Thank you for the wishes Pepperband and Mrs_Recon6mo. We did have very nice time and after posting here any thoughts of WH just vanished and I truly enjoyed the time with the kids.

I am having thoughts of taking control back and taking drastic changes in the situation and my approach. I realize that out of fear of financial problems I have not done my best and I have not acted very adequate. I am still thinking of what to do next, but leaving the apartment was a mistake and I believe he has brought her there and that makes me feel sick. Thoughts of fighting back for what is mine are not leaving me alone these days(and nights :)). And if I do I might end up financially on a very bad spot or hopefully I might finally wake up my WH.

I do not have a new IM yet, I just do not have anyone to ask. The friend that was my IM before (and she is not even physically here) has personal issues and I do not feel comfortable bugging her right now. I do not see him - my mother drops the kids downstairs, but she is unable to do the job. She is emotionally drained and she is seeding constant thoughts and doubts in me.

I will update once I decide what and how to do it.

Is there any way you can ask someone from church or from a women's group, or some volunteer social organization to be your IM? Your mother is no IM.

Your father sounds more like someone who will stand up to him, but as a close family member it puts him in a difficult position.

Or maybe a friend that lives far away, who can do the communication per e-mail? This is not good for you personally. And even if you think you can handle it, I can tell you from experience, that if you are stressed out as a mother, the children sense it. You will have more energy in the long run, if you are out of the line of fire, informationwise.

God bless you,

Happyheart

Taking control of yourself and your life without considering WH equals Plan B.

Think of YOUR needs. Not WH's. Don't think about whether your actions will wake WH up. Think about whether this course of action and the consequences will be better for YOU, regardless of WH.

What is up with the IM sitch? Any possibilities?

And a belated

Glad you planned a great day.

I just read my whole thread and WOW I see how weak and how I have let that guy and stupid POSOW step over me and threat me a like a junk for over a year. You guys were trying hard to make me see, but I just kept doing what I was doing. What was wrong with me? I believe I was just too scared of financial issues, of raising 2 tiny kids by myself of failure in life and dreams and hopes and mostly I just did not want to open my eyes and see what the closest person in my life was doing to me and our kids.

What do I have to lose, I just lost it all. My life and everything that I have been living for since I met WH is in ruins. I am trying so very hard to get out of this hole that he pushed me, but it is not easy. When I met him I was still in high school. When I married him I was already studying in college. Managed to start a job while studying and then I got pregnant last year of my studies and never really finished my bachelor. I was raising DS5 and when he became 2 I started a business that was also related to my WH. The business went nowhere and it was sucking energy and finances. Then we bought the apartment, took loan for this and loan for that and at one point things started getting very difficult with money. I got pregnant with DS1 and we moved in the new house. I guess at that point the stress on WH was way too much and he just wanted an escape and POSOW was searching for a new relationship and there it goes.

Right now I am finishing my bachelors and in the same time my masters. I have to start working like ASAP, but before that I got to finish my bachelors, otherwise I will have problems with my masters, but it's taking time. My country's laws (I guess left from the communist times) are not going to protect me financially in any way and I am scared. Mostly I am hurt. I have always been a buyer in my relationship and I guess in anything in life. If I do something I do it with all my effort and heart. He used to be the closest person in my life and I gave him all I had.

Anyway enough is enough, I am going to fight this no-matter where it takes me.

I have figured out the IM issue. I do not want to post more info as I believe my WH or his B!tch are reading my thread.

Really?

Hey you! Infidels!
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
Have you really fallen so low that you'd be reading this thread?
Does Livensi's pain make you feel good?
Really?
Her struggle makes your life meaningful?
Really?
You are the sort of person who likes to twist the knife in someone's back, but you make certain you can still see her face so you can enjoy her pain.
Do her cries of anguish give you goosebumps of pleasure?
What sort of monster have you become?
When you think about your life goals, are being relentlessly cold and cruel on that list?
Do you brag about becoming so mean? So callous? So heartless? So selfish?

Yes?
Your ticket to hell has been paid in full.
Enjoy your slide downwards, you have become your sin.

livensi,

Check your profile. Is that email address current? If so, check it. If not, please update your address.

Thank you.

Good!

Since you seem to know what is threatening you as a co-loaner you should get a laywer - try those who are public/state lawyers, they are not that expensive. Also - ask him advice about the possible divorce and custody proceedings, you should aim full custody. It shouldn't be hard - our country is also post-communist one and these things are very pro moms here anyway, it shouldn't be hard to prove that WH is completeley unreliable and even dangerous.

Don't lose that strength you've gained, sister!

X2

Pep, thanks for that. You are very strong, wise and good person and I am very thankful for your support. Not that it will make any sense to the waywards, but it was nice to read.
I am not 100% sure they are reading it, but have such a feeling cos of a reaction from WH after one of my posts.

As for custody I am not that worried about that, I know I will get it, its the child support and finances that is more worrying. In my country if child support is not agreed by the two spouses the court gives a really ridiculously small amount.

But the biggest insecurity are the loans, as there is no way to get myself out of those. The court cannot change the contract between the bank and us. It seems once you sign as co-loaner that is it, you cant do anything about it. Spoke with few lawyers about that, but will try with one more. Anyway I am sure things will get fixed in one way or another and whether I like it or not I will live with it and go through it.

Thanks Mrs_Recon6mo and BH I am really gaining strength and that is thanks to all the support I am getting here . If it was not for MB I would probably still be abused and let my WH cake eat till he kills me.

X3

What about bankruptcy/insolvency of a private person?

Thanks for the support. I have decided that I am heading to plan D, after my meeting with a lawyer yesterday.


No bankruptcy of a private person yet in my country.

I hope the lawyer had some helpful suggestions Livensi.

Sometimes it feels like as the BW we are caught between a rock and a hard place, especially when all of the hardships we are enduring are not of our choosing.

You can continue to Plan B whilst you Plan D. I actually couldn't imagine going through Plan D with any contact with WH. He would just try to manipulate the situation to his advantage. In the security of Plan B I can make my decisions knowing what is right for me. I know I couldn't do that with contact.

I hope you use your newfound strength to do what is right for you and your children. Hugs to you.