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Joined: May 2012
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OP
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Divorced 2 years ago, and started dating a friend after her husband moved out to be with his secretary. 1.5 great years of dating her, but been rocky last few months so we started to go to couples counseling 3 months ago. This weekend gave her a mothers day present from my kids and she broke down and said she was confused about if she loved me as a brother or husband and broke up with me. I have read that rebound relationships usually don't work out. Think I still try????
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Oh no, I would not try anymore! While you are trying to make an unsuitable relationship work out, you are missing out on finding a woman who adores you and does a better job of meeting your needs.
Dr Harley recommends dating at least 30 people to get a good idea of what it takes to make you the happiest. The more people you date, the more likely you will be to find a partner that does a GREAT job of meeting all your needs!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Divorced 2 years ago, and started dating a friend after her husband moved out to be with his secretary. 1.5 great years of dating her, but been rocky last few months so we started to go to couples counseling 3 months ago. This weekend gave her a mothers day present from my kids and she broke down and said she was confused about if she loved me as a brother or husband and broke up with me. I have read that rebound relationships usually don't work out. Think I still try???? Was she divorced from her 1st husband when you started dating?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 5
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Is she divorced from him now?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: May 2012
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Are you married to her now? Or still dating?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: May 2012
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No, just dating for 2 years. I know the danger of rebounding but I've know her for 10 years and she was very ready to leave her husband after multibale affairs,but I guess she was not over the pain of that until later in our dating. Just really stinks as my kids really lover her as do I.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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My rule is if you need couples counseling while you're dating, you probably shouldn't be dating that person. You can know someone for years, but that's not the same as being in a romantic relationship with them. Just like being in a romantic dating relationship isn't the same as being married.
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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Joined: Nov 2010
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No, just dating for 2 years. I know the danger of rebounding but I've know her for 10 years and she was very ready to leave her husband after multibale affairs,but I guess she was not over the pain of that until later in our dating. Just really stinks as my kids really lover her as do I. My friend I know it hurts but at least you didn't get married and have children. She was still M when you got with her so take it as a lesson learned. No women that are still married and/or haven't just ended a relationship. Stick around here because Marriage Builders has tons of tools to make your next relationship one "to last a lifetime". Welcome to Marriage Builders. Some excellent reading material on here if you're interested.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Dr Harley recommends dating at least 30 people to get a good idea of what it takes to make you the happiest. The more people you date, the more likely you will be to find a partner that does a GREAT job of meeting all your needs! HEY! .. I started dating my wife at 15 and married her at 18... she was my 2nd girl friend. I am still with her today! (34 now) so I do not necessarily agree with what dr. harley says about dating. Just sayin... MNG
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Rob,
Here's what you do...
Take her at her word, that she is confused and needs to break up.
I assume you told her how special the last 1.5 years have been and how you will always cherish them. Wish her joy and fulfillment and give her a heartfelt goodbye.
Then go dark...no calls, no emails, no texts. Move on with your life and even date some other people.
If it was meant to be and she has deep feelings for you, then she will come to that conclusion from suddenly being without you and will come running back.
If it wasn't, then this is a great way to end the relationship. Win/win situation.
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Joined: May 2012
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Thanks, Professional recommended 6 months and then revisit. She is beyound confused, her marriage was the worst, but she stayed with it because she made a vowl in front of God and the x totally took advantage. Been trying to prove that not all guys are like that but as we have gotten closer she has freaked. She actually thinks once I get a ring on her finger I'll take advantage even though I may be co-dependent or at least put the needs of my X or my girlfriend well before mine. I've been told that does not work.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Thanks, Professional recommended 6 months and then revisit. She is beyound confused, her marriage was the worst, but she stayed with it because she made a vowl in front of God and the x totally took advantage. Been trying to prove that not all guys are like that but as we have gotten closer she has freaked. She actually thinks once I get a ring on her finger I'll take advantage even though I may be co-dependent or at least put the needs of my X or my girlfriend well before mine. I've been told that does not work. That's why you need to cut your losses and she needs to get healthy. Read this by Dr. Harley How the co-dependency has ruined marriages
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Oct 2009
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No, just dating for 2 years. I know the danger of rebounding but I've know her for 10 years and she was very ready to leave her husband after multibale affairs,but I guess she was not over the pain of that until later in our dating. Just really stinks as my kids really lover her as do I. I'm sorry, rob, but she's let you know that she doesn't want to marry you. It's good that you know this now.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I would move on. She needs to deal with her baggage and you don't need the drama, nor do your kids. Take some time to heal and no more married women!
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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