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Therapy is a distraction at a time when the focus should be on the marriage. The focus should be on the WH's shabby boundaries around woman and his inability to man up and accept responsibility for his affairs.

The WH also needs to accept responsibility for abusing his wife with his affairs. A wayward who blames others for his affairs is a hopeless cause unless he puts on his big gurl pants and takes responsibility.

The reason you had affairs is because you are a serial cheater who has pisspoor boundaries around women. Lots of people don't get their needs met in marriage, they don't run out and act like weasels.

Your wife should not touch you with a 10' pole until you take responsibility for your affairs and radically change your lifestyle. You are dangerous to her until that happens.

What have you done to change the environment that allowed you to have affairs? Have you opened up your life to your wife? Have you ended all opposite sex friendships? How can she be assured you are safe?

Why did you run away from here? I'm not sure what your original post was, but I'm guessing you were blaming everything else but yourself for your behaviour.

Not at all. I came here for an answer to a sincere question about how to go about counseling, MelodyLane decided to jump to conclusions, mostly ignore my question and go on the attack/offense, and I withdrew. It's not worth my time to interact with anyone who can't be respectful to someone like me who sincerely wants to work on a relationship and gets attacked from the beginning. I've dealt with enough abuse and neglect in my life. I don't really need any more.

Amor, you were not "attacked, you were told the truth. You were not "abused" you are the abuser. Adultery is as traumatic as rape and you have done that to your wife multiple times and still take no accountability. You are dangerous to your wife until you man up and take accountability. That is not an "attack," it is the truth.

If you want counseling, then contact the Harleys. You will not find them to come from a different angle than MelodyLane, however.

If you want to waste your time and your wife's time exploring why your history as a victim of neglect and abuse caused you to commit adultery, then you seek the vast majority of counselors on the market today.

The solution to true abuse from a spouse is to separate from that spouse until they can get through anger management/the courts. MB states abuse in a marriage (physical abuse) should be met with temporary physical separation for safety reasons. If your abuser is not your spouse, then I fail to see the relevance to your adultery.

Some of us here were victims of neglect and/or abuse but do not commit adultery. The difference comes from maintaining proper boundaries within our marriage, nurturing our marriages, and holding personal accountability rather than blaming our past or others for our actions.

Again, I don't know your original post, so I have no idea what really happened aside from that you have committed adultery.

Okay, you are not making sense to me. You came here looking for counseling and MelodyLane is telling you, free of charge, what Dr. Harley, who has successfully counseled marriages for several decades (in an industry where most counselors are not successful), would say. You are getting free counseling, dude! This is exactly what you say you came here looking for. Moreover, you said days ago on another thread you were looking for counselors using the Marriage Builders method -- well here it is!

Please replace your original post, and please consider seriously what MelodyLane has to say: the important thing at this stage of the game is to establish extraordinary precautions so that you will be safe to recover with. Until then any further counseling will just be a way for you to manipulate your wife into accepting an unsafe situation.

Counselling is a waste .... marriage counsellors DO NOT know how to restore love in marriage ... if anything they facilitate and aid in the destruction of marriages more than anything. With an 84% failure rate and the highest rate of divorce of any occupation would that not make you wonder if counsellors are any help at all? 99% of the time you come out feeling worse than you went in.

The marriage builders program is your BEST CHANCE to recover your marriage. You should stick around, do a ton of reading here .. and then ask some questions.

I would get "surviving an affair" book and "his needs her needs" and "lovebusters" for your spouse. Also I suggest you use the coaching center as one session with the Harleys will be 1000x more productive than going to an MC and be money well spent.

MNG

I agree. We tried MC before I found MB. She helped run our marriage into the ground, big time. We'd tried before in the past, also. No MC ever helped. Do a phone session with the Harley's.