I'm so sad. My husbands underwear is covered in lipstick only on the crotch area and no where else.

This all started yesterday when my husband was nervously looking at my newly done laundary pile in the living room that was not sorted yet. He just blurted out out very randomly that his underwear had red stuff on it. I was pretty confused because I didn't know why he was telling me this. I was thinking that the red clothes may have bled into his underwear. I asked him why he just blurted it out. He said he just was telling me. I was like...Ok?

He then proceeded to tell me that he had told me about this same pair last week with the same "stain" on them and that I acknowledged what he said. I can be an airhead at times, but something like that would stick out to me just like it did this time. So I seriously doubt that he had already told me last week.
I thought about it and I asked him when he told me last week, like was it morning when I was sleeping or evening and what room were we in. We have a small house, he should have been able to tell me something like that. He got mad and said he didn't know.All he could say is that it was not in the morning when I was sleeping. You could tell me anything in the morning and I won't remember it. I think he should be able to tell me when it was he told me that. I definitly would remember that.

I asked him what he did with the underwear last week after he supposidly told me about the underwear being stained. He said he through them in the wash. I asked him why he didn't show me if it was such a big deal but he couldn't answer that. He just looked away. He was literally talking to me with his eyes looking the other direction.

I asked why he showed me this time. He said that last week he put them in the wash again and they ended back up in the laundary pile. He took this pair of underwear from the laudary pile without looking at them and put them with his clothes for work for the next morning. He said that he noticed the spot on them again yesterday morning and put them back in the dirty laundary again. I washed what was on top of the dirty laudary pile yesterday.
When he saw the pile of laudary that is when he told me about the underwear and we've come full circle to him telling me about the stain.

Honestly, he didn't tell me about them last week. He says he put them in the wash and then this week he saw the stain again and put them back in the wash. Something isn't adding up! Why would he even tell me about this? I really feel confused.

The stain isn't red it looks more like a pearly pink, even after the wash. I'm pretty sure that lipstick does NOT come out in the wash because it is usually oil based. Also, it wasn't me and it isn't even my color. The "stain" goes is only on the outside part of the underwear not the inside.Its right at the top of the underwear, you know, in the right place!No where else on the underwear. A true stain of something else would have gone all the way through, like juice or something.
I could take pics. I'm really sad today and I just feel devastated. I have a lot going on in my life right now and this is all I needed.

If this isn't in the right section please feel free to move it. I am considering getting a forensic examination of them if possible. It may seem like overkill, but if its not lipstick then why be sad about it, right?

Please help and please be kind. I'm really upset.

Welcome and sorry for what has brought you here.

Ok so you need to start snooping and figure out who this OW is.

Can you put a GPS and a VAR on his car?

Can you check cell phones? Email?

I know you're hurting right now but we can give you a plan.

Hi, thank you so much for responding to me. Its hard to go on with my day but I have to because I have children(5 to be exact) 2 are babies and are right here with me.

To answer your questions, a GPS wouldn't give me much because he's an electrician and drives his truck to work and then leaves it there and takes his company van. I seriously doubt he would or even can drive anywhere with the van since he says his boss keeps good tabs on him. Thats only what he tells me though.

As far as cell phones go, his is a compnay phone. His boss is pretty relaxed about it though. I noticed he was turning it off when he came in. I wondered why. I asked him to leave it on and he did for a few days, but then he started turning it off again. If there is a way to snoop on that I would like to.

Its possible to get a GPS for his truck though. There have been a couple of questionable time where he left for work early with no reason. When I called him, he didn't pick up and he basically told me I'm crazy and was seeing the clock wrong. Who knows, maybe he's meeting someone on the way to work for a quickie.

Before I would have been so broken about this, almost too much to go on, now I feel strong, I'm ready to know the truth. I'm sad, but I'm ready.

We will help you. Follow the plans and your feelings will follow actions.

Read this you're in what we call Plan A Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Can you hire a PI? What kind of phone does he have?

What does he say the stain was from?

The bad news is your spouse is having an affair.

The good news is he shows evidence of being the most incompetent "secret-keeper" we've had here for a while.

Who knows, maybe he's meeting someone on the way to work for a quickie.

The GPS will reveal this by the end of this week, my friend. Get this done!

18, I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're going to be fine. Promise!

We need you to be Jane Bone, sweetie. Snoop while smiling and while telling him he looks cute. You sound strong I am sure you can do it.

Be blase to lower his suspicions that you've figured it out. Ignore the weird, mad, bad stuff he says. Affair stress and guilt and addiction makes people foggy. The good news is it makes them stupid and easy to catch.

I would install GPS in his car and I would put a VAR in there also as its likely he calls her from the car and you could overhear something useful

A keylogger on computer might also get you passwords and emails.

I think you've got a pretty predatory OW there too who is trying to stake her claim.

I don't think her lipstick got there by mistake, I think that was for you to find. I also think he turns his phone off so she won't call while he's with you.

Try turning it on surreptitously when he goes the bathroom and be ready to answer if it rings.

This may get you a phone number to work off and it could also cause trouble in the A for her to hear you if she's possessive. Its a long shot but could happen

If he wonders how come the phone is on, just shrug and say its his phone. Hell think he's going mad.

I was just able to sneak back on. I'll check in later.

I wasn't able to load the site earlier for some reason and started posting somewhere else.

*** EDIT ***

Personally Identifiable Information.

I vote lipstick marks.

I say lipstick marks too.

Keep it under your hat though. You need to snoop for OW and discover who she is, so don't blow your cover. Act unassuming and unsuspicious and Plan A your heart out.

The key to busting up this A is discovering who, what, where, when.

You need to get the info fast. Good news is he's not brain of the century right now and will likely slip up soon. Get a PI if you have to.

Looking at the photos it seems likely the stain is lipstick marks. I agree with an earlier post, seems OW is predatory and has deliberately left her mark for you to discover.

Listen to the advice of the vets and other experienced posters, they will help guide you through Plan A. Any time you feel sad, disheartened or angry post here, you will find encouragement and support. Better to vent here than AO (angry outbursts) or DJ (disrespectful judgements)

It would seem that the OW is leaving her mark. I don't understand
1. why they were on the outside of the underwear and not the inside. The stain doesn't go all the way through.
2. Why he was so quick to point this out.
3. why he is now insisting on a forensic test. This really baffles me. He called me this morning to say to get on it.

I think it's pretty clear what the marks are and it is also clear that your husband is totally freaked out and grasping at straws to try and explain it away.

Here's the good news...he sucks at covering his tracks, feels enormous panic that you're discovering him, and is probably very new in this infidelity and has not learned to lie and gaslight yet. If you can kill this affair there is a good chance you can lead you husband to recovery.

Find out who this woman is and crush it immediately! Look at cell phone records, there is probably a number he calls or texts all the time.

You may not get anything with a voice activated recorder or GPS right now because he is likely too freaked out to chance seeing her.

He has a work van. He leaves his truck at work but he has to be in it for about 60 min a day. His boss issued his cell phone to him. He says his boss checks it out, but either way, I cannot get the records without some major fraud. I can't call up the phone company and pretend to be his boss, I wish I could. VAR is my best bet.

cover up...

play this cool, why is he suggesting forensics? did you say something about it?

does he have his own tool box that he takes to work or a clothes bag? these may be riskier to plant a var, but something to think about.

you need to get hold of that phone. when he comes in a puts it down grab it without him seeing and say you are going for a walk then find the numbers or texts most called. or in the middle of the night you get up and go get it. if he says wheres my phone say "i dont know where did you put it?"

if you get it and are able to install a spyware program on it even better, one with GPS would solve the van problem.

if not get the gps for his truck. if he leaves really early is there any way you can follow him? does he come home from work late? - follow him after work.

does he use the computer? keylogger...

check your bank recep. for ATM withdrawals, or other purchases.

he is playing dumb, looking back over the years my H did the same thing. if only i told someone about the little things and i would hope they would have told me to snoop.

1. Because she used her lips to take them off and that's why they are on the outside.
2. He thinks he is out smarting you by "trying to play oftenes instead of defense.
3. Same as above.

Any luck on Intel of finding who OW is? Do you have a friend who can follow him? GPS?

I agree. With luck he is not 'hardened' to you yet and the A is not entrenched but you must act FAST.

18yg, I'm sorry you have to be here, but you've come to the right place.

Possible answers to your questions: The lipstick marks were on the outside of his underwear because...oh, how to put this delicately...it was foreplay, leading up to removal of the underwear.
He is insisting on a forensic test because you pretty much destroyed the evidence when you washed his underwear.

I'm sorry. You need to do some serious snooping. I would suggest that you play it cool, be at your best and hire a PI. You will find out the facts quickly.

Serious snooping, I agree.

You need to be a swan for a few weeks, 18. Beautiful and smooth and unruffled above the surface and working busily beneath,

Do you know how to Plan A?