Brother, the things you need to do in your situation are stay calm, think, come up with a plan, detach yourself emotionally from the situation, and then take action. Accept that it is HER actions which will cause destruction, not your reaction to those actions.

Exposure is important and your only hope for killing the affair. Gather your evidence first. Put the VAR in her car and record her conversation. That alone will be a huge source of proof. Second, don�t believe a word she says. Where there is smoke there is fire. My WXW swore up and down that she had simply �harmlessly flirted� with other men online and hadn�t done anything else. A spy program on the computer got me the passwords I needed and the truth was that she had gone on dates and had physical contact with one of the men she met online.

So don�t buy her lies.

I think exposure at the school may not get you anywhere because of the unions, but you never know. Expose to her family and to any friends that may be able to put pressure on the affair.

But most of all, draw a line in the sand that YOU deserve better than what is happening.

Document everything and consult an attorney. Her behavior could have a major impact on your ability to get custody if it comes to that.

Exposure at work will put a big damper on her workplace behavior. She will be more inclined to leave that job if they know what she is doing there. Her behavior needs to be flagged and watched especially in a school setting with children.

Can you hire a PI?
Private Investigators

Some waywards need a dose of reality if dday itsself wasnt enough. Some see their life slipping away and enough to end the fantasy. Your wife is not one of these people.

She appears to be knee deep in deviant behavoir which is certainly not breaking any ground on this website. A stark look at life without her doormat of a husband enabling her lifestyle is what us needed.

I think its important to know in your mind that you tried to save your marriageeven of you're unsuccessful.

Thanks for all the advice I appreciate everybody giving me there time. We are about to have a clear the air chat but I've all but made my decision to leave.

Even now I don't want to go unfortunately for me I love my wife the downside is she doesn't want me.

The lies and deceit are too much for me to take. I'm a humble guy who fell in love and still am in love after 17 years. I have 3 wonderful children who don't deserve any of this.

DaddyCool,

I think most of us can understand and agree with you for wanting to go to separation/divorce.

That's fine - but please see a lawyer and do not leave your children. You can file for separation and demand custody/exclusive use of the marital home. Just because you feel your marriage is over, does not mean you roll over and take whatever else she wants to throw at you. Do not abandon your children.

Do not leave your 3 little kids in a home with someone who is very open to allowing 'swingers' into her life.

I have no intention of abandoning my kids. I live in the UK and the legal system is heavily in favour of the female party irrelevant of what she has done.

I'm sat here now still praying that she is going to snap out of it and want me again. I know wishful thinking. Even after everything thats happened my feelings have never waivered.

I need to plan for my future without a family. I'm devestated and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I've lost the will to live.

hi daddycool. you are getting good advice here. but #1: it is important you do not make any decisions about your future right now. you are reeling from what you have discovered, and will not be in a stable mental place for decision making for awhile.

if you find that you simply cannot deal with her, put her out and go to plan b. it is IMPERATIVE that you not leave your home and children.

exposure does not mean you take out a full page ad in the newspaper with a colour photo of her naked self alongside. i am a teacher myself. we are expected to have moral standards to set an example to our students. when teaching literature (right now, othello) i take every opportunity to reinforce the tenets of open and honest communication, the strength and purpose of marriage, and proper behaviour as a married person. what will your wife be saying to her students? it's ok to do whatever you want to feel good? to only think about yourself? not to worry about ruining the lives of children because "they are strong and will adapt?" rubbish, all of it!

exposing your wife to her administration may lose her job at that school, but will not torpedo her entire career. but frankly, you shouldn't be worrying about that. SHE is the one making the choices that impact her life. she needs to experience the consequences as well. if i were to do such a thing (shudder), i would be grateful my spouse put his foot down and put a stop to it, regardless of the shame. shame is part of developing remorse, and she needs to feel it. exposure doesn't shame the BS - it empowers you. believe me, i know exactly how you feel about that, having been there myself (as one of the few women working in a male environment, all i could think about what that all the men were looking at me with "she can't keep her man happy and at home. she must be a totally rubbish wife." this was not true at all). exposure gave me strength and did the opposite of shame for me. if anything, it un-shamed me!

Can you hire a PI?