kiss, if pantsonfire is one of your wife's family members it doesn't sound like she is too impressed with your attitude. Is it true you are blaming her family?

I will tell you how I felt as a betrayed spouse after my husbands affair and I did not appreciate being placed in a position to have to choose between my family and my husband. Let's just hope after all the hell you have put this woman through that you are not causing problems with her family now. She has been through enough.

Why is her family still so angry with you and what are you doing to resolve it?

Melodylane,

oh yes. It is. No I don't blame them at all. They just can't help themselves from getting involved. I want my wife to be involved with her family but they continue to push her away. It's sad and upsets her constantly.

THANKS,
KISS

Kiss - please take her name out of the above post.

I her family for what they did!

They were trying to keep evil at bay!

When we become waywards, we become evil.

By this point, you should have no problem admitting how evil you actually were. If not, then your wife needs to run like he11!

You need to shift out of this mode that your in-laws did something wrong and accept that it was ALL your own doing.

LISTEN, did they commit adultery?

Did they destroy your wife?

Of course not! They were the ones that scraped her off the floor where you left her and helped restore her to some semblance of sanity amidst the distress that you caused. They were the rescuers. So let's drop this facade of being the victim. The reality is you didn't deserve to see your children, so knock this sh** off! OK!





You should move into the house she feels safe in. The memories of your old house coupled with the financial distress is far more than she can handle and still be willing to recover with you. You need to accept this. You need to man up and become enthusiastic about being a husband and a father again. OK?

What you should do about what? This is supposed to be some excuse for not moving into the house with your wife? That tells me you haven't quit your affair with your skankyho. I can't think of any other reason you wouldn't move in other than it would interfere with your affair.

Isn't it a crying shame her family knew that she needed to be protected from her OWN husband? They stood by her while you betrayed her terribly. You might as well have raped her. So of course they tried to protect her. Don't try and make her family out to be the bad guys here, kiss. YOU are the only bad guy in this picture!

Bravo to tst!

kiss,

I think you should thank her family for standing by her and then offer your apology for what you did.

I want to thank everyone for the help. I am not going to be posting on this web site no longer.

THANKS,
KISS

Why?

I know that the spouse is not supposed on the other's thread but as kiss's BS, I feel that I have a right to defend him here, especially to pantsonfire. Kiss came here at my request to learn how to recover our marriage. And now, you have posted here, not once but twice and attacked him. Now, this is no longer a valuable resource for him for he fears posting and being attacked for trying to do the right thing.
He has been practicing his EP's, he has been meeting my EN's and he has started coaching with SH. If you are familiar with these, then you would know that all of this is part of the reccovery process and making our marriage stronger.
I have spoken to Dr. Bill Harley and he has advised for me to tell the family to leave us alone and allow us to work on us. That you are making a complicated matter even more complicated. This is a process and just because it wasn't done to your satisfaction does not give you a right to post here and attack him.
I have spoken to Steve Harley and he advised that I am the patient, not you. I need to be treated first! And that is what kiss is trying to do.
I know you think you are doing this for the right reasons but this is causing me distress and putting large obstacles in the way of our path to recovery.

kiss/RQ have your shared the radio clips of Dr. Harely advising this to you with your family?


I posted them on yours and RQ's thread.

Really?

I would bet there were nearly 50 posts removed from my thread when I showed up here.

I had attacks comin at me everytime I tried to post. They were so severe that the posts were completely removed and mulitple posters were banned.

I stuck it out though!

Why?

Because my wife asked me to agree to posting here as a condition of recovery and I wasn't about to let her down because I was feeling attacked in some way......

The posts you're complaining about aren't even attacks IMO, just an annoyance....

Get your rear back in here and get to work, ya hear me?

It is very disappointing when a wayward runs at the slightest hint of trouble. I have seen others withstand 100x times worse than this and they stuck it out because they were sincere about recovery. I strongly encourage you to not allow KISS to hide behind your skirts, RQ. He can get lots of help here, but he needs to man up and face the music. A WS who is serious about recovery could not be run off by wild horses. Encourage him to come back, RQ. Help him be a man, not a wimp.

ML, I just wanted to be clear that he is NOT running from the regular posters here. Just those who create phony accounts to attack him.
That is all I want to say on this thread. I hope Kiss will return and continue to post as I have asked him to

I am glad you asked him to come back. He is a big boy and is fully able to handle criticism no matter where it comes from. I am not surprised that he is getting criticism from your family, though. They have been hurt too. Your H is not the victim here. He needs to put on his big gurl pants.

My sister and mother HATED my husband after what he did to me. My sister said through gritted teeth "I HATE HIS GUTS." But my H manned up and repaired the damage he did to those relationships. They have very warm, friendly friendships today.

My H initially told me that we weren't going to see my family again because of their reaction. I explained to him that I had lost enough and would not be giving up one more damn thing for him. My family stood behind me when he betrayed me so he would have to man up and face them. If I had to choose, I would choose my family so he would be wise to not place me in a position to have to choose.

To his great credit, he quickly grew some balls and faced my family. They are now great friends. But if I had not insisted that he behave like a man instead of a weasel punk, he would not have risen to the challenge. And who wants to be married to a punk? I sure didn't.

It is not uncommon that family members are angry when they see their beloved family member being abused and mistreated. It would be a tragedy to condemn them for being angry just because they care.

Also, my family's anger towards him dissipated when he went to them and apologized AND demonstrated good treatment of me over a period of time. That is what your husband needs to do. You shouldn't have to tell him to do that, he should be doing that on his own.

I totally agree with you.

Kiss, I hope you're still listening.

If you do all that, and the family still isn't willing to make amends, say a year from now, then we can re-evaluate your approach.

They are still in protect-your-wife mode, in addition to suffering their own pain from your actions. Because you not only failed to protect her, but caused her the worst pain of her life, they stepped in to fill the role that should have been yours.

That doesn't mean that I condone name-calling, or feel like the way they are expressing their anger is the most productive for the 2 of you as a couple. But SOMEBODY has to be the first one to step up and start trying to make peace.

That somebody should be you.