There are several others, too. BigKahuna comes to mind. In this situation, the WW has been gone a long while and it looks like she has evolved way beyond this affair. I wanted to also point out that no one is ever "ready" for divorce. But it is better to file for divorce so that you don't have to do it all over again if the affair does not end. You can't lose by filing for divorce, because if the WS does not change, you will end up divorced. And if he does change, you can always drop the divorce.

I wasn't aware that BigK matched that profile - the only two I was aware of were MortarMan and MyWifeILove. It's good to know there were others.

Even still, Hap needs to legally protect himself, his children, his finances, and move on with life. Plan D.

Please understand that my "point-zero-zero-NOTHING" phraseology was done for effect. Yes, there will be the glorious success, as those mentioned demonstrate, but I'll add a little stinker to the stew: Those cases are NOT recent. I've been here over two years, and zippo, nada, nyenka in that time.

Society is evolving folks, and not for the better. Skank-ho WWs are not "shunned" anymore. (Nor are WHs - if they ever were - but that's for a different thread.) SMM's PRIEST, for the love of God, could not bestir himself to strip SMM's WW of her duties as a Eucharistic Minister!

The effect of exposure to friends and family is not having the devastating effect on current WWs that is desired. And seriously, once WW moves out to shack up with POSOM, what can "exposure" do to her that she has not happily done to herself?

Society has not "evolved" to something completely different since the recovery of several marriages on this forum in recent years. BHs have as much chance as other marriages so there is no reason to not try. In this case, his situation is so far gone that I think he really needs to file for divorce and go into plan b. He can't lose that way.

Any affair where the WS has moved out is going to be harder to resolve because by the time a WS moves out, the affair is very entrenched. Sometimes the situation is just too far gone to save. That applies to both WH and WWs. That doesn't mean there still isn't a slight hope, though. IMO, the longer the WS has been out the less likely it is to reconcile.

Sophistry!

Society is evolving
is not refuted by
Society has not "evolved" to something completely different
although the implication is that the first is somehow WRONG since the second is most likely TRUE!

(Do you really believe that society is not evolving?)

And it certain critical areas, a small change can have huge impact on the system as a whole. (The Greeks didn't need to overcome the massive walls of Troy; one opened gate was sufficient!)

Society is not any different today than it was 3 years ago, good grief. The bottom line is that any marriage that is this far gone is going to be hard to come back. The longer the separation, the harder the hill to climb. But the tactics are the same, file for divorce for legal protection and go into Plan B.

Does anyone ever turn around after a D, Melody? Do you see that on here? Or are they just gone - never recover.

It is pretty rare. I think I may have seen it happen a couple of times. Even Harley says that if the affair has not ended or the WS commits to the marriage after 2 years that there is not much hope.

The key factor here is the amount of time that has gone by, not the fact that they are divorced.

Thanks for the advice guys, I am filing for child support for sure and I haven't made up my mind about D yet. I have done consultations with a few diff Attorneys and there is no way I can afford one. My wife and the OM are no longer together, I do feel like I am being played maybe a little. All I hear from her is " I need to time to think" and " I need to make up my own mind about what I want to do". Does these strike as alarming to anyone else? Is that just the classic stall tactic? Or is there merit on what she is saying? She also told me that she hasn't forgiven herself yet for having the affair, that strikes me as line crap.

Your wife may not be in contact with OM #1, but she is catting around with someone. I would most definitely file for divorce at this point if I were you. You can't go wrong and you should do it now while she is more interested in catting around. You can use her abandonment to get a legal advantage perhaps get so.e custody of your children.

And she doesn't need time to think; she needs time to cat around while keeping you as an option on the side.

It is called "fog babble".

Ignore it, continue to work your plan.

I do feel like I am being played maybe a little.

You are being played A LOT!

" I need to time to think" and " I need to make up my own mind about what I want to do".

If your wife were thinking straight she would not need time to think. She should be thinking about the damage that she has done to your family.

She also told me that she hasn't forgiven herself yet for having the affair, that strikes me as line crap.

It is a line a crap! You can't forgive yourself for something that you have not even owned up to and taken accountability for.

My wife and the OM are no longer together...

Interesting (if true) but irrelevant to your situation. The point is that she is not (nor appears to desire to be) with YOU! Whether she is basking in the adoration of OM#1, or planning/hoping to do the same with OM#2, she has written you out of her life-script.

All I hear from her is "I need to time to think" and " I need to make up my own mind about what I want to do".

Plugging this into my proprietary human-to-skank translation software, what came back was, "I need to dissuade HW from taking control of his life," and "I need to forestall having to pay child support so I can retain my finances for me, ME, ME!"

How about you commit to a schedule, HW? What day, with no MASSIVE, VERIFIABLE change in WW's selfish attitude (on the order of moving back home, and begging for your forgiveness) will you then begin the dissolution process? Today is 17 May 2012. You pick the day NOW, and we'll help you prepare for it.

Reminder: She's ruined a year already. That's roughly 2% of your adult life.

I guess I will read up on abandonment. We both split, I needed to separate to clear my head and the decision was mutual that we split up. Just so happens she moved in with at that time afterwards. Now she only sees the kids 10 hrs a week. Is that abandonment? I do apologize for any stupid questions I am asking. This is all new to me.

Typically, leaving your family so you can go shag your boyfriend is considered abandonment.

The first step is to quit making excuses for your wife's neglect and selfishness. Not a stupid question at all but now that you know the truth it is time to take actions that aren't stupid.

I'm no lawyer but it sounds like abandonment to me.

Do you have a lawyer? If not get one now.

Read this. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!!!

Oh, for kee-rying-out-loud, NG. Do you really think that harlots are suddenly all the rage?

There have been waywards since God made man. They haven't all been burned at the stake. Nor have they been turned out into the wilderness to forge for themselves. And their spouse knew and couldn't deal with it, like we do today.

Not every wayward had to wear the Scarlet A wardrobe, not by a long shot. A simple dip into history makes that very clear.

We're not as evolved as we like to think.