thing.

It's just so frustrating she is right there I front of me having a normal life and I have a nice vile letter my H wrote her that I can email to al, her friends and cause ultimate humiliation and I can't do that . So frustrated. Why can't the Karma bus hit her already and give me some release?

I'm really surprised that your friend became FB friends with this creep. If I were in your situation, I'd have a frank chat with my good friend and tell her I can't have those comments showing up in my FB, that it's a constant trigger. Would she feel badly about "unfriending" this person. If she would feel badly about it, I'd gently tell her that I need to unfriend her on FB. Not to be mean, but to protect myself.

Someone who's FB-savvy might be able to tell you how you could set your privacy settings to block comments from Friends of Friends. I just know that I couldn't stand to see OW's name in my house anywhere. I ran through our combined list of names in our shared account and made sure anyone who had OW as their friend "disappeared" on my FB page. All extraneous comments GONE! Forever!

I'm so sorry that you ended up with an STD. Insult to injury. Maddening.

(Still can't figure out why the same friend who helped you would then friend that skank on FB?--Wierd.)

This woman was my informant on H an OW in the work place as my H carried on working with the OW for a year after I dicovered the A. For my sanity I befriended this lady from his workplace and enlisted her to keep an eye on them in case they restarted the A.

I don't mind sending her a polite message stating I had to unfriendly her due to triggers etc she will understand,

This woman Is sweet and gentle so when OW sent her a friends request she accepted as they are work colleagues.

I was shocked to see a comment on her status by the OW it took me by surprise. Now I'm triggering and hurting and when I'm hurt I find it easier to get angry rather than sad want to cause the skanhoe a whole heap of pain back. But I am devoted to MB principals and fighting against the urge.

Im sorry you and any of the other BS had to go through this. I wouldn't wish this kind of suffering on anyone.

If you block her you shouldn't see any of her comments.

IMO Sending out messages would make YOU look bad.

You're a lady. Be able to hold your head high. You can only control your actions not POSOW.

I know the anger all to well. You need to figure out a way to deal with the anger in a healthy way.

You're triggered all over. This is why you need yo block her and maybe unfriendly mutual friend until you heal.

Dr. H cautions over reading old.emails and such because it's a constant trigger.

You could also simply and quietly unfriend your informant/friend. She won't be notified by FB; she just doesn't see you anymore on her FB. If she asks, then you could tell her why you had to do it.

By can you block someone your not friends with?

Dr H advice came 30 mins too late for me I have just re read all the email communications I had with the OW. And wish I hadn't.

Glad H is at work so he's not seeing me trigger. He has been grant so this is my issue not his.

I will quietly unfriend the lady no problem.i do feel bad about that because she was a sweetheart to keep an eye on the two infidels after the A.

I got to think of my marriage and what's best for it and triggers are destructive so she will have to go.

Venting on here has helped the urge is subsiding but then that could be due to anti anxiety meds j took to help me sleep.

You allow her space in your head. We need to work on ideas to get her out of there and deal with your anger.

What about emailing the radio show?

I feel she has invaded my body never mind my mind. The dirtiness that has touched me thanks to her makes me want to take a bath in bleach.

I cherished my body and only ever shared it with my H but then he brought her skankiness to me and I don't know how to escape that.

If any of you could have seen her you would understand that a homeless tramp is cleaner than her, she's that bad. When I met her I couldn't take my eyes off her beard and spotty face. There is a pic of me and H on the MB photo bucket thing. We are clean well dressed people, it just baffles me how anyone can have sex with her and not use a condom and sanitizer soap.

I'll have to email the radio show about this in the morning I need to know what to do to escape the feeling that she has invaded my body.

Wanted to share Dr. Harleys advice to another poster.

Wanted to share a radio clip of a woman wanting to contact the OW after the WH and BW were in recovery.

She wants to send nasty messages to the OW.
Radio clip on sending nasty msgs to OW after the couple are recovering at 5 min mark

Hi BH

Thanks for the radio clip, it kind of applies and it doesent, it's all great to be able to say move on but actually doing it is something else.

I too get triggered if I see any woman with her facial features and inadvertently end up scowling at strangers who just happen to look similar to the OW.

The OW has a very common surname (jones- hope the mods don't jump on this as jones is a very very very common surname) so anytime I hear that name on tv, on the radio or even see it written anywhere my tummy turns.

I used to believe that if my H pulled up his socks and got on board with recovery I would move on but he has been great and on board for 5 months yet I still get bad days, the issue is with me. I need to address this.

I did make a huge mistake in reading the emails I received post fb exposure, as I did not reply to her brain damaged supporters and they believed she had no idea he was married so that sparked the whole I want to expose again madness.

I am keeping it under control but it's just like when you are trying to diet. All you can do is think about food you can't eat.

On a brighter note H has 2 weeks off work starting tomorrow so will spend even more UA time together hoping that will pull me out of this.