Ok, so I'm still with my husband even though so many have told me to leave. I'm not really stable enough to leave yet. He swears up and down he's done nothing and how much he loves me. But with his past with me I know how well he can lie.
What sparked me to write today is a couple of things.

One. Because he refuses to add me joint to his bank account. Not because I want to check on him or anything but because I get sick of having to ask my husband for money and the way he sounds when I ask. When I ask he sounds like I'm one of those people who always ask to borrow money. I'm sure he has his secret spending I found out about it after we were married. But I find it funny now that he's working near the last place he messed around at he's been throwing away his bank statements.

Two: I think of our marriage as a joke. And yesterday he really rained on my parade. Yesterday was our second wedding anniversary. He's never really done anything before but for some reason I felt it was special. I can't believe how stupid I could be. He's out of town at work so I know we couldn't do anything together. I woke up expecting to see a message on my phone from him but there wasn't one. So I looked on the Internet to find a cute picture to send him and I did. He called me about an hour later and asked what I was doing and then said happy anniversary and quickly got off the phone. The call was 2 minutes long. I thought maybe he was calling to send me some flowers. Then about a half hour later he sends me a text saying I F'ing love you. And that's all for the whole day. I stayed home all day cleaning and doing laundry thinking I might get a delivery, but nothing not a phone call or anything. And his text just made me mad and madder today now that I think about it.

Your original thread:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2617780&page=1

Your husband is a serial cheater, has no intention of changing anything, is still going out of town, hiding finances from you, etc.

How can we help you? Because here you are a month later and nothing changes. Where do you think this is going?

Sorry you are here Welcome to MB!... DO you guys get much UA time? Any kids? How old? Has he ever given you reason not to trust him? Maybe print out 2 copies the questionairs from the site here and fill them out and exchange them with your hubby?

Do you have any of Dr.Harleys books? I highly reccomend Fall in love stay in love and His Needs Her Needs. THey make great UA time for cuddling in bed and reading out loud together. I also suggest LOVEBUSTERS ... those 3 books are great starts .. as well as reading all you can here and figure out what YOUR lovebusters are and begin working YOUR side of the street to clean it up.

Begin PLAN A and present MB to your hbby in a way that HE can see the benifits ..and sell it to him .. POJA, PORA are the 2 most importat policies you should be following. Not to mention that if your husband travels alot that will put a HUGE strain on your marriage and invites oppertunities for affairs. Maybe you should do some snooping while your in PLAN A and see what he is really up to. Put a keylogger on the PC, VAR in the car and possibly some spyware on his phone.

Read all you can, do the questionairs .. get the books .. and ask questions for clarification where you get stuck at.

Agree. Have you read this? When to Call it Quits Part 1

Are you going to snoop this time and get the goods on him?

If you sit back and do nothing to find out what he's doing he will keep taking advantage of you.

Are you ready?

We have two children together and we had a bad start. Even then I tried to make it work. I started to snoop when my gut feelings said something's not right. And it all was true. When he first caught me snooping he was very angry and we fought about it. So I tried to conceal that I was snooping better which was then I found my answers. He denies anything happened of course. Since then I've been completely shut off. And when I try to pretend everything is ok it makes me feel vulnerable. He says he tries but I tried for so many years I feel I have nothing left to give. So I believe we are just a lost cause.

No nothing has changed since last month. I'm not trying to bother anybody I just need to talk to someone, so if I'm bothering anybody I'm sorry.

Deep down I plan on leaving just right now I don't feel I can. I know I'd be happier but I just want to make sure I'm financially stable enough to go. I see how he pays his child support to his ex so I know that it won't be a reliable source for me. I just need to buckle down and save. I have the questions saved but I haven't brought them up to him because I know him and he would just think its stupid. Thanks for the replies I told him how I felt and he's just ignoring me now. Which is easy considering were 2 hours apart and he's not comming home for another week.

You're not bothering anyone and we understand about needing someone to talk to.

We are all about plans here and actions to do the plans. If you want help with that we can provide it.

Feelings follow actions and so if you do it then it will get better for you. Whether that is in your marriage our out Marriage Builders can make you a better person.

Are you willing to put in the work?
Has your WH's affairs been exposed?

I do plan on it, it's just a work in progress. I've left before and I've came back and things go great for about maximum 2 months till we're on a roller coaster again. And the only reason for me is I know deep down there is so much he's not telling me. I read the emails he sent which were not good plus he would reply to the same message and delete it after he replied. I don't know what all his phone calls were about he wouldn't tell me and the women would say it was nothing, like they'd tell me the truth. He had numerous texts which he deleted alot I saw on the bill were picture messages. He withdrew lots of cash at work from the bank account but I no longer can check because he changed his password and now he's throwing away the statements. I saw all the large bar bills, and restaurant bills when I saw his credit card statements. Which he canceled those when he found out I saw them. Not to mention his stops at the oriental massage parlors. He says he has nothing to hide he did nothing and I really have no physical proof that he did. It's just him hiding everything or not showing me that shows he has something to hide. If that makes sense.

Tell me what snooping you have right now in place.

Can you hire a PI? They would be able to get all the goods.

I have nothing. He changed his passwords, he cancelled his mail statements, he throws away his bank statement so I can't view it. He doesn't use the home computer. He does most of his stuff on the iPhone but before he comes home he deletes his history. He has a work computer which doesn't come home and he has two work phones that I don't have access to and that don't come home either. He works out of town for two weeks and then he's home for two weeks. When he's home we are never really together. He spends his time tinkering on stuff or running around if he is still he spends all his time on his phone playing games and texting. We never have "us" time, we don't go on dates and if we do we usually end up fighting over what I'm doing wrong or what I'm not doing. He likes to just take off whenever he pleases but I've complained too much about how it's not fair that he can just take off and I can't. So now he stays home and is miserable because I complain too much. He tells me I can go as I please but when I do I get phone calls and texts about when I'm done. And typically my take off time is just getting my nails done or something like that. But he just takes off on his motorcycle just to ride for hours.

Can you hire a PI? Private Investigators

I think you are beyond ready for Plan B. You can and should get into it, ASAP.

Here you go How To Plan B properly
Plan B sample letters
Parallel Parenting