I mentioned feeling the peace of Plan B, and I mean it. It's there. It's not overwhelming at this stage, but it's like I can see an end to all this mess. (Not that my marriage will be restored or that it will end in divorce - still not sure what to expect there). It's this peace of knowing that I won't be stuck here forever. I won't feel this hurt forever. I won't live in my parents's home forever. I won't be in limbo forever. I'll continue to get stronger and become a better person with or without Pastor in my life. And I'm starting to genuinely hope that same thing for him.
Sometimes.

My Bible study, journaling and prayer times have been solid lately. And so energizing! Not only have I been reassured of God's love for me, but that He has that same love for Pastor! And He is showing it to him in personal ways on a daily basis. He is trying to draw Pastor close to Himself just like He's drawing me close to Him. And it's up to Pastor - and Pastor only - to accept that. If he doesn't - nothing could be sadder. But I can rest easy knowing that Pastor's decisions do not rest on my shoulders. His life is his own that I have no control over. And he can't control mine.
That's liberating for me!

When I first discovered FWH's adultery, we had just moved to a remote island in the middle of the Atlantic ocean three weeks earlier. We had no car, no internet (for a few days)no telephone, none of our own stuff, and was just beginning to make the acquaintance of a couple of people. In short, I had not felt so alone nor so isolated in all my life. Since it was fall,the winds howled depressingly around our brick government house and sounded as mournful as I felt inside.

I had no one to talk to about this, (no Internet during that week of horror, so I didn't know about MB or exposure) but as I trudged here and there in great sadness, I began to sense God's presence and He was very comforting. I knew, like you do, that He loved me in an unchangeable way and that He loved FWH and also mourned for us. I just knew that God mourned with me.

Within a couple of days, I decided to seek comfort and guidance at our chapel. The chaplain was so kind, but what I remember is him having to ask me a couple of times, "I'm so sorry, what is your name again, ma'am?" I felt so alone and deeply longed to be in a place where I could be loved and KNOWN!

But all along, I knew that God was holding me in the palm of His hand, no matter what happened. The adultery was devastating to me, but I, like you, knew I could depend on God to carry me through, whatever the outcome of my marriage.

It's great that you have wonderful supportive parents who seem to "get" what you are trying to do.

After we were a few months into recovery, and I was still aching in my heart, I took a walk on one of the lovely trails here. It was so green and beautiful and peaceful. I was praying as I walked along, "God will I ever get over this pain? When??? I hate feeling like this, God. Why did you bring us to this island, so far away, so remote? You knew I'd be going through this and took me away from everything; why?"

I sensed a whispering in reply, "I brought you here, because I know you love to see My beauty."

He took my eyes off my pain and I looked around me at the world God brought me to. Green, green, green pastures and trees and flowers and clean air. He had created perfection, and I could soak in it and take from it and rest in it.

May God continue to encourage and strengthen you and bring you peace.

Thanks for the encouragement LWFH.

I received quite the compliment from a close friend today. We'd been talking on the phone and she said she noticed I seemed to be more like the "old" me. Like I was peaceful and happy. She said I'd been a "Debbie Downer" the past month or so and she could tell bitterness was really setting in. (It certainly was!) She said she could tell a difference in me just from talking over the phone.
Yay!
Plan B is helping me be ME. I AM getting stronger.

I don't even want to think about what a mess I'd be if God hadn't brought me to MB and all you fabulous people. Been reading up on some threads and your strength and transparency inspire me every day!

I'm so glad you're sharing these things with the board. Not only does it help you, but it also is a testament to the wisdom of a proper Plan B and may be just what another newbie needs to read. You're doing great!

WHIP, glad you're seeing some relief from the black mood that infidelity brings. Cling to your children, and their welfare as the path you need to follow.

That said, your Plan B needs some tuning:


My point is NOT that you should not post such things, but that you'll be so much better off when you don't even think such things.

You'll get there. Especially with your superb IM!

Whip, I haven't posted to you before, or at all for a while. I just have to say that your continuing referral to your WAYWARD husband as "Pastor" hits me wrong. He is a WH and does not deserve the endearment or respect of being called Pastor. When I talk about our Pastor, I get a feeling of warmth, safety and I am talking about God's loyal servant. I wish you would lose that respect for him, as he has lost his for you. If you could call him WH, it might help you in your Plan B. I may be blasted for this post, but I think putting him in the pile of WH's is where he belongs. Let him earn his FWH status and the regain his Pastor status when he can behave as one. I think you are doing great, btw. GF

You are so right! I will not be one to "blast" you for this post at all. I have lost respect for him and the nickname isn't an endearing one at all. I use it sarcastically, as a degrading one actually, which is not healthy and definitely unscriptural! Even to the point of being skeptical of the integrity of other pastors at churches I've been visiting. Yuck! Not good for me.
Thanks for the honesty - I needed to hear it and will stop referring to him with the respectful nickname.

NeverGuessed - reading your post was kind of hard for me, but I do appreciate it.
I've re-read it a few times. I'm always open to learning more (even when it's hard) and realize I still have a long way to go.

"I spend your sweat today, so I may spare your blood tomorrow!"
- T.J. "Stonewall" Jackson, during the 1862 Shenandoah Valley Campaign

The sooner you can force yourself through the transition period, WHIP, and buffer yourself (with PM's guidance) entirely from a certain negative archaic person, the sooner you can proceed to the place you should be.

*like*

I had the same thing said to me, word for word, so many times.

Still don't know what they're talking about! I've ALWAYS been fabulous - I just got a little bit distracted from it

I like NGs tweaks in your thinking. It takes time but you'll get there.

Come up with a really GOOD wayward nickname for the former man of god. Mines is Softlad, Scottys is Bampot, Peachys was Darth, Caracals is Gollum.

It defines the alien from the memories of the former man.

I suggest "Frollo". The villain of the Hunchback of Notre Dame was also a man of the cloth fond of abusing his position to look better than he was.

I found a few off urban dictionary....keeping with the letter P. POG - cross breed of a pig and a dog. PEGI - a piece of poo that smells really bad. I would NOT pick the second one, but it made me giggle so i thought i would share.

...or how about "Nap" from "negative archaic person" ?

or maybe 'the wolf'

(as in sheep's clothing)

A man who appears a certain way on the outside (pastor, leader of the flock towards spiritual goodness) and is actually cheating on his wife and trying to appear not to be doing so.

"Lobo"?

Some great comments here. I really like the idea of giving WH a name to separate H from the alien they have become.

I've decided to call my WH Isildur from Lord of the Rings. I thought it was an appropriate comparison:

Isildur's refusal to end the A destroy the Ring allowed OW's Sauron's spirit to endure and insured the A would remain a threat to their Marriage and Family's happiness that he would remain a threat to Middle-earth for years to come, but his bloodline survived and his faithfull wife called upon all her strength and defeated the evil power of OW and slay the Dragon of Infidelity ending the War of Adultery. in the D�nedain of the North and his heirs would help end Sauron's power in the War of the Ring.

It was also fun being creative, a good outlet, I see why Indiegirl enjoys translating wayward babble.

These. Are. Brilliant!

And so very appropriate.
Biblically, God would oftentimes grant his followers name changes after they experienced a changing encounter with The Almighty. (Abram=Abraham, Jacob=Israel, Saul=Paul, etc.)

Wonderful idea Indie!
So far I'm a fan of Frollo.
Or PEGI - that one cracked me up!!!
NG - reading your earlier post of "certain negative archaic person" gave me a nice chuckle, too.
I'm going to do some thinking tonight and see what I can come up with.

Happy66 - I'm with ya. I really like this idea. Your writing on Isildur was quite creative.

I'm just not getting it NG . . . but what does "Lobo" mean?

It's spanish for wolf. As in wolf in sheep's clothing I guess?

Aha! Got it.