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we really haven't had any situations that have needed any. How are you planning anything on the weekends, or for your date night? What are you doing concerning the kids? These should all be POJA'd
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Get your practice in on the easy stuff, where there are many solutions that both of you can be enthusiastic about. Then it'll be second nature by the time you run into a harder choice, where one of you would normally try to push your way through instead of considering each other.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Please listen to these excellent radio clips of a WH asking what he needs to do to win his BW back. Radio Clip on a WH wanting to know what to do to win his BW back Segment #2 Segment #3
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I would suggest posting a little each day. They don't have to be long posts, but if you're serious about helping your BW and healing your M, there will be posts.
She said she needed you to post as part of her healing process. It's such a small thing to do in order to begin repairing the damage you caused.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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brainhurts,
We have done all of the things discussed in the radio clips. I feel that we are closer now then we have been in a very long time. I am constantly looking for ways to make my wife happy and make sure that her EN are being meet.
Our 11TH wedding anniversary is coming up this weekend and I have taken the weekend off so we can spend it together.
I can't wait till I leave work on Friday as I have a fathers day party at my sons school. It should be a great weekend.
THANKS,
KISS
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Neak,
My biggest issue is that I never know what to post about. Recently my main goal is to focus on my wife constantly. As her happiness is the most important thing to me. I am always trying to make sure she knows that I am always available to her and I try to spend every second I can with her.
On Sunday I left work early to surprise her and the kids at a water park. She seemed very excited that I was there and we all had a great time spending the rest of the day together.
THANKS,
KISS
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brainhurts,
We have done all of the things discussed in the radio clips. I feel that we are closer now then we have been in a very long time. I am constantly looking for ways to make my wife happy and make sure that her EN are being meet.
Our 11TH wedding anniversary is coming up this weekend and I have taken the weekend off so we can spend it together.
I can't wait till I leave work on Friday as I have a fathers day party at my sons school. It should be a great weekend.
THANKS,
KISS Glad to hear it kiss. So how much UA time are you getting? Have you scheduled another appointment with Steve? Have you done your homework? Filled out the questionnaires?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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your thread title is "i want my wife back." your posts should reflect what you're doing to make that happen. Neak,
My biggest issue is that I never know what to post about. Recently my main goal is to focus on my wife constantly. As her happiness is the most important thing to me. I am always trying to make sure she knows that I am always available to her and I try to spend every second I can with her.
On Sunday I left work early to surprise her and the kids at a water park. She seemed very excited that I was there and we all had a great time spending the rest of the day together.
THANKS,
KISS *this* is what you can post about! what her ENs are, and how you're meeting them. it will be helpful to other WHs too. the water park sounds great! it is lovely to be able to read about a WH earning that F. please keep posting. consider it a journal if you want.
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Neak,
My biggest issue is that I never know what to post about. What Marriage Builders books are you reading?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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We need to start scheduling time together and family time with the kids better. Okay, when are you going to start scheduling? I noticed that you did not answer this question. We can help you more if you will answer the questions that are put to you. 30 hours UA time for a marriage in crisis 15 hours FC time Limit work to 50 hours a week, including your commute and your lunch break if any 56 hours sleep, for your health That will leave you with 17 hours a week for other miscellaneouses. A good schedule for a marriage recovering from trauma
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Get a binder. Get a 3-hole punch. Make sure your printer has plenty of ink. Now, get to printing; Emotional NeedsLove BustersPersonal HistoryRecreational EnjoymentSave the first two to your hard drive, the second two should be fine in a one-shot. PoJA a day of the week to sit down and schedule your UA time for the week, and for a few weeks, do the ENQ and LBQ at this time as well. As you get better at meeting each others' needs, you may find some will change rank. When you see them moving around less, you can decrease the frequency to a few months (3-6) apart, ultimately going back to review them and starting the cycle over if you hit a crisis. You, of course, want to eliminate ALL love busters, and put your focus on; meeting the UA requirements, and expertly meeting the top 3-5 emotional needs your wife lists in the way she states she would like them met.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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markos,
We have been planing things to due. We have plans on Saturday to go out to dinner and we are going to see a Shakespeare play in the evening. Then Sunday we are going out for the day with the kids but we aren't positive what we are going to do yet depending on the weather.
My job is tough because I'm salary and I must work at least 55 hours a week. 5 days 11 hours a day. also my days and hours change some days I work 5AM till 4PM, some days I work 9am till 8pm, or 1PM till 12am. what makes it tougher is I usually have to work most Saturdays and Sundays. That's why its so important for us to plan out our time together and with the kids.
THANKS,
KISS
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Brainhurts,
I would say that we are getting our 15 hours of UA time together most weeks. Some weeks more some weeks maybe not quite 15 hours.
No we haven't made an appointment with Steve Harvey yet. It has been tough due to our schedules but we both want to.
Some of the questionnaires we have filled out already. His main thing that he wanted me to due was to make it clear to my wife that she wasn't the cause of my affair in any way. That it was my fault for not protecting my EN's.
THANKS,
KISS
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Neak,
I have completed his needs her needs. My wife has Love busters so that will be my next one.
THANKS,
KISS
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Brainhurts,
I would say that we are getting our 15 hours of UA time together most weeks. Some weeks more some weeks maybe not quite 15 hours.
No we haven't made an appointment with Steve Harvey yet. It has been tough due to our schedules but we both want to.
Some of the questionnaires we have filled out already. His main thing that he wanted me to due was to make it clear to my wife that she wasn't the cause of my affair in any way. That it was my fault for not protecting my EN's.
THANKS,
KISS Can you up your UA time? Can you call Steve and make another appointment? So what have you done to make it clear to RQ that she wasn't the reason for your affair? How are you protecting your lovebank? Did you listen to the clips? Here's another good clip about how a WH doesn't know how to tell his BW why he had the affair because they had a good marriage. Radio clip on WH doesn't know how to tell his BW why he had an affair
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Kiss, posting here is part of your BW's requirements to recover your marriage, that should be motivation enough to post, as you would be willing to do everything and anything to fix what you broke.
You need to schedule at LEAST 20 hours of UA time to fix your marriage, and re-build that LB balance. And what kinds of things do you do during those times, are they completely alone? See, just spending time together, in the same room isn't UA time.
If your job is getting in the way of your life, then you need to find a new job.
For each day of the last week, write out here, when your UA time was, and what you two did. UA time is HUGELY important. Without it, you have no marriage to save.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Kiss, posting here is part of your BW's requirements to recover your marriage, that should be motivation enough to post, as you would be willing to do everything and anything to fix what you broke. couldn't resist!
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Well, I've been gone more than a week, and I see this thread was really burning up the airwaves in the meantime.  Kiss, at whatever point you get serious, we'll be here to help you along. In the meantime, who wants to make smores? The Dervish only left me a few marshmallows, but I'll share.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Well, I've been gone more than a week, and I see this thread was really burning up the airwaves in the meantime. Kiss, at whatever point you get serious, we'll be here to help you along. In the meantime, who wants to make smores? The Dervish only left me a few marshmallows, but I'll share. Me, me, me. ![[Linked Image from smiley-faces.org]](http://www.smiley-faces.org/smiley-faces/smiley-face-poke.gif)
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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All this time I thought one emoticon was poking the other in the eyeball. Silly me - they just wanted a little campfire fun food.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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