You are risking much more financial loss if you DON'T have an attorney. Tell us how you are 'filing for child support'.

How do you know that your WW and OM are no longer together? Did she tell you this? Believe NOTHING that she says to you right now. She's wayward and is in it for herself. Oh, WAH WAH. She 'needs to think'?? ABOUT WHAT??

Get moving on filing, haps. That's a Come to Jesus that will throw some reality into her fantasy.

hap, why is your self esteem so low? Do you seriously think it is ok to put up with this kind of treatment from anyone?

Want to know what will wake your WW up? Seeing you take pride in yourself, showing her that you're not going to let yourself be treated like garbage, standing up for your family, and legal papers saying that if she doesn't pull her head out of her a$$ real soon that she will be facing legal obligations such as child support.

My friend, your self esteem is so in the gutter that it is truly sad to see. I'm going to guess that you married this woman when you were young and neither you nor her know any better than each other. Am I wrong?

I say that because I see the worst form of attachment and willingness to endure abuse from people who married young and have never known any different than their spouse. I say that because a person with dating experience would know that there are tons of fish in the sea and that you really don't have to waste any time in your life putting up with crap from one because you can always get another one!

So man up. Watch her tune change when you take control of the situation. He who cares the least has the power. Remember that.

I've seen the direct opposite. And I think this is immaterial.

Anyway:
ITA.

I have no idea what this is supposed to mean in the way of supporting this poster. He obviously cares very much - IT'S HIS MARRIAGE. This poster needs to be committed to doing what he needs to do to save his marriage. He should not be directed to 'not care'. I hope I've misunderstood your post, help.

Not every wayward had to wear the Scarlet A wardrobe...

Agreed, but formerly, some of them DID! Those were likely to become the "retrieved" WWs.

Now, none of them do, unless they choose to don it themselves. THAT is precisely the degradation I believe is happening at an accelerating pace.

Your opinion differs. I have 20 + cases HERE to support my opinion - with none recently (two years) refuting it.

I'm not telling him not to care about saving his marriage. But I am telling him to not be a doormat and take the attitude that it isn't the end of the world if she doesn't come back.

I have been busy with attorneys and still haven't found one I can afford. So I am going to the courthouse tomorrow to take free workshops to learn as much as I can. I am filing for child support through child services, that should take about a month to do or there about. I know it is not the end of the world but I will not just walk on someone I have been with for 17 years. Just because someone does it to you, does not automatically mean that it is okay to do the same. I will be able to look at my kids and say I have tried everything to fix my family and when that day comes then I will be at peace.

We're telling you to stand up for yourself and get some pride. Putting up with the constant back and forth makes you a doormat.

If she is cake eating, then let her have the cake and show her, "I value myself and don't need to be with someone who doesn't appreciate me."