Yes, evil plots sound good. Even if I don't actually act on them they would still be fun to think of

I did confront the OW at her job. But she hid in her office and said I was crazy (of course). The second time I tried to confront her, I had stopped by my WH's condo with my DD7 to get something and she happened to be there (hiding in his bedroom). I yelled at her to come out but she didn't. A good thing my DD was with me or it would have gotten ugly.

Hmmm. I had some pretty violent fantasies about OW in the begining.

It did seem that she got off scot free. She and her family held their heads high around mine. Her mother and sis backed her up. Her dad offered WH a place to stay when I kicked him out.

But then I spoke to her inlaws (their son and her husband died just before the A). They had the inside track because they watch the kids a lot and they hate their DiL. They told me her mother could hardly hold her head up for the shame and it was all a front - a fake show of strength. Apparently my exposure made OW so ill and so upset she took to her bed for three days before she gathered the strength to go around with her lies and counter stories. Which no one believed.

So I began to have more faith in what MB teaches us. That exposure, even if it seems quiet and uneventful, does indeed flush out shame from the most shameless.

I also believe that even where there is no exposure, the OW is not headed for happiness. If she ruts in the gutter with one married man, she'll do it with another. And she'll only get a miserable life doing that.

For my part, I've gone NC with OW and WH so long, I dont consider her my business. I pretty much never think about her. She doesnt live in my head rent free. None of my effort or energy goes into hating her. I told people to watch their backs around her. Her A earned her a hard time and experience of shame at my hands. If she and her enablers continue down a rocky path, it's not fault and not my concern.

I for one, hope she learns how to live a better life and not be a danger to people. But I have no interest in ever hearing her name or having any contact with her, ever again. She is not my business.

My peace is too well earned, and my mind's peace is more important than anything she is, or anything she can do.

I admit that I check on OW occasionally. Keep your friends close, and your enemies, well , if not closer, at least know where they are.

So far- she hasn't seemed to learn anything. I don't believe in karma- because that would mean I did something to deserve what happened to me.

But from what I can see of her life- she is still a professional victim. She still has no female friends. It was her birthday recently, and not a single person wished her happy birthday on her FB. She posts things on Pinterest about being lied to.

But I think by virtue of who she is, and because I exposed her for what she is to most of the people in her life- unless she makes radical changes, her life will be pretty disappointing. So it's not quite a karmic trainwreck, but there's satisfaction in what kind of life she appears to have.

Indie and Ridicit - Is it possible to envy you both?

In my case, OW#1 was single when she had the ONS with WH, and a decade later is still single. Some small justice, maybe she wants to get married and nobody will marry her, just use her and throw her away.

OW#2 is divorced from the BH she cheated on with mine. But now she is happily remarried and just had a baby. My H is not the only H she has cheated on BW's with so I really, really feel like she should have some kharma coming her way, or whatever you want to call it. She has up till now caused much havoc in the lives of others with no consequence. Doesn't seem quite right.

Yes, they take up space rent free in my head. Hopefully someday I too, will get where Indie is. Although I can't imagine it.

This is the reply I received from OW after FB exposure":

"If you want to talk to me BS, talk to me - my friends are not the appropriate avenue to discuss your failed marriage and they think you are a little mad for breaching my privacy in an inappropriate and childish manner"

To date I have had no contact with her. She is a narcissist and I haven't wanted to feed her narcissistic supply. Putting this out there - should I just ignore this and be satisfied that exposure was a direct hit?

You can't possibly know that she's really happy, unwritten so I wouldn't waste time thinking about it. If she's still a wayward addict then she's a time bomb of misery. If she's repentant then she would would be filled with guilt every day. One or the other - there's no inbetween. Which one is for her to discover. I would just make sure you don't hear anything else about her.

Once you treat people as none of your concern then the unconcerned feeling follows

I'd caution to "keep checking up on OW" it can trigger you and keep you stuck.

Here's a radio clip of Dr. Harley answering this very question. He advises the BH to stop being in contact with OM (and he's raising the OC has his own).
Radio clip

Sorry.

I understand that it goes against Harley's advice. But my IC and I have discussed this at length- and in regards to my OCD, and I am okay with checking up on her occasionally. It's hardly a regular thing.

I thank you for your concern, though. But a longterm affair, the level of gaslighting I had, and a obsessive disorder combined make this workable for me. Harley's specialty is infidelity. And I credit his theories with saving my marriage. But he isn't a specialist in my own disorder- so I have to trust the professional who deals with me and knows my history specifically on this issue. Oddly ? She doesn't trigger me. My mind is calmed and the intrusive thoughts I deal with are lessened with the things I check, following the rules my IC and I set up. I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life. Please trust that I know what to do.

My spouse and I are reconciling beautifully. Life is good.

Yes! Judging by the posturing, pouting and claims she should be allowed to screw a married man in 'privacy' you've rained on her parade very nicely.

She intended to bluff a strong pose but she shows her weak spot.

Anybody who wants privacy is ashamed that people know. Good job.

Ridic you have Karma backwards. Bad Karma involves self-inflicted pain. Your pain was caused by your FWH ... hence it will be him who suffers this wrath.

Self inflicted pain I would think is by far more devastating to live with then pain caused by the action of others. Guilt can eat ones soul and harden the veins in our heart.

Pain caused by others produces tears ... which God collects ... sweetie your life will be blessed and if FWH wouldn't make right he would be living an awful life with karma.

I never thought of it that way before. Wow.

Thank you. <3

Ok

[/quote]

Thanks Indie, I thought I should leave alone and let exposure do its thing, even though a small part of me wanted to respond. Its always good to have the benefit of someone's opinion to either confirm what we think or guide us.

Waywards live off drama. Contacting her back will feed her drama. To not contact her back will hit her more.

OW are so self-centered and not giving her the response will have a bigger impact.

She can tell all her "people" look what his carzy wife responded to me, but if you don't give her anything can't get there "pitty".

Thanks BH I certainly don't want to feed her drama, I'd rather remove myself as scapegoat/enemy and hopefully in time they'll LB each other .... suppose if they are both self centred etc it will happen. That thought gives me more satisfaction than having an opportunity to finally have a say.

I clicked rebroadcast but i didnt hear anything in the 26 mins segment about confronting the OM.
I am considering sending the OM an email.

Is there a sample letter from BH to OM?

Here's the radio clip.
Radio clip of Dr. Harley encouraging BH to confront OM

bump