Okay then as soon as you are not living together. Can you start a plan B letter? I think it's a good idea to establish the reason and terms of your plan B -- otherwise the WS just thinks you're being unreasonable and cruel. It's not unreasonable and cruel; it's the only way you can begin to heal. It's also how to teach your kids that it's absolutely right to remove yourself from an abusive situation.

opt

Well this just went to an entirely new level. She has now told her mother she is or has been afraid for her life. This is crazy.

If you do not already HAVE a VAR buy one NOW! PRONTO! For whenever you are forced to be around her.

WWs who start claiming this can get very nasty, just ask PSUBIKER...what state are you in, though?

I agree with some earlier posts, VARs need to be in cars, you need a parenting journal...that parenting journal could save your behind in some places and the VAR in others.

SBT

I also forgot about the addiction your WW has/had is hiding from you better ?

My alcoholic WW broke my plan B several times and usually broke into the house when I was at work.

My then 16 y/o DD and I moved out to an apartment 20 miles away. My DD moved back home after 5 months. I moved back home and I walked into the middle of full raging alcoholic and full blown A with a neighbor 5 houses away.

I would not recommend it to anyone.

Your WW is capable of new low levels you will never understand but the game is munipulate any circumstance to their advantage to anyone anywhere.

YOUR FEELINGS AND CONCERNS ARE NOT EVEN IN HER THOUGHTS. ALL THAT IS THERE IS HOW CAN I GET WHAT I WANT- WHEN I WANT IT?

NO OTHER THOUGHTS WITH IT.

This is not your W. She is an alien in your W's body.

EXPECT anything and everything.

Re-read my post to you on 2-8-12. I HIGHLY suggest you take any and all precautions.

Hang on cause your in for a ride you probably aren't going to like.

Is your MIL still living with you guys and what does she see?

nESRE

I don't know what state you are in but why would you divorce before custody is settled? That seems like a disaster in the making. Your state doesn't have a default custody schedule? Even if you WW moved out and took the children, you would get court ordered visitation. Unless you live in some very weird state, I don't understand what your attorney is telling you or doing for you. No parent is going to get full custody because they don't like the other parent. Do you have a scheduled trial date?

As for 50/50...well you also need to be realistic about what shared custody means for you. Many people get caught up on the term '50/50'...it never is and it's unrealistic to try and count every hour and day the children are with you vs her. Again, there is no standard default for your state that you can start with and modify to give you additional time when you are not working?

As for her latest claim of being scared of you...well considering she lives in the same house and sleeps in the same bed with you, she can't be too scared now can she.

I stated that wrong. I meant we won't have a temperary arrangement before the divorce is final. Mostly because neither of us will leave the kids. I'm not going to allow her to "move out with the children" and accept visitation. Ive been warned that temperary orders become final often.

By 50/50 I do mean at least half time. I'm am and have been a good father and its best for the kids to be at least half influenced by me.

Before I departed, I did tell my step kids(15 and 14 yrs before I departed what was going on...their stepfather is having an affair. I first told them we were having problems he and I only. A lot of folks thought I was horrible for doing that, but it was important to me to let those children know I did not leave because of them and their actions. I did not want the Ex telling those childern I departed because of them. It was not so...stepfather, their Dad had an affair outside of our marriage not me and it was not their fault. He ruined the family we had and despised me I found out later while in the marriage. I took the heat for telling these children the truth, but I believe in telling the truth! The Ex would have told them lies about me which he did anyway.

Any changes SBT? You seem like the rock in this marathon whereas your stbx seems unlikely to maintain her abstinence from destructive behaviors.

Just thinking of you.

opt

We haven't heard from you - hope all is okay.

Sorry I got away from here for a while. Things have taken a very dark and ugly turn. We went through the custody evaluation process and recently got the report from the evaluator. The result made me sick.

In the interviews with the evaluator my oldest daughter said that I was physically abusive with her and all the kids and had an uncontrollable temper. None of you know me so you will have to take my word it that there is absolutely no truth in that.

My oldest son did one better. He claimed my relationship with my youngest daughter was creepy and the way I touched her and talked to her made him wonder if I was a pedophile.

I have a good relationship with my oldest son. We spend a lot of time together. I am very involved with his life. I can't even comprehend where that came from.

Evaluator recommended full custody of the kids to my WW.

Im in shock and have no idea where to go from here.

Btw, these are all lies planted by a WW that is dead set on getting the kids.

Do you have any way to challenge these statements? Have you spoken to your lawyer about this?

Sbt,

Have you documented all this? Can you get this investigated? Can you have your children interviewed by a child psychologist that would be able to tell if it's made Yingli?

What are you doing to fight this?

If it's what?

Brainy, are you all right? Have you had enough sleep today?

SBT, since this is only a recommendation, I would start working on disproving the evaluator's report. Get an independent evaluation. Fight this!

Hopefully some of our men will jump in here and help you.

Since one of the charges is that you have an uncontrollable temper, you might want to consider proactively taking an anger management course just to prove to the authorities that you are serious about being a good parent. There are a lot of courses I found online where the main point is to get through the course, get a certificate that can be presented to court, etc.

You might want to check with a lawyer or someone else first to make sure that doing so won't hurt your case. I don't think it will, but I don't know for sure.

Beyond that, do what princessmeggy said and fight this. Get a bulldog lawyer who will impugn the credibility of the evaluator, get multiple opinions, etc.

I have discussed this with an my attorney. We are putting together a plan. I intend to fight it. I wouldn't calle my atty a bulldog but I think he's good.

I don't have any anger issues. I'll ask my atty about taking the class. I'm concerned that could be seen as an admission of having the problem.

I feel this has been a systematic plan by my WW to alienate me from my kids and now take them completely.

SBT. what I'm thinking you probably won't like to hear, especially in regards to the short term... but I'll take the liberty.

I believe the truth will prevail. Eventually. I believe that with effort, the lies that your ex is promoting, and that she now has your kids promulgating, will fall apart.

I believe that if you continue to live with integrity and in honesty and openness with your children (when you have the opportunity to interact with them), they will grow weary of the deceitful lives they will be living with your ex.

I would continue to keep your side of the street squeaky clean. If you drink, quit. If you smoke, quit. don't date. If you have spirituality keep it. If you can involve yourself with a volunteer organization and donate time, that would be great.

Kids don't want to be surrounded by lies. They want stability and structure. Eventually they will gravitate to that. I truly believe that. I'm just sorry that it's not something that will be easy or happen overnight. In fact, quite the opposite.

opt

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I'm not dating - not even close. I'm tired. We all still live in the same house. I've been fighting for my family for 3 years now. I want to fight but there is a big part of me that just wants this all to be done. Unfortunately that means I get very limited access to my kids. So that reenergizes me and the circle starts all over again...

You may be able to ask for a guardian ad litem for your kids. That is someone who works for the court who represents the children-not anyone else-in matters like these. Ask your lawyer about this. It might help.