Hi all. Here is my situation.
I have been married almost a year. DH and I were familiar with MB concepts before we got married. We both agree with all the basic concepts but we have been having trouble with follow-through.
Specifically, the biggest problem in my mind is that DH has issues with LB's when he loses control of his emotions, which is frequent. He doesn't scream or really yell and hasn't hit me, but so far he has kicked over a bowl, thrown a plastic spray bottle at me, blocked the door while I was trying to leave and refused to let me go until I threatened to call the police, slammed doors, stomped around, ripped a blanket off of me, and said all kinds of hurtful things that he regretted later. He always apologises but he keeps doing this stuff. This past week I was really sick with a stomach bug, and when I woke him up in the middle of the night to help my find the tylenol because I felt like passing out every time I stood up, he got angry at me for waking him up, then demanded to know why I had left the bathroom door open and why I was wearing his sweatshirt. He made me change into a different one even though I was having chills, then he kicked something and told me how inconsiderate I was being towards him. I have never seen him be so mean and abusive before, and it really scared me. He apologized the following morning, but it doesn't help if he doesn't change something to keep it from happening again.
Aside from that, he seems to make a really big deal complaining about what seem to me like tiny things I don't do to his liking. For example, he's gotten really upset over me leaving lids on too loosely in the pantry, eating the last of the leftovers without asking first if he wanted them, forgetting to clean off the cutting board after using it, or being 10 minutes late to pick him up at work. It's not like he just asks me to do things differently (which I'm willing to negotiate on), but he will continue to be upset about them for an hour or more after I've already apologised.
We have not been successful in implementing 15 hours of UA, and he complains a lot that I don't spend enough time with him. However, he hardly ever asks me on a date in advance (in spite of me asking him to) because he says he hates planning and it's too hard for him because of his ADD. When I do spend time with him, he's often on his phone half the time surfing the internet, or he wants to go home early because he's tired or hot. When we actually do things together, I initiate it much of the time.
His main complaint about me, other than that I don't spend enough time with him, and small complaints like I listed above, is that I don't have a job yet (this has only come up recently). Our finances are not bad as he's got an excellent job, but he has a ton of student and other debt that he's worried about paying off, plus he's just an anxious person in general. I really want to find a job, but it's hard for me to even think about it when I'm so stressed out already with our marriage and all the housework. I moved to a new city for his job shortly after we married and I don't know anybody here yet, which makes job searching harder.
My dad and my best friend both like him, but don't think I should put up with his behavior anymore and offered to help me if I wanted to separate. Personally, there are a number of things I love about him, and I want the marriage to work, but I'm getting close to running out of energy.
So I guess my question is, is it worth the money for the online/coaching program (which will probably cause H even MORE stress about the finances), or is this marriage not worth saving in the first place? Will it even help? He is willing to do the program with me and also to pay for it. I think he's not unwilling to change, but it seems like he's not sure how and he has trouble sustaining the motivation to work on stuff in a consistent manner.
Thanks for the input.
EDIT: here's a summary...
-Married under a year
-H has anger management/LB issues
-Says he wants to change but doesn't quite seem to know how
-Is the online program worth trying?
Last edited by pinkelephant; 05/14/12 12:46 PM.