Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 18 of 48 1 2 16 17 18 19 20 47 48
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,474
Likes: 5
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,474
Likes: 5
So rs with all the good that happened today exposure would be good tonight.

Get while the gettn' is good.

When are you exposing?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
You are simply awesome! weightlifter

Now get on that exposure.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
Yes, I will! I want to make sure he gets served with the PO first, so my kids and I are safe. I expect him to lose it a little:) Or a lot. She will be FREAKING out at him to, "Do something! Stand up for me! Defend my honor!" Yes, I've heard that more than once from OW. Slightly humorous, isn't it?


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Defend my honor! Ha ha...haha! No seriously!

Tell me another one.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
I just saw your posts, BH and TW. Do you think I should expose tonight? He doesn't know about the PO yet. Hasn't been served. And if he stays on schedule, he will be with OW this weekend - don't' want them together conspiring against me, and him trying to "fix" it all for her, especially if he doesn't have PO yet.

Do you all still think I should expose tonight???

And can I message more than one person at a time? She has like 400 fb friends. Or just 1 every 60 seconds? That'll be a looonnng night. Longer day for her the next day, though, wink wink.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
Do you know when he will be served or at least have a general idea? I would maybe wait until he gets served just so that you are protected. I could easily be wrong and will be corrected if so.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by karmasrose
Defend my honor! Ha ha...haha! No seriously!

Tell me another one.


Can you believe she says that? She's written it in letters even. Which she signs, "your angel." Angel of death. Can you say, "sociopathic narcissistic nymphomaniac?" Who wouldn't kill for this woman, seriously? dramaqueen


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
It would probably be better to expose now, than to wait.

That way, the fallout happens before the PO. I don't want anything to happen, but any backlash from him might give you time to get extra evidence to back the PO before it's put into effect.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by TigerWes
Do you know when he will be served or at least have a general idea? I would maybe wait until he gets served just so that you are protected. I could easily be wrong and will be corrected if so.

They told me between 2 days up to as long as a week. He is out of town, I think until Friday, but maybe only until tomorrow (not with OW for once). I was thinking wait for that too. I dunno, though.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by karmasrose
It would probably be better to expose now, than to wait.

That way, the fallout happens before the PO. I don't want anything to happen, but any backlash from him might give you time to get extra evidence to back the PO before it's put into effect.

This is a temporary PO. I have to go to a court hearing on May 31st (and face him) to get a permanent one. If he violates the temporary PO after he's been served with it and before I go to the hearing for a permanent one, that is a VERY good thing for me (assuming he doesn't kill me:) because they will almost surely grant the permanent one in that situation. So, I almost kinda hope it really does tick him off, and that I'm protected, and it works against him in that time frame. No? I admit I'm feeling all gung-ho right now. But trying to think logically too - art of war. Don't rush into battle unprepared.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,474
Likes: 5
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,474
Likes: 5
I would expose tonight. Hit family from her facebook and people who are married.

You don't have to do all 400 but do a big chunk.

Originally Posted by Melodylan's Exposure 101
Should be done to the OP�s facebook friends via private message. This is a very, very effective exposure because it is a collection of the OP�s closest friends and family. SPACE THE PM�S OUT 60 SECONDS APART SO FB DOES NOT SHUT YOU DOWN FOR FLOODING. Before you begin, copy and paste all the contacts into a WORD doc. Change your fb picture to a picture of you and your spouse and children.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
How far away is his business trip?


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
Okay, how safe would you feel if you did this right now without the protection order served?

This, IMO, is the one thing that has to be considered.

If you feel okay with it, then launch that puppy.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
What do you have on your plate this week, Rainy? I'd probably wait if you need to finish out the school/work week or have a lot going on. Once exposure starts it can take a toll on your time. Get some rest.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
RS, If you exposed tonight, could you & kids stay with family for a while?


Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14

"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
We could camp out on my parents' floor, but not far away, and not any safer. He'd go there in a heartbeat, has before. And the kids would complain - not comfortable. And my parents would have more anxiety than they already do about all of this - not something I want to do to them if I can avoid it.

WH is only about 3 hours away, and I could totally see him storming up here in a rage. I'm a teacher - if he barrels into my workplace, it's a little more traumatic than an office job or something. Yes, they lock outside doors, but kids come in and out from portables, etc. - if he wanted to get in undetected, he could. I just took 2 1/2 days off trying to get the PO. I really can't afford to take more time off. My youngest son also goes to my school - he's in a portable outside, easier to get to if WH sets his mind to it.

I would love to get it over with. But I would fear for my safety. But then, he's kept me afraid of him for a long time, and I'm tired of it.

I would kind of like to finish out the school/work week as BR said. I'm worn out from dealing with all the PO stuff, and my daughter has a party here tomorrow night that we planned awhile ago - can't make her cancel it. But I don't want to lose my courage.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
I think I answered my own question. As much as I would feel a lot of relief in just getting this over with, and he is out of town, I just have no idea of what he is capable of right now. I do not know what he would/would not do. He is only 3 hours away, and if he came barreling up here in the morning, he would arrive smack in the middle of a work day for me.

If there is even the slightest possibility that I could be putting other people's children in danger, then I have to wait. I am responsible for 24 little souls every day - their emotional and physical well-being while they are in my care. I can't put them at risk, even if it's only a slight risk. And I'm not sure that it is. It could be a major risk.

So even my safety and my children's aside, I can't risk him storming into my school or classroom.

I'll wait. Thanks, all.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
Have you.changed the locks?


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 568
He never lived here. The kids and I moved into our own house 4 months ago. He has no key, doesn't know the garage door code - I just changed it again to be safe, and we lock the inside garage door too. There's a broom handle in the sliding door. He can't get in without breaking in, which would cause big problems for him.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Then go ahead and finish out the week. Rest up a bit. You will want to be available if anyone close to your WH asks for more details.

By portable, do you mean one of those classrooms out back behind the school where it's basically just a trailer? You may want to personally speak to his teacher if you are concerned your WH may do something.

Do not let fear of him rule you. But then...it does not look like you will.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Page 18 of 48 1 2 16 17 18 19 20 47 48

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 87 guests, and 55 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Ludwighench, holderroger508, Seraphinang, ScreamArt, BibleBeliever
71,918 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Advice pls
by BrainHurts - 12/24/24 02:50 PM
Question for those who have done coaching
by Blackhawk - 12/12/24 11:08 PM
Newbie here. Advice appreciated. MLC??
by Dynamiq - 12/06/24 05:02 PM
Separation
by BrainHurts - 11/27/24 08:59 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,619
Posts2,323,475
Members71,919
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5