Okay, I'll try to make this as uncomplicated as possible. All names are fictitious and are just used to help illustrate. The scenario is true.

John was married to Jane. About 2.5 years ago Jane had an affair with Bill. She moved out of the family house with John and took the kids with her and then moved in with Bill. John begged for months for Jane to come home but she wouldn't. They legally separated.

Also about 2.5 years ago, Mike was married to Mary. Mike had an affair with Katy. Mike moved away to pursue his affair with Katy. Mary also asked Mike to come home many times and he too refused. She eventually filed for divorce but had to meet the state's one year separation requirement first.

During this time, John and Mary meet and become involved in a relationship. Mary's divorce is still not final because her STBX has not provided court required documents (despite pressure from lawyers). John has just recently filed for divorce. But it now appears that Jane wants to get back with John (although she still hasn't given up her affair with Bill). John does not want to reconcile, he just wants to be a father to his kids. He wants to be with Mary.

I understand that this in itself is still an affair since both John and Mary are still legally married. They plan a future together. What would you tell them?

- side note: Mike's affair with Katy didn't last. Only together about a year and a half.

Both couples had been married for 10+ years and each had a couple of kids.

2H4M,

Mutual tragedy is not a good basis for a relationship, when they stop talking about how horrible their exs are what is left. The poor statistics for affariages still hold true.

If these people are friends of yours please direct them here.

God Bless
Gamma

Thanks Gamma,
Yes, Mary is a friend. Not sure she would come here. Does anybody else want to give advice that I can pass on? Mary and John have been together for 1.5 years.

They both need to heal after the divorce is final and not be in another relationship right now. They need to take care of their kids. The Bill and Mary affair will die a natural death.

They also need to put their bar up higher.

They are vulnerable for RA because both of their spouses are cheating on them.

Send them here for help.

I would SCREAM you're still married and you're involved in an affairage and have them listen to Dr. Harley talk about the little success in this kind of relationship.
Radio clip on affairages